I have been actively searching for spaces to rent to get my business going. I've only sold one cake (to a friend) and I really didn't make enough to cover the expenses, I didn't know much about pricing at the time. So, my friend, I'll call her Susan, was asking about this space that I was interested in. I was giving her the scoop and she asked if I would need help once I am up and running. I said yeah sure, not really thinking that she was serious. She starts talking about how she needs something to do blah blah blah.... She is a SAHWife. She just wants a job. So I told her maybe if I had a large job I might be able to use her help but I couldn't promise anything. I was thinking she could help me baking and making cookies or something simple. Then she says "you can teach me how to decorate cakes". Now, I am by no means a teacher. Even if I was a great decorator that still doesnt mean I could teach. I just don't have the patience for people to give instruction over and over.

Well she starts talking and I can't get a word in and somewhere in her rambling she asked me to show her how to decorate a cake for her BIL birthday last week. I told her yeah she could come by the house on Sat and we could start working on it(for Tuesday). Im thinking a simple round cake with some drop flowers. Simple right?
Saturday comes and no show. Sunday, Monday, no show. Tuesday she calls. She wants to make a naughty cake! Upper and lower! I explained that something like that you cant so in a few hours. Besides that there was no way I would be able to show her how to do that being its her first time decorating a cake and Ive never done a naughty cake.

So, I ended up baking the round cake torting the cake & making the icing. I don't know what she really learned because for the most part she was outside smoking and talking with my DH. Finally I starting feeling resentful and I went outside and told her that her cake was ready for her to decorate. After she iced her cake and went for a smoke break I had to re-do it. She wanted to do roses not the drop flowers. I had to teach her how to do roses. Im not a master at doing them myself. To top it off Susan is usually heavily medicated because she has back problems so she doesnt have much coordination and shes pretty loopy. Me not having a teaching bone in my body and her with loopiness coordination I can honestly say, I hated having anything to do with that cake.

I got a phone call two days ago from her SIL that I did the stork cake for (only paid cake) and she said that Susan wanted to make her husbands (Susans brother) cake for his 40th birthday. The SIL already asked me to make it and she just wanted me to know that she still wanted me to make it but that Susan wanted to do it.

Today, my DH and I were at Susan and Randys house with their niece(15y/o). Susan announces to me that she went out and bought cake pans and decorating stuff because she is going to be making her nieces sweet 16 cake. I was already asked to do that cake also a few months ago. I get the Im sorry but shes my aunt look from the niece. So I think, oh well.

Now, I know this is her family. But I cant help but to feel like Ive been stabbed in the gut. For the past 6 months I have dreamt of cake, breathed cake, talked about cake until my DH just wants to duct tape my mouth shut. I have baked cakes and given free cakes to everyone! I figured this was a way to say Hey this is what I am going to be doing, remember me when someone you know has a special day Whenever I am invited anywhere, there is always a cake. Ive put my heart, soul & tears in trying to build this business for myself & everyone has known my intentions from the start. I dont quite know the word to express how I really feel about what she is doing. I wouldnt feel this way if she truly felt the way I feel about cake and cake decorating not just because she needs something to do.

Also, I really wanted to say something about doing her nieces birthday cake because its sweet 16 and I know what she wanted and now I can just see Susan calling me the day before not having a clue as to what to do and wanting me to show her what to do.

Am I wrong? Like I said I know that this is her family but Im the one giving the free cakes and yes maybe thats my own fault but then to expect me to teach her and then go and take the orders that I earned? I really dont mean to sound like a !*^#@ but man! It just burns my butt! Would you say something? Or just leave it alone because its her family?

Your in a pickle here.

Never, never show anyone your skills. I won't even show my own daughter. I just say "I have secrets".

Maybe the best way would just be to call Susan and tell her she hasn't "practiced" enough to do a cake that is this special, and that you had already agreed to make it and that is what you are going to do. Maybe Susan will be loopy enough not to care.

