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Mad... I need to vent! - Page 2

post #16 of 43

Thank you for the recipe, I will give a go as I love chocolate & orange together :smile:

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post #17 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by JWinslow View Post
 

I would be up front with this.  If the bride wants the "OLD" box cake cupcakes because her Grandmother is making them, I'm not sure there is much you can or should do except put a card out just for your cake.  You could also make a pretty little sign for the cupcakes so everyone knows that Grandma made them but you yourself said she is showing signs of dementia.  My personal feelings on this run deep as the memories for the Grandmother and the bride are running short.  I hope you understand what I'm saying.

I'd go with this.
Not your wedding, if the brides wants granny's nasty cuppies, she gets them. Not worth stepping on toes or hurting someone's feelings over.

Just suggest a cute little sign saying 'made with love by grandma' or something, and their own table.

post #18 of 43
Yeah, try to segregate them to some other table or something. Or be honest...sort of. "Oh what a nice thought, but the cake will be plenty for everyone, and cupcakes are messy. Let's make those another time."
"I can do that, because this is my sandbox and I've got the bullsh*% shovel." ~Dianne Sylvan, Author and Lunatic
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"I can do that, because this is my sandbox and I've got the bullsh*% shovel." ~Dianne Sylvan, Author and Lunatic
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post #19 of 43

Have you spoken to your niece? She might be dying for some backup to get rid of these cupcakes. Just thinking about my wedding - I can't imagine where a bunch of cupcakes would have even gone or when people would have eaten them.  She already has a cake!

 

To me, it's like someone offering to duplicate the place cards or the centrepieces with a crappier version made from old cardboard they found in their cupboard. Very strange. Can the bride tell grandma that the venue doesn't allow food from unlicenced kitchens? Assuming yours is?

post #20 of 43

A big hug to you, Sarah! My gut says you are likely right about early stages of dementia being a a factor in this. Thank you and good wishes to you for trying to figure out a kind way to avoid this situation.

 

My grandma was at one time a pretty good cook, but when her health was declining, she got to a point where meals she fixed herself were often store-bought cookies and fruit because she didn't have to cook them. I came over when I could and made or brought a couple meals at a time for her. When she allowed me to help her clean out her medicine cabinet and kitchen cupboards, we found medicine and food up to 10 years expired. She couldn't read the labels and had no idea. Would someone in the family be able to do this for/with her? It could be that the mixes no longer rise or oils in them have gone rancid.

 

I think grandma really wants to be a part of the wedding and do something to help. Maybe there is another job she could do? Stamping envelopes might be a good choice. It can be done sitting down and in multiple short periods of time.

post #21 of 43

Hello, Thank you for the recipe. I have never tasted orange and chocolate together but it sure sounds like a delicious cake. I will try that recipe out soon.

 

It sounds like the grandma is not thinking clearly. She probably thinks that she is helping out with the wedding. Hopefully like the others said, you can put a sign in front of your cake and one in front of the cupcakes so everyone will know that you only made the cake. Good luck!!!

post #22 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by IowaBaker View Post

A big hug to you, Sarah! My gut says you are likely right about early stages of dementia being a a factor in this. Thank you and good wishes to you for trying to figure out a kind way to avoid this situation.

My grandma was at one time a pretty good cook, but when her health was declining, she got to a point where meals she fixed herself were often store-bought cookies and fruit because she didn't have to cook them. I came over when I could and made or brought a couple meals at a time for her. When she allowed me to help her clean out her medicine cabinet and kitchen cupboards, we found medicine and food up to 10 years expired. She couldn't read the labels and had no idea. Would someone in the family be able to do this for/with her? It could be that the mixes no longer rise or oils in them have gone rancid.

I think grandma really wants to be a part of the wedding and do something to help. Maybe there is another job she could do? Stamping envelopes might be a good choice. It can be done sitting down and in multiple short periods of time.

