My cousin called last pm. They are having a fall party to celebrate the adoption finalization of their son. It will be covered dish and you guessed it she wants my covered dish to be cake. Not a problem. Simple carrot cake minimal decorations...

This am she calls and has had a change of mind. She wants a fall decorated 2 teir cake to feed 50!

My question is how do I stop this before it starts. I was having CC flashbacks as I talked to her!

I told her I was very busy with the two kids and I would call her tonight.

I have not been ask to do cakes for the family yet and I don't want to get this started. I think if I say no it will spread like wildfire through the family(which could be a good thing)

how do I handle this so no one is mad at me and I don't get taken advantage of?

Tell your cousin that you will make the cake as a GIFT to her son then just go out and buy a congratulations card for her and her husband. Problem solved then if any other family members ask just tell them the cake was a gift. If they would like one it will cost X amount of money or X amount to cover the cost of the cake ingredients.

I'm with Sophie-Em on this one. My family always at least pays me enough to cover the cost unless I specify that it is a gift.

Whatever you do, make sure it's very clear WHAT the cake is worth. And I don't mean time, I mean actually SAY a monetary value. I would tell her that since it's such a costly (is anyone else expected to bring enough for 50 people???) and time consuming cake, would she mind covering some of the ingredients cost, and you'll donate your time?

You're right to stop it before it starts, do not let one person take advantage because they all will. Always be clear with what your cakes are worth, because if you're not, no one will value them at all.

Good luck!

I agree. If you do make the cake, indicate that it is a gift for this special ocassion.

Ok, that sounds like a plan. I am going to do some more thinking on it and I will let you all know what I decide.
Thanks for the input.

New to decorating..

Um...I would go with your original cake...your carrot with minimal decor.

I would be VERY insulted if someone invited me to a celebration and TOLD ME what kind of gift to bring and totally disregarded my budget.

Now...what you can do is ....TELL her how much a cake like that is worth and OFFER to make it for the Baby's "first" birthday as YOUR gift to the baby.

But if you're like most of us, (soft at heart..lol) I AGREE with Sophie-Em.

"Tell your cousin that you will make the cake as a GIFT to her son then just go out and buy a congratulations card for her and her husband. Problem solved then if any other family members ask just tell them the cake was a gift. If they would like one it will cost X amount of money".

Especially if giving a 2 tiered cake to feed 50 people is NOT in your budget.

I like Sophie's suggestion...that is what I would probably do. I make cakes as gifts for people all of the time. However, if you really don't have that kind of time, I'd tell your cousin that it is a really lengthy process to do a tiered cake, and that you don't have the time to go through all of it so last minute. You are allowed to refuse. Tell her you'd be happy to bring in a simple sheet cake with a nice script and a few flowers.

IF you feel strongely about ot doing the cake, don't do it. Giver her a reason why, KINDLY, that you just preferr not to. It will DEFINITELY feel strange to you, but after everything is done and over, you will feel so much better.

That's what I do with my family. I wasnt incredibly into decorated cakes-my specialty was miniatures and pastries and fancy tiny things and candies. Which to put together a decent variety tray using decent ingredients typically costed a LOT and would take days of my time.

So at family celebrations of any sort (ie birthday, Christmas, Easter etc) that was my gift to the host family. I would buy some nice display trays (which you can get fairly cheap at discount or even dollar stores for under a couple dollars), fill them with my fancy pastries, and then perhaps put a candle in the middle (esp at Christmas or birthdays) or a bag of fancy coffee or hot chocolate or something. Then the hostess could keep the trays, candles, coffee and whatever pastries were left. They really liked it. Worked out for me. I also did the same for work.

Everyone both family and work knows already this years Christmas holiday gift is a variation on the Wilton Truffle Tower cake. (I plan to do two smaller versions and to start making and freezing truffles around...Thanksgiving lol! since I will need about a million.)

ivanabacowboy

lol, I thought I was the only one to do this. I would spend about 3 days baking in my shop or house and go to the party stores and get catering trays with covers.

