Hey,, my son is 17. About to finish school and called me one day ( he dont live with me, due to horrible behavoir towards me). Anyway, he called and said " Mom I want to join the Army, NO it has nothing to do with the 20k their offering, I dont qualify for that. But I want a trade and I want to go.
I was like " NO YOUR NOT! YOU HAVE A SON NOW AND HE NEEDS YOU HERE. YOUR NOT GOING TO IRAQ! "
Needless to say, our conversation was not a good one. Fear came over me and I was out of my mind.. I'm so scared for him.. We talked again this time in person.. I was calmed down.. I told him I'm proud of him, I'm excited that he would be a Soldier.. I'm just scared!!!!!!
Can some please help me understand why a young man right out high school would want to join the Army.
Here is a little about my son.. He has been a troubled teen. Not with police nor with others.. But with me. He has little respect for me or his father. But I know he loves us. He was at one time in a gang. Up until we moved away from all that crap. He still was very rude to me at times. So for that reason he dont live with me.
But I love him to death!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just need to support.. I'm going crazy.. I'll be back here later.. THere's more.. I just need to pick up my children from school.. Someone just help me figure out what to say to him, and or what NOT to say to him.. THANKS FOR LISTENING!!!
CHRISTY AKA BRIAN'S BAKER
As the mother of a twice decorated, including the Purple Heart (when his vehicle ran over a land mine) and a 2nd medal for heroism (taking control of the situation, taking care of his severely wounded commander, setting up a perimeter until reinforcements could arrive to evacuate them), thru 2 tours of Iraq, Sgt in the United States Marine Corp, I am confused by your reaction. 
Your son is stepping up to the plate and making a decision not made lightly ..... it's a decision made by a man, not a little boy. He knows exactly what is in store for him over the next four years, and he's willing to take that step anyway.
My son was home that fateful day of 9-11 and saw the Twin Towers fall. He was a senior in high school. A few days later, he announced he was joining the Marines after high school. My son has a genius IQ and had his choice of any college in the country. But he chose, not just the military, but the toughest branch of the military. He could have chosen any computer job that would have kept him "safe" behind the lines since he is a computer whiz, but he chose the infantry, where he would be front and center.
I cannot be prouder of any of my children than I am of my son when he made that decision. I still look at him and wonder how he got to be so grown up so fast? It still makes me cry (even right this second, as I type this) to think of how very, very proud I am of him and what he stepped up to and when.
I would never degrade any of my children by telling them "No you're not!" when they announce they are joining the military. I would have nothing but honor and love and total support for their decision. I would humbly look at myself and wonder what I did to raise such a responsible grown up human being who sees a calling greater than themselves.
BTW, my oldest daughter also joined the Army right out of high school. We are not a military family ..... my two kids were the first and only ones of their generation in either of our families to join the military.
I humbly look around and wonder what I did to raise such responsible and grown up human beings.
God blessed me VERY much!!!!
If you want him to respect you then he needs respect and telling him what he is and isn't going to do isn't doing that.
I'm from a military family on both sides. A grandpa and great grandpa served in WWII, both grandpas were career military that retired in the early 70s. My father was career Army, and my maternal uncles all served for a time (4 of them). Of my siblings 4 have been in the guard or active, the only brother who hasn't been in has health problems (there are 4 boys and 3 girls). My youngest brother is Navy and will be going to a base in Iraq or somewhere close this fall and while we all know the risks I promise you that my parents aren't freaking out, they're used to it and they know that the military is needed to protect our country.
If your son is serious do your best to help him make the right decision, he should think carefully because it's not for everyone. Some people go in and stay while others just join for a while. Make sure he gets ALL the info and anything they tell him is in writing.
If he joins be proud of him, the members of the military are well aware of the dangers so his choice will be made with his eyes open.
Christy....I totally understand your feelings. Honestly, if it was my son I would try to think of a thousand other ways to get him to learn a trade instead of serving in this war. I think you are a good mother for being concerned, but being able to put your feelings aside and support your son.
I totally support our troops, but not the war. Sorry if it offends, but I wouldn't be happy about sending my kids over their either.
My DH joined the Marines when he was 17 (right out of h.s.) and served for four years, some of it in Viet Nam.
My older son joined the Army (right out of h.s.) and served for four years.
My younger son joined the Air Force. (Right out of h.s. Air Force ROTC program.)
My younger has been serving for seven years, and plans on retiring after 20 years to start a second career!
Agree with mbelgard, make sure he has a contract stating everything he's been promised...