Yes! Great observations and suggestions.
"I can do that, because this is my sandbox and I've got the bullsh*% shovel." ~Dianne Sylvan, Author and Lunatic
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"I can do that, because this is my sandbox and I've got the bullsh*% shovel." ~Dianne Sylvan, Author and Lunatic
Birthday Cakes
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post #23 of 43
What about suggesting the cupcakes for the rehearsal dinner? Maybe if you suggest it in such a way to get granny to participate but enjoy the wedding day wo worrying about logistics. Otherwise, I like the "made by granny with love" sign.
Let's eat grandma. Let's eat, grandma. Punctuation saves lives.
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Let's eat grandma. Let's eat, grandma. Punctuation saves lives.
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post #24 of 43

Sarah, when this wedding if over please let us all know how the event went for you.

mb

~~We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons. ~Alfred E. Newman  
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~~We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons. ~Alfred E. Newman  
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post #25 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by sixinarow View Post

What about suggesting the cupcakes for the rehearsal dinner? Maybe if you suggest it in such a way to get granny to participate but enjoy the wedding day wo worrying about logistics. Otherwise, I like the "made by granny with love" sign.


This is also a really good idea. IMO

I love what I do and do what I love

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I love what I do and do what I love

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post #26 of 43

pretend to trip and knock all the cupcakes to the floor ... be VERY apologetic, then offer everyone a slice of wedding cake! ;) 

post #27 of 43
It is difficult working with family especially when a matriarch is involved. I think making a detailed card for your cake is a wonderful idea. Good luck and you recipe is awesome!!!
post #28 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahgale314 View Post

Don't worry k8, I was not offended!

My mother in law is actually showing signs of early dementia... It's sad, but also a little frustrating to deal with at the same time. I have a feeling she may not end up making very many in the end. She won't babysit for any of us anymore, as she says she's too tired and doesn't have the energy. I don't think she realizes what a pain in the butt making a bunch of mini cupcakes is going to be! She's never made mini cupcakes before - she bought 4 mini muffin tins just for the occasion. I can easily imagine half of them not turning out and having them frustrate her.

I actually thought about inviting her to come over here on baking day instead, and she can "help" me with the cake, and feel like she's doing something nice for the couple. She doesn't own piping bags or tips or anything - seriously,the woman never cooks - when I met my husband 22 years ago, she had a giant freezer out in her garage, and family members were supposed to pick their frozen dinner out of it and feed themselves. She hates cooking, and has been that way for years.

So, I'm holding off on saying anything yet, because I can see it getting messed up and not happening, without my intervention!


I like the idea of having her over to help, that way she feels like she has contributed something to the wedding, but you can make sure they are as delicious as the cake (which does sound delicious by the way).  That way her feelings are not hurt and everyone can make a bit of a fuss of her when it is made known that she "baked" them. I would also be checking with the bride, she will probably be relieved to know you are taking control of this situation and providing a positive outcome for everyone.  As for cake being left over, I'm guessing your family must be different to mine, at my brother's recent wedding dessert was provided as part of a three course meal and I made a cake to serve 130 coffee slices.  There wasn't a crumb left!

post #29 of 43
Thread Starter 
I have decided to invite her over, and have her help... No expired box mixes at the wedding!

This is a church wedding - we're in a rural area where the common practice is to invite everyone you've ever met and the entire church congregation to the reception! There's no meal served, and the bride and family stand in a line to one side, people show up like an open house and walk past the line, shaking hands and offering congratulations. Then they go by a buffet table where small bites are served, usually made by close friends and family members. In this case, the bride wanted to do a cookie and hot cocoa bar, and it was grandma's idea to add in the boxed cupcakes to it. After eating their small bites, the guests leave.

The bride has sent out more than 600 invitations, and probably 400-500 will come! The cake I'm making only serves 100, because it only needs to feed those who happen to be there when the bride and groom decide to cut the cake.

So, I will tell my mother in law that the cupcakes are a good idea, since most of the people who come through the reception will not get any cake, and this way they can have some. I will tell her that I have done several large cupcake orders, and she does not realize what a pain they are, nor does she have equipment that can make it much easier, like I do. Also, she will have several out of town family members at her house for the wedding, including children, and it would be quite difficult to make large batches of cupcakes with that going on. I will tell her she knows the guests are going to stress her out, and when the time comes, she may even end up being too busy to get the cupcakes done, so she should just come on up to my house with the pans and liners that she brought, and she can bake with me.
post #30 of 43
She should donate the boxes to a food pantry. Christmas spirit and all... icon_smile.gif
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