Probably not a lot of help to you, but I just don't understand people who expect to butt in where they aren't needed/wanted, especially when they have no idea what they are doing. I don't blame you for feeling stabbed in the gut. Janice

I can't believe a friend would do that to you! If it were me and she called for help I would simply tell her that since her niece's cake was cancelled I took another order and am too busy to help her. I might also add that since the family thinks you are doing the cake I wouldn't want to interfear (I know that's being a %#&* but she's being a horses a**).

'Round here we call that kinda thing, "Climin' up your a$$." That's what she did.

She manipulated and worked her way up under you until you broke down trying to be nice. Then--she got the best of both worlds: She got to spend some great "friend time" with you, while you taught her cake decorating, too!

At this point, all you can do is maybe some face-save. If she asks you for advice/help, just be vague. In the future--do cakes for money and nothing less. No favors or trades. That goes for anyone--not just her!

And--worst cake scenario--(I crack myself up sometimes with bad puns!) if she doesn't get the hint? Talk to her and let her know you feel used, and back-stabbed and HURT.

--Knox--

I would be so mad if a friend did this to me. If it were me I would not "help" her anymore. If she really wants to learn tell her where she can get lessons or books she can use and tell her to read up and practice on her own . I understand the being on medication as I am on them, but if I know I have a cake to do I plan it out so that it is not so hard on me. She does not sound serious about this at all, I would not waste my time on her.

I would speak to her family (the ones that want the cake). I don't think it's your place to talk to her. A Sweet 16 birthday is very special. Does that family REALLY want Susan to do this special cake??? They may think twice about it if you talk to them. And absolutely do NOT help her with making it!

Lazy_Susan

That's no friend. I'd stay clear from her. As for the sweet 16 cake, I'd call the mother of the birthday and have her clarify the situation -- whether they still want you to make the cake (eventhough Susan is making a cake). You can explain that you'll cross the cake order off your calendar if they don't need your cake. If Susan comes around for help for this cake, just tell her that you're busy with another order since this cake was cancelled. If Susan hounds you for cake help, just refer her to instructions from a book.

I would speak to the family, and clarify that they have cancelled the order. They might still be considering your cake as the 'official' one!?

Definitely ask the family to be sure that they are not counting on you. Who knows, loopy Susan could forget that she even said she would make it. Secondly, WHEN she calls for help, I wouldn't offer a "cake crumb" I agree with the others as far as telling her you filled your calendar. Heck, tell her you are filling "TWO" cake orders...I'd even go as far as putting that message on my answering machine and not even pick up when she calls. Hopefully, you have caller ID so you can pick up if someone else is calling to place a cake order!!!!
Let us know what happens!

I would let susan make the cake....since she doesn't have a clue what the heck she is doing, it will look awful. then they will call you for the next one. do not help her at all!!!! let this cake be as ugly and lopsided as she will make it!!!
that will "learn her" haha

melody

She sounds like a flitter, who goes from one project to the other as soon as her attention span starts to fade. ("Oooooh! a ball!"). I'll bet apples to doughnuts that in a matter of weeks her cake pans will be collecting dust and she'll be off and flying on another big project.

Some people are just ...... well, heck there's no word for it! My ex husband had a habit of assuming things that were not final. For example, one day he mentioned how he'd like to go to Florida. I said, "Sounds like fun someday." So he immediately started telling everyone "We're going to Florida!" When I pointed out "No we're not!" (he was always unemployed .... we didn't have money for house payment, let alone a vacation to Fla!!!!), he gets all pissy with "It was ALLLLLLLL agreed!"

Don't stress too much. If you can see how she is, then so can everyone else.

I used to teach knitting. It was in a shop, the idea being I could teach my students for a couple of hours and leave and have a week to recover. I am not a paitent teacher, I need a week to recover. Recently, I made the mistake of teaching a friend to knit, this is a PIA. I can't control the time and place and she thinks she can call on me to fix things every time she makes a mistake.