If not for the patriotic men and women in our armed forces, America would not be the land of the free and the home of the brave.
I think there are going to be A LOT of opinions on this...joining not joining...the war not war.....which is all fine...what I didn't think I'd read were comments about how degrading or how pridelss it is that a mother can't understand the out of the blue decision.....or the shock she is feeling rather than pride????
seriously..."degrading" because she told her son no youre not, out of panic??? First of all he is 17.....NOT ALL 17 year olds think the same......maybe because one family's 17yr old thinks with a clear head and does not makes split second decisions surely DOESN'T mean the next family's 17 year old does! Or because one family supports their children joining the military SURELY doesnt mean the neighbors do!
if it were my son in two years...who right now is a VERY immature 15 I would hit panic mode also....my immediate worry and thoughts would be "has he TRUELY thought this through".....and truth is...A CRAP LOAD of those who join DO NOT think it completely through....not to mention military recruiters have a tendancy to GLORIFY joining....get the signing and move on.
I am NOT against the military so please don't misunderstand what Im saying as that.....but I DO think it is a life changing decision that should NOT be taken lightly!
I ...as a mother...would feel its my job to questions his new found decision and ensure he has thought it through...hear his side of "why" and ask if he has considered all options of getting a base for life.....and what those other options could be vs the army! I'd want my child to prove to me that this is something he truely wants...feels is necessary and will stick with and not a "way out" or "get away", because once the dotted line is signed its a little late to snap out of the "running away syndrome".....
I would think and say this about ANY major decision...I'm very proud of my country and military....however I dont think its a decision that should be made by 17 yr olds and just be blinded by pride....especially if the child hasnt shown any previous interest in it.
I think the important thing here is listening to what he wants. What is he trying to communicate to you? Hearing the word "Army" can throw you through a loop, but it seems that he is looking for guidance and support.
Just from the small amount you've told us about him, the Army may be a very good place for him. People who have a hard time with respect and good choices learn those skills in the military. There is no fix all for anyone, or any way to make it easy for a mom, but at least he is exploring positive avenues for his future. He could be asking to move in back home, or not get a job, or join a gang.....
Just be supportive of him. Tell him you love him and believe in him and be there when he wants to discuss things. It's hard to let an adult child go, but now is the time to let him make his own decisions and to just be there to love him.
I joined the Army just out of high school. It wasn't out of patriotism, I'm afraid, but for the college money. It was really good for me. I was a good kid, but just didn't have any get up and go. My family was surprised, but not afraid. There wasn't a war back then.
My brother joined shortly after he graduated from high school, too. It was a few years later. He was a wild child. No respect for anybody. He has turned into a real stand-up guy. He got back from Iraq in November, and he'll be back over there in a few months. My mom is terrified, but really proud.
The Army could be really good for your son. It's scary to have him go, but it can help him a lot. I wish my other brother would join, too.
My husband joined the Army when he was 25. Pretty late in life. We had a 1 yr old baby and were living with my parents.
He knew that is what he had to do for us to survive. It was the best decision we ever made. There are so many opprotunities in the military and yes war is a big thing right now but it's not all the military is about.
It may help you feel more comfortable to go with him to talk with the recruiter.
Good Luck !!
I come from a very long line of patriots whom have selflessly served our country. I currently have two sons whom are active duty. My 30 year old has been in for 11 years now... he went in when he was 19. He will soon deploy "again" to Iraq. His little brother was 10 years old when his big brother went off to basic... from that day on he told us that he too would be a soldier. He was true to his word and joined at the age of 18. Hes now been in for about 2 years . He may deploy to Iraq as early as Oct. I completely understand your fear as a mother. There is nothing more frightening than the thought of sending a beloved child off to war. But, you have to respect your son's decision and let him know that you stand behind him! Pray for your son, be his biggest cheerleader! If you would like to talk to some other military parents for support, I can give you a link to an Army parent forum. Also want to share this video written by another Army mom. Her sentiments are so reflective of mine. It may take a few to load but it is a beautiful letter. http://www.army.mil/fieldband/nimrod/nimrod.htm
Maybe I misunderstood, you said he has a son?? Who does the baby and mother live with? It may be that he wants to make things more secure financially for them. I understand being afraid, just pray about it. Talk to him honestly about how you feel and why you feel that way. I'm sure that he didn't come to the decision in 5 minutes time, he's probably given it a lot of thought.
