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Afraid my mother is going to drive me crazy...

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 

My parents 50th Anniversary is this year and my mother has been hinting for a year that she expects us to throw them a big party.  Not really sure who she thinks is going to be there as we do not have a large family and they don't really have any friends.  I suppose a few people from their church might come, but I really doubt any of their old friends who live out-of-state will come like she seems to think...

 

Anyway, it is not until September, but she called me today to talk about it.  In regards to the cake, she starts off saying she wants a wedding cake since they never had one (they eloped), then some sheet cakes....  Whoa,  first of all, I don't do sheet cakes because I just don't like doing them & I think they are tacky, second of all, if she is only expecting 20-30 people, why in the heck do we need extra cakes??   She is thinking I will  make some kind of mini-wedding cake to display and then sheet cakes to serve.  Um, no.  I would much rather make one modest 3-tier cake to serve everone than a tiny 3-tier cake plus sheetcakes.  If I'm not being paid, I'm going to do what is easiest for me!

 

Then after I got off the phone with her, I start thinking about how crazy she gets about stuff, and I'm sure as this gets closer she is going to start to stress and get crazy and drive ME crazy!  It was so much easier when my in-laws had their 50th, his mom did not want a party, I surprised them with a cake that I was able to do whatever I wanted, and they loved it.  Even though we had a flat tire during 90 degree weather on a 4 hr drive to get there, I think my parent's anniversary is going to be much more stressful!

Jen
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Jen
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post #2 of 10

LMAO! At least you have notice! My MIL ALWAYS calls a week before she needs a cake & I get "I just need a groom's cake for someone at the church (she's the Preacher's wife), he works in concrete." And that's ALL the short notice info I get.... I'm still not sure she knows exactly what I do even though I make an awesome cake every year for Thanksgiving.

 

I know I'm not being very helpful (LOL) so just take a deep breath & tell her you'll take care of it & she'll have a great cake (and hope she has many senior moments and forgets what you talked about 6 mos before the fact). Good Luck!

Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around...
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Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around...
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post #3 of 10

I feel your pain. please refer to thread where i describe my sister asking, "where is the coconut?" on her 5 tiered-coconut-shred-enrobed-coconut-buttercream-filled-and-frosted wedding cake...

 

shoot, even i can't type that without laughing. family orders are the worst. 

post #4 of 10

Have a good stiff drink if you can.

 

Then sit your mother down and tell her that she is going to elope all over again, that she is NOT to worry about a cake or a party or anything else.

 

If necessary feed the next stiff drink to your mother.  Remind her that people still elope to avoid fuss.

 

And plan whatever you think best for the expected attendance.

post #5 of 10
Thread Starter 

I don't really mind doing it, and I do owe her because she stayed with our kids so we could go on vacation for our 25th anniversary this year. The comment about the sheet cakes didn't really bother me that much cuz I will just do things my way anyway.  It's just after I got off the phone I started thinking & remembering (1) how crazy she gets about things, and how she never quite takes me seriously or treats my like a professional (for example, when I had a business she was always shocked at what I charged for my cakes & that people would pay "that much", thinks she needs to remind me of very obvious, common sense things, etc.)

 

I just think she's going to have this all built up in her head to be some grand event, and then get upset when there is hardly anyone there.  She tends to get really *****y when things don't go the way she wants or people don't do what she wants.  I'm almost certain my sister's family won't be able to come, because they live 2000 miles away and her kids will be in school, and that will upset her, and if they do come, she always gets super crazy because she tries to control what they do they whole time they are here...

 

My sister & I both think it's really weird she wants this big party because she has no friends and no social life.  All she does is sit on the couch and watch TV and argue with it, and go to church.  We don 't have much family, just my husband & I and our 2 kids, my brother & his wife and daughter, my other single brother.  My sister probably can't come.  My mom only has one sister who lives out of state and never visits, my father only has one sister, and I certainly hope she won't be there because most of us can't stand her.  She is mean and nasty, always making snide comments to me & my mom, and her kids are trashy.

 

I guess I will just have to stay on her to plan ahead & be realistic in her expectations...  I will probably be back on here to vent more when it gets closer!  I hate doing cakes for family, they are always the pickiest & least appreciative....

Jen
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Jen
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post #6 of 10

I am soo lucky when it comes to family cakes.  I am not particularly close to most of my family but if there is a big family event I always turn up with the cake.  I get to do whatever I like and everyone loves it and appreciates it as none of them are capable of making one.
 

post #7 of 10

CakesbyJen2~~The solution seems obvious to me--have the party AT their church.  You've got plenty of time to get the church people involved, let the Pastor know, and set it up for the Sunday  that is closest to the anniversary date. 

 

Schedule it for the Sunday before the actual Anniversary date, and ask everyone at church to plan on staying after church for the celebration in the church hall.   Depending on the size of the membership, you may wish to ask about pot luck for the dinner, or have it catered. 

 

If your sister can't (or won't) come 2000 miles, have them send a video with your sister's family wishing mom and dad a fabulous 50th anniversary.  "So sorry we can't be there, but here are hugs and kisses....", etc.  You'll need to arrange to rent or have a TV etc. on hand so everyone can see and hear the video during the celebration.   There may be a video specialist in the church membership that can help with a video.

 

You can do the cakes you want, and give them the traditional 6" top tier to eat on the ACTUAL anniversary date that will be sometime in the following week.  At the church party, give them a gift certificate for dinner and a hotel for the night of their actual anniversary, and tell them they can "elope" all over again.

post #8 of 10
Thread Starter 

I'm not familiar with their church (I don't live in the same town), but I know it is way out in the country.  I don't know if they even have a hall; for some reason I envision it as being a tiny, older country church.  I was kinda thinking they'd be more likely to have some of the church people come if they had it there, but she was sounding today like she would rather have it somewhere in town that would be easier for the rest of us to get to.  She is handling all that part of it herself, thankfully.  I want no responsibility for that!  I will do the cake & try to help with other