AOnehotmess, downy yellow cake may not be your medium but word pictures definitely are! Please post A LOT. I am a fan.
Very funny thread! Plus I like the term "white whale" - I use the word "nemesis"! Mine is chocolate cake. I just don't bake them any more. I haven't got a specific recipe in mind because none of them work for me. We tell people that we don't like chocolate cake (I think they believe us) - just because I cannot do it. If they insist, I say well I don't make them so I cannot account for how it's going to taste. They usually opt for something else. What is the secret of a really chocolately cake? Why won't they work for me? Is it too much to ask? Have I been a bad person? I think I'm getting that "twitch" now......
Not sure what is my favourite bit, but "someone bring me an elf, I need a tutorial" had me wiping tears of laughter from my eyes.
*wiping the tears from my eyes* Oh, OneHotMess, you ARE a mess, girl! I LOVE THIS THREAD.
This is still going? Ha ha ha....love it. I think some YouTube videos are in order. Musings and wonderment from a baker who is One Hot Mess!
I'm stockpiling supplies for a step-by-step cake-off...if there's any interest in a YouTube memorialization of this debacle, it can certainly be filmed for posterity. There's got to be a video camera out there that's small enough for an elf to hold, right? Round one will be a yellow-vs-yellow, frost to the death, cake bake battle.
Or something equally dramatic that involves gladiator style aprons, fondant tigers, and a chance to wave a stand mixer paddle and shriek while charging dramatically into the kitchen.
AOh, there's interest! This could be a whole new career for you. Isn't this how Nadia G got started? A funny show about baking? I would buy the DVDs!
OneHotMess,
Don't take this the wrong way but...
I think I love you. 
You remind me of the Yarn Harlot...
you could be the Cake Who...
Cake Sl...
Cake Fallen Woman?
Also, my white whale is any egg-free buttercream. Mine always tastes like gritty sugary buttery awfulness.
The from scratch WASC recipe. When I first found CC I tried it 3 times and it was just horrible. How can something with so much sugar taste so bad? That's when I stopped using US cake recipes, I'm convinced something is lost in translation.
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The from scratch WASC recipe. When I first found CC I tried it 3 times and it was just horrible. How can something with so much sugar taste so bad? That's when I stopped using US cake recipes, I'm convinced something is lost in translation.
Sorry - I'm new here - what is WASC? Apologies if I am being dim......
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Sorry - I'm new here - what is WASC? Apologies if I am being dim......
Ooooh me me me me I can answer that one! White Almond Sponge Cake! Uh...right? Anyone? Bueller?
Now that two pastry pro's are saying the WASC is the worst, I think I will take that on for part two. I'm still trying to talk my husband into holding the handi-cam while I bake the downy disaster. His response? "But, babe...isn't that the cake that makes you really mad? Why do you wanna bake that again? Can't we make a different cake? You're getting that twitch again OH MY GOD PUT THE HAND MIXER DOWN OKAY OKAY YOU WIN!"
Besides, I'd need a whole flotilla of ladders and elves if they were going to hold the camera.
White almond sour cream cake.
Have you thought about just giving up on the RLB recipe and trying something different? There are TONS of better cakes out there that don't involve pulling your hair out and tweaking 75,000 times to get right.
CARROT CAKE! I just can't get the thing to play nice, too finely grated carrots means a mushy cake, oil too moist, then people start adding pineapple and raisins! Take it all away then its a dry cake with giant strands of carrot that has firmed up enough that it needs to come with a choking hazard warning.... Bah, its nearly Easter and time for carrot cake again! Seriously, all those carrots to be grated... It's my fave cake and yet she seems to hate me, fickle frickin mistress.
gemmal, I use a very basic recipe with no raisins, nuts, pineapple, or coconut in the batter. I do use nuts but only on the outside. I caramelize them with vanilla and spices and grind them in a food processor to make a praline crust. If I have to decorate it then I will add toasted pecans to the batter. I grate mine larger. You're right that grating them small makes the cake mushy.