Then she tried to start volunteering me to teach her friends, so I had to put my foot down. I told her teaching her was a special deal and that I charge for teaching, $20 an hour per student and a minimum of 3 students per hour. This really made her sit up and take notice. She has stopped volunteering me for teaching others and is more respectful of my time.

I will never teach anyone to knit again without charging my going rate.

um...if her family decides to go with her, I would kick back and watch 'em woller. She'll look like a goof if she can't pull it off.

Friend or not, if she took it on, in this case, I wouldn't help. Only because she snatched the rug from under you...watch her roll herself up in it. Then, again, she might not realize she's even rolled up...bein' medicated and all.

That was a very inconsiderate thing she did to you. I agree with the other posters, I would call the mom of the 16 year old and make sure they don't want you to make the cake anymore. They are the ones who will lose out... it sounds like Susan doesn't really know what she's doing so the cake will probably look like crap, right? I know it hurts when people treat you like this but I guess we just have to consider it a lesson learned and like the pp's said, never tell anyone your secrets anymore. I guess the only thing I can suggest is maybe try to get your orders from other sources that are not connected with her in the future. Good luck!
Melissa

Sounds like a "friend " to be leary of.

I had a family member want me to show her some decorating tips. I knew what was behind it so I told her I don't share my secrets. Even at work I had a few people tell me I should demonstrate cake decorating for them. I told them no because that could cause me to lose business. Some people!!!

In the first place this gal is no friend. You are under no obligation to take her in and teach her your trade. She wants all the glory without doing any of the work. That's obvious by the fact that she'd come to your house to learn to decorate a cake and spend her time doing everything else but the cake. I've known people like her. I find it's best to steer clear of them. I would talk to the mother of the b-day girl since she's the one who talked to you months ago about making this cake. If she wants you to make it fine, she needs to talk to Susan herself and clarify things. If she's going with Susan or is unsure, if this was me, I'd make it clear to her that I will be taking another cake order for that time and will therefore be unavailable to do this cake. That way that cake isn't coming down on you at the very last minute. People need to realize that they can't jack us around on this stuff. It takes time, planning, and a lot of work making cakes for their special occassions. If Susan wants to learn decorating she can take a class as many of us have done. If she needs something to do she needs to look for a job. My guess is that she wouldn't stick with that either.

If she wants to make a cake and her family isn't objecting don't get in the way. Let her make a fool of herself. When the family sees and tastes her cake they will know that they made a mistake.

As for her possibly wanting your help on that day I'd say make yourself scarce. Go shopping or something so you aren't even home.

I'd also be honest with her after you cool down a bit. Tell her that you really like her friendship, but that you feel like she stabbed you in the back by taking away those orders. You may lose a friend for a little but at least you won't have that pressing down on you making you depressed. Honesty is always the best policy.

Well I was up most of the night thinking about this. indydebi, I think you are right, I've noticed she does go from one project to the next. And I thanks for all your support I was getting witchy last night after I heard that she was taking on her niece's cake and I wanted to make sure it wasn't just me.

I think because she is so loopy maybe she doesn't realize the affect this may have on my future business and just thought "cool I'll make a cake". Unfortunately all the people I know are people that I know through this couple because we are fairly new to this area. I'm not going to say anything to her I'll just let it go. I'll try to get a feel on the mother of the 15y/o before I say anything to her, I would want to come between family, might not be good for my health.


oh well, live and learn.

Don't even think about helping her with a cake.

I hope you are not too close to this couple. You need to dump her, fast. No friend would do this I don't care how loopy they are, she is not a friend. I would just not return her calls, try to avoid running into her. If she does catch up with you, you just tell her that you've been so busy you haven't been able to get back to her.

If she says anything about teaching her tell her right out firmly that she would be better to take classes you just don't have the time and don't want to commit to something you may not be able to follow through. The secret is being firm so there is no trying to talk you into it.

