The recommendations we make ARE the issue. And this business of being concerned over the way something is delivered over the substance is out of hand on this forum...
i firmly disagree -- not to mention the distraught people we 'try to help' disagree
And people are criticized for posting negative comments to threads like "FIRST WEDDING CAKE!! HELP!! HOW DO I MAKE THIS!! " If a person recommends taking a step back, one is accused of being harsh and unfeeling.
The recommendations we make ARE the issue. And this business of being concerned over the way something is delivered over the substance is out of hand on this forum. Entirely to much "mothering" behavior in my opinion.. Let's not treat each other like little girls.
so let me get this straight-- we need to not criticize or accuse you (in general you) of being negative, harsh and unfeeling but no need to be tactful to the person who is having a crisis? do i have that right
here is the link to the blog I was reading >>> http://www.weddingbycolor.com/royallyurs612/milestones/182556
Actually, she stated $340, not $350. Judging from the info on her profile, the wedding has come and gone, but interestingly enough, I could not find a pic of this $340 cake. I was dying to see how it came out
Ah, I love google A quick search of the bride and groom's names (Thankfully, they have uncommon names) along with their photographer (LA Photography) turned up this:
This is what started it, that is what I think is shameful.
howsweet can you put your heated questions towards me away for one hot minute, please.
My sister in law asked me to do my nieces cake, she asked me what I charged per serving, she immediately said, I know someone who can do it for $1.75 per serving. I told her she better book the date with her because I couldn't do it at that price. I was offended because I was going to do it for free as a wedding gift and she didn't even give me a chance to say it. She even compared my little rented commercial kitchen to her cake decorator's real bakery.
The wedding was last month. When the bride saw the cake, she cried and didn't want anyone to take any pics of the cake. I felt so bad for her but it was out of my hands. I know in her situation, she would not have wanted to see her cake on a public forum.
I don't know how this bride really felt about her cake, she took pics of it and seemed content. Maybe the way the information was brought to her could have upset her. Sort of like putting someone on blast for instance.
AThe whole thing is sad. Sad for the bride and also sad that she misled other brides about being able to get a $2000+ quality cake for $340. Wasn't the name of the baker "cakestress" or something really confusingly similar to the amazingly talented "Caketress"?
AQuote: Originally Posted by -K8memphis View Post
i firmly disagree -- not to mention the distraught people we 'try to help' disagree
so let me get this straight-- we need to not criticize or accuse you (in general you) of being negative, harsh and unfeeling but no need to be tactful to the person who is having a crisis? do i have that right
No, I'm surprised you managed to twist it into that. I'm saying it's not harsh or unfeeling. And people like you have "bullied" me into saying it is. I've started posts saying, I'm sorry to be so harsh, but...
Won't be doing that any more because it's silly.
Edit: There, I think I fixed it
AThat was for K8, who thought she has caught me in a clever trap. I'm on phone and don't know how to edit this so it included the quote.
It's these kinds of comments that I take issue with. You are implying ugliness where there is none. What you're doing is trying to make others look bad while pretending you're above it all. And you do this when it's you who instigates so much of the trouble. That's what my "heated question", whatever the heck that is, was asking about. You were implying another poster had done something they hadn't. You word your posts to take advantage of the casual reader who has missed much of what's gone on.
If all you care about is looking like the good guy, good for you - you win the internet. lol
A
Original message sent by howsweet
You were implying another poster had done something they hadn't. You word your posts to take advantage of the casual reader who has missed much of what's gone on.
Quote:
this is in general--not directed specifically at howsweet or anyone--just an editorial--
i think we are not as harsh as we used to be in this regard -- and the recommendations we make are not the issue -- the issue is the way we say it sometimes--i think that since we know so well that we get this reaction we should use it to advantage and learn to speak with discretion because otherwise we burn the tremendous opportunity to turn the lights on for someone -- i mean they're all upset anyhow, vulnerable in a predicament then they get insulted and who wouldn't get all huffy --but how is that working?
dredging up the past over and over and over and over by inserting a disclaimer that "someone said this is harsh and mean but i'm gonna do it again" is so old--be straight up be effective be real be informative be smooth be helpful be clever be poised be wise be savvy--all that before you ever have to be sensitive god forbid we go there--if you (in general you) want to recommend they should back away say it so they can accept the idea and eliminate the gut punches--
"tact is telling someone where to go so nicely they can't wait to take the trip" -- some brilliant person's brilliant signature line on here--why is tact so hard--tactless people are harsh and mean--it's a choice and if we type in the tired disclaimer before we blast away--we announce in advance we know full well we are being harsh and mean again --
Every Single Time I have cautioned someone that they may have taken on a challenge beyond the skill level, I have taken great pains to do it in a kind way. Doesn't matter. Some people will hear harshness when none is meant. Some people don't want to hear any caution and will find even those thick with placation as a slight an be offended.
On the rare occasion that I will step into that, I do so knowing I may be perceived as a Big Mean Bully. When I do it, I do it out of care and concern not only for the poor unsuspecting bride but also for the decorator. It pains me when someone is humiliated and disappointed by their own work/wreck.
It's these kinds of comments that I take issue with. You are implying ugliness where there is none. What you're doing is trying to make others look bad while pretending you're above it all. And you do this when it's you who instigates so much of the trouble. That's what my "heated question", whatever the heck that is, was asking about. You were implying another poster had done something they hadn't. You word your posts to take advantage of the casual reader who has missed much of what's gone on.
If all you care about is looking like the good guy, good for you - you win the internet. lol
Seriously.
Now this is a bit of a harsh way of saying something we have all been feeling the last couple of weeks. I'm sure it is harsh because we are so sick of beating around the bush and just want to cut through all the muck of it.
This may not be your intent. Maybe you don't even recognize how it looks to us. Once again, perception is reality. THIS is how we perceive a great deal of what you post.
Once again, I think you offer some sage advice that perhaps you should take yourself.
It's these kinds of comments that I take issue with. You are implying ugliness where there is none. What you're doing is trying to make others look bad while pretending you're above it all. And you do this when it's you who instigates so much of the trouble. That's what my "heated question", whatever the heck that is, was asking about. You were implying another poster had done something they hadn't. You word your posts to take advantage of the casual reader who has missed much of what's gone on.
Well said, howsweet. This is the MO. We see it repeatedly. It's part of the charm here, on CC. I'm sorry I didn't speak up sooner, but I didn't want the gruesome twosome on the attack.
I really prefer to come here and just talk business.
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