AI know it doesn't technically count as a cake, but cheesecakes, I used to make awesome ones but the last many times I gave tried it has been an epic fail, and I don't know why. The last one my husband got a laugh because I got so mad I punted it off the deck and down the hill behind our house.
On the red velvet note: I make awesome red velvet cakes, but use beets instead if food coloring, gives a nice deep red color without the nasty taste, and you can't taste the beets either, it's my great grandmothers recipe, though I know she rolls over in her grave when I skip her frosting recipe and slathers it with cream cheese frosting instead, :). Can't help it, it's just soooo good and quicker to make.
Louanne, I love making cheese cakes and have found that the sour cream cheesecake recipe by Alton Brown is a really good recipe to follow and I've never had it fail on me yet. Give it a try and see if you have more luck with it. You can find the recipe on foodnetwork.com.
And as far as carrot cakes, when I worked there was a lady who brought in a carrot cake to work for a pot luck we were having. It was the best carrot cake I had ever tasted and she gave me the recipe. It is made with a whole orange - rind and all - and it is, in my opinion, the best carrot cake I've ever eaten. It is the only one my entire family will allow me to bake!
It sounds like the one I use. Mine has orange juice and it's supposed to have orange rind but I omit that.
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CARROT CAKE! I just can't get the thing to play nice, too finely grated carrots means a mushy cake, oil too moist, then people start adding pineapple and raisins! Take it all away then its a dry cake with giant strands of carrot that has firmed up enough that it needs to come with a choking hazard warning.... Bah, its nearly Easter and time for carrot cake again! Seriously, all those carrots to be grated... It's my fave cake and yet she seems to hate me, fickle frickin mistress.
If you find your strands of carrot are too long, try running them through the grater attachment on your food processor. Leave the chopping blade in the bowl as well. If you don't have a food processor but you do have a bullet blender, that will work as well (cut them into medallions for the bullet blender). I don't add pineapple or raisins, but I do like nuts (usually walnuts or pecans).
I use oil instead of butter. *eyeshifts*. I actually use OLIVE OIL. I find it makes a very moist cake that isn't 'greasy'. No one smells the olives when I make carrot cake, but it has other spices to help disguise it. I don't usually tell people that it's in there because then they become super-sensitive to the idea of it and think they can smell the olive aroma. If I keep my mouth shut they just devour it and look impressed :D.
I don't necessarily have a specific recipe that's my white whale, but I do have a lot of trouble with molasses. I know the theory behind how to measure it, but I always end up damp and sticky with little threads of molasses all over my counter or table, and very little in the bowl. I find dark brown sugar gives at least 90% of the molasses flavor with about 10% of the work.
Also, for the person who has trouble with cream-cheese cheesecakes...the trick to a good cheesecake is not so much the recipe, as how you bake it. I bake mine in a water bath on reasonably low heat for an hour in my oven. It will still be jiggly at this point. Then I let it stay inside until the oven cools to room temperature (usually a couple hours or overnight). THEN, I refrigerate it for anywhere from several hours to overnight. The very gentle steam-baking and slow cooling with a good long chill keeps it very creamy and protects it from over-baking. Cheesecakes with the big deep cracks in them have been over-baked and tend to be a little rubbery or chalky.
Eachna, that's exactly how I bake my cheesecakes and you're right......they come out beauifully! Never a crack and ohhhh soooo creamy!! When I baked my first cheesecake, I didn't know about the water bath and it turned out cracked. Then I watched Alton Brown make his sour cream cheesecake and he bakes it in a water bath. That became my new way to bake cheesecakes and none have cracked since. I follow all of the details you described above in your last paragraph.
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Eachna, that's exactly how I bake my cheesecakes and you're right......they come out beauifully! Never a crack and ohhhh soooo creamy!! When I baked my first cheesecake, I didn't know about the water bath and it turned out cracked. Then I watched Alton Brown make his sour cream cheesecake and he bakes it in a water bath. That became my new way to bake cheesecakes and none have cracked since. I follow all of the details you described above in your last paragraph.
It's very satisfying to be able to bring a smooth, un-cracked cheesecake to the table with the fruit topping in a side bowl, instead of poured over the top to hide the mistakes. :D
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