Don't worry about her feelings, she didn't care about yours.

The Mother of the 16 year old - ask her. Tell her that you don't want to book with someone else if you are doing her cake. Explain that you won't be able to help Susan. Tell her to be honest the work Susan does would be a reflection on you and you can't risk your reputation as a decorator.

How many times have we seen people take a class all geeked up and drop out after a couple of classes or you could tell that they were losing interest. It's the one's with the passion for cake decorating that continues after the classes are over. Looks like Susan would get bored with decorating easily.

Don't you wonder how people get their nerve?

I think you should just be 'busy and unavailable' when Susan inevitably asks for your help to teach her when the time comes! She opened her mouth and offered the cake - so she needs to honor her committment and make it herself. The fact that she offered and doesn't know how - that is her problem! She will want you to do most of it but will prob take all the credit.

Hide from her when she needs you - she sounds lke a 'user'.

This is another reason to always get a deposit on the cake orders you take.

I would tell Susan to try to decorate a cake at her own house and see how it comes out. Maybe then she will see she can not do a good job.

It's really hard because most people have no idea how much time and hard work and talent goes into making a cake. They seem to think a little icing and your good to go.

I really don't think she meant to be mean or walk over you. I think it just sounds fun and she had a chance to do some cakes.

Try talking to her and letting her know how you have been doing cakes for a while now and it's not as easy as she thinks. If she asks for your help tell her you are not good at explaining how to do things and it's best if she takes classes.

This is a girl who is your friend. Try talking to her before you get really mad. She clearly doesn't know she is wrong and that you are upset. I bet if you talk to her she may just understand and you will be doing the cakes again.

If you do talk to her and she is still acting this way then you have a right to be upset and break off your friendship.

I for one believe we should always talk to the person who upset us and try to work things out first.

Good luck.

I would make the sweet 16th cake still and then when she calls you and says she needs help, you can say I knew you wouldn't be able to so ive already made one. Make her feel small. And if she doesn't ring then give the cake to the birthday girl the night before that way when she sees the difference in standards and how good yours is, shes sure to have yours at her party.

I would call the family of the 16 year old. If they ordered a cake from you and didn't personally cancel it, I would consider it still on. The cancellation needs to come from them, not this loopy aunt who says she is making it. Tell them politely that Susan told you she is making the cake, and since they put in the order you just wanted to verify that to make sure you understood their intientions. Maybe they are planning on both of you knowing that Susan's will be less than perfect. Maybe they also know what she is like and are letting her work thru this phase.

I have never had anyone ask me to teach them decorating, but I'm sure I would tell them cake decorators have the same rules as magicians. I do teach the grade school girls at church when the couselors ask me to. They won't be my competition for a good few years, so I'm safe teaching the basics to them!

I would write that cake off on your calendar and go ahead and tell Susan that it takes a lot of practice and preparation, so if she's going to pull it off, she probably needs to go ahead and do some research at the library. She can find some books that might help her technique or she can search the web. I would under NO circumstances offer your own books or expertise. Tell her that you've booked another cake yourself that weekend, or even that you and your family are going on a mini vacation breather that you've needed forever so the cancellation works great for you. That way she knows you won't even be in town for her to aggravate you.

If she asks for your help, I would let her know that the best way to "learn to decorate cakes" is by doing some research, getting in your own kitchen, baking your own cake and experimenting yourself. Either they want her to do it or you to do it, talk to the mother of the girl and find out for sure. Don't invite her into your kitchen for "lessons" anymore. JMO.

I really have nothing to say that hasn't already been said regarding your dilemma, but okay, okay, oh man, you caught me on your first line and I want to give you some advice.....

My heart fluttered up to my mouth. I hope you don't mind, but I looked at your gallery and your work is good, now start charging the right amount, cuz if you don't you will definitely be in a pickle when you find that place to rent.