As a mother you want to protect your children, that's our nature. With the war going on I can understand why you don't want him to go. (Now comes my opinion 
) My DH joined the Marines while still in high school, as soon as he graduated 2 weeks later he was in boot camp. He is wicked smart and could have done any job offered to him but turned them down to be an 0351 infantry man. (going to take care of enemy mines-tanks and so on) Was the best thing for him, made him grow up and take responsibility! He served in Bosnia and a few other hot spots and is her fine today. In fact he owns his own computer business and swears what he learned in the Marines is why he can make it today. His parents always handed him what he wanted and he treated them with lots of disrespect (to the point I almost broke up with him because I was disgusted by his behavior) Things changed once he graduated boot camp and he became a man responsible for his own action. Many years later and he still is that same person he graduated as. Couldn't be prouder!
I talked to my parents about joining and they flipped out on me! My family supports the military as long as no one in our family is part of it 
. I went to college for a little over a year out of respect for my parents wishes---they were happy but I secretly was not. I secretly started talking to the USMC and dropped out of college to join. I told my parents I joined Friday night and left that Sunday morning for boot camp. I didn't need the discipline or order--I already had those qualities. When the recruiters came to pick me up to go to boot camp my mom and dad blocked the door saying "you can have our boys, just don't take our girl" The recruiters said "She'll come back disciplined" My parents then yelled out "but she is the only one who is already!" Needless to say I left anyways--- It wasn't fro the discipline or the money they offered (in fact, I never even paid into the GI fund----something I don't recommend doing because now I'm struggling to pay for college) I did it because it's what was in my heart and I had to be true to myself! When someone joins not for the money it's because that's what is their conviction and what's in their heart. My parents telling me not to join and flipping out everytime I mentioned it killed me and I suffered silently until one day I just joined without their knowlege so they couldn't even try to stop me. It wasn't easy for me serving but I don't regret it. I'm proud that I can say I'm a former Marine and if I didn't have 4 kids I would join again in a heart beat to serve my country that I love. In fact my DH and I both talked to the Marines just a few months ago about rejoining but they won't take us because we have so many dependants and it's too much of a liability.
Too join the military it has to be inside you--it's something that you can't explain to others because no matter how hard they try to understand they just can't unless they have served themselves.
Ultimatly this is your sons choice, not yours--you just need to support him. When I left my parents refused to even talk to me and write me letters, I was shocked when they actually came to my graduation from boot camp. It made it harder for me without that support system to back me up, but in the long run I now know I can make it on my own without someone there behind me. It took leaving for the Marines for me to learn that.
I know there are others who would never join again and regret it, but isn't there other areas of life where we feel the same. Your son knows the risks involved but there is risks in everyday life just crossing the street. As someone who served for 4 years with very little injury I can tell you I was almost killed in a car accident and not even a year later was in another one. The military was actually a safer place for me even with my deployments than here at home. When you join the military you join for you and your country---if he truely is joining for the right reasons than it's time to let your son grow wings and fly. It will be hard for you as his mom to watch him go but I'll be here to support you if you ever need to talk about it as well as others. Let him try to grow up to be a man no matter what he choses to do.
WOW.. Lots of opinions.. Some sound as if I offended you.. Sorry to say, but just the thought of my son dieing, (no matter for who, where and why) is not something I look forward too.. That is all I can think of when the word ARMY comes out of his mouth.. I do support him, I dont down him. Our first conversation was straight from fear and heart. I love our country.. I have SO MUCH RESPECT for those in the Military.. Active or not.. Don't get me wrong.. I'm excited and scared at the same time.. Sorry for being a worried mother.......
Heath, can you lock this forum please.. THANKS!
Why would he want to join? Obviously you've never heard the sell job that the military recruiters give to young people like him. They could make Iraq sound like a trip to Hawaii. Believe me. I grew up a military brat, spent all my life on bases, and was hounded by many a recruiter when I came "of age". That's why he'd want to join. They make it very enticing. The promise of travel, college money, etc. is very tempting.
With that said, I can't say that it's a bad decision for a young man (or woman) with no other options. He just needs to have his eyes WIDE open before he makes the decision. I wouldn't want to see any of my stepsons go off to a war zone, but a stint in the military would definitely do their lives some good. They are going nowhere as it is. It's a really hard call to make as a parent. I support all of our troops. I do NOT support this war. I say just make sure he has all the information he can get before he decides. Make sure he's making the decisions for his future, not the recruiters. Pick a good trade, one he can really use when he comes out. Don't just fall for the glamorous sound of it all.
JMO
Mickig 
I'm sure it will be scary and you will fear for his safety. I understand that. But I think if he has discipline problems, this will change him for the better.