I'd bring about 5 of those to big family dinners filled with everyone's favorite goodies, along with cake boxes.

After a great dinner and my desserts, everyone would get a box and take some desserts home.

It would take care of my "gift giving" responsibilities for the year..lol

So I called her last night and played stupid.
"I am confused, did you want me to bring a cake as my covered dish or did you want to order a cake?" Silence followed by I guess I want to order a cake. I guess a 3 teired cake is more than a covered dish.
I gave her 20% off for family and we have a deal.
I feel much better because now family will realize they have to PAY for cakes and I am in control of the gift I decide to bring.
THANKS EVERYONE!

hey, I think you handled that one beautifully! Very tactful but yet you didn't get taken adavantage of. I'm impressed!

New to decorating...

I'm so proud of you...you started off on a good food!

PERFECT! That's the best possible scenario, I'm so glad you're not letting yourself get walked on!

GREAT way to handle it!! It prompted HER to stop & think about what she was asking you to do....and surely when you arrive and set up the beautiful cake you make, she will realize that it was totally unfair for her to expect such a wonderul, beautiful, BIG cake for free! Especially when most everyone else will undoubtedly spend no more than say $10 on their covered dish. Sometimes playing stupid is the best option!

Good for you!!That takes alot of guts to stop it like that...Many people have a hard time saying no to family!!

Thanks everyone! The party is Oct. 22nd I will post pics.

Ok, I know some people may not like this but I doubt people are always out to take advantage of cake decorators. I guesss I choose to believe people don't mean to say dumb things to be hurtful purposefully.

I think the way you handled it was very good because you informed her. And she probably said what she orginally said because she just did not have all the info or just needed a gentle reminder.

I also can say that an adoption although it is a very wonderful event it is also very emotionally trying on a couple and then they are happy the baby/child is home. She has a lot on her mind and just wasn't thinking. ( I know because I have done this 3 times already/adopted.)

Please don't think I am making excuses for her because I always get angry at my dh when I think he makes excuses for people's ignorance.

I am glad it worked out.

I think you did the right thing! And I know you will make a beautiful cake for her.
traci

I say you did the right thing too! My DH and I adopted two kids on the same day and we received nothing from either of our families, not even a card! Don't get me wrong. We aren't angry that our families didn't acknowledge the events of the day, we chose to keep it as a personal family event, which we celebrate every year.

BTW, did the cousin have a baby shower and did you provide the cake?

Debbi

She did have a baby shower and there was NO CAKE???? I mean who has a baby shower with no cake!!!

Now that she has seen a few of my cakes she wants one.

I know this is a big deal please don't take this wrong, but she did have a Welcome to the family party, and a baby shower with 150 guest and this is an adoption finalization party, and in a few months it will be a first birthday. I think we have celebrated this kid enough now. I also don't think the new parents have spent a dime on him. The gifts for each party have been more than sufficient to take care of all his needs.

That sounds harsh and I really don't mean for it to be.

I really don't know how to say this but after a person has waited what seems like an eternity to build a family, celebrating seems appropriate. Also, a family built on adoption is excited and finalization is a GREAT significance because the courts recognize the parents and THE parents and until then it is not exactly a done deal. In some states it takes longer to finalize and that is why maybe the finalization and the first year birthday seem so close.

I am sorry to give you an info conference on adoption but I do think your cousin is celebrating the birth and coming home of her child like everyone else does who adopts. At least it is common.

Now, we had a huge finalization party for our first but not so much for our 2nd and 3rd for many reasons but we still celebrated.

If your cousin is doing these big paarties, I am guessing this is her first child and she is just overwhelmed with joy and wants everyone to share with her. I don't know that for a fact but that is my guess.

And yes to someone that built their family thru adoption, it does seem harsh when others can't understand why we are so overwhelmingly happy.

Tell her this is what I normally charge.....xx amount of dollars i will subtract 25 for the my orgignial design ...can you cover the differnce!!

NEWTODECORATING, congrats on how you handled it. Now, don't you feel better!

Okay, I REALLY don't want to say this, someone might shoot me but, when is she going to pay you?