Won't he have to go through a few years of training before he could be sent overseas, right? Try not to worry until there is something to worry about! Hugs!!
Won't he have to go through a few years of training before he could be sent overseas, right?
Try a few weeks. Military training is 6 weeks for basic and 6 more (generally) for their specialized training. They can be sent out pretty quickly after that or never serve in a war zone.
I agree with Mickig, the imporatant thing is to make sure he knows exactly what he's getting into. The recruiters are very good at pulling the wool over even military brat's eyes. If he's thinking about it as a career have him do some research into things military brats say about growing up in the service since he already has a child, there are books and video.
And he may WANT to get sent to Iraq, he very well could believe in what we're doing over there and some military members want to go do what they're trained for. My father was crushed when he was told that he wasn't going to Saudi during the first Gulf War, he was training tactics at the time and really wanted to go do what he'd spent his life training for and it was before we knew how easy that one was to win.
I have four boys. One is a former Marine now in the Army. Another that is trying to go into the Air Force and a third that will probably be in ROTC in college. Of the three boys, the one trying to get into the Air Force also has a wife and baby daughter. For him the Air Force will be a salvation, he will make decent money, learn a trade (I hope) and be able to provide for his family. This is what he has wanted since he was a kid. Hopefully, he will be able to do what he wants to do, if his wife will go along with him. This son needs the military to help him grow up and deal with his family responsibilities.
Our first son (Marine now Army) loves the military life. He has seen so much of the world and he plans to make it his career. He chose the Marines initally because he wanted a challenge . . . which he got! He also got to fly another thing he wanted to do. The Marines
Our youngest has been in Junior ROTC all through high school and has an opportunity to apply for the ROTC Scholarship which will pay for his college education as well give him spending money and increase his leadership skills.
My sons have chosen the military for different reasons but the underlying reason is they love their country and the experience will benefit them.
Please listen to son and his reasons for joining. To me they sound like my second sons reasons for joining to improve his life and make life better for his son.
I am proud and love all my sons but my son that is serving in Iraq right now is my hero!
Leslie
I understand completely that you don't want your son to do it...No one wants their baby to go to war.
But somebodys sons have to do it or we wouldn't have the good life we do have. I've lived in enough countries to know that we have a good life here. Whether we believe in war or not, they happen.
If your son is 17 and already has a kid and no way to support him, also you said he has no respect for you or his dad. The army would be the perfect place for him. His child would have all his medical covered- Your son would LEARN RESPONSIBLILITY, AND RESPECT. He would also have the GI bill to cover his education- so he can get one. He would come out of basic with a different view of life not expect the world to fall at his whim any more. Tho he wouldn't make a lot of money- he would be able to put food on the table and have a place to live for him- and his family.
As for 9-11, my husband was IN the Pentagon when it was hit. He got a commendation medal for actions above and beyond - for going back in with the stretcher crews to get people. He was Also in Iraq- He came back with a Bronze Star. My dh is a very intelligent man, with an education- he does not HAVE to be in the Army- but he feels that it is his honor.
If he goes into the Army, Your son will go to basic first- then to AIT- Basic is 8 weeks I think, and then Ait training depends on what field he is going into. If he scored high on his asvab- and is going into a technical field- it could be a year or so.
My son is twenty, he went to Army and sadly to say it is the best place for him. When he is home all he wants to do is party. He is stationed in Hawaii and loves it. Basic trainging taught him respect and it showed when he came home on leave. I think all kids that are bored with life and become troublesome should go to the military. I understand we are in a war, but, it shows them what real life is like and the hardships that other people face on a daily basis.
I totally understand you feeling very scared about your son going into the Army especially when he has never mentioned it before. I've been on worse forum's than this where it can get real messy with what people have to say and I dont think you offended anyone here and I dont believe that anyone has offeneded you.
I'm a US airforce military spouse who's dh went off to war the day it started. I also have family whom have served in WWII and many friends who are in both the Navy and the army. One of whom is in Afgan now.
I do agree with other posters who have said that you should sit down with your son and find out his reasoning as to why he wants to join, there are other branches that he could go into. Air Force, Marines, US Coast Guard. Unless your son is all gungho on wanting to join the Army I would go and see what all the other branches have to offer aswell. I agree that recruiters will say anything to get someone signed up.
I truely believe that if someone has a gone a little off the rails with joining a gangs etc then the best place for them is the military, I've seen many young men out in the clubs trying to act hard and all and they are such a different person once they put that uniform on and go to work.
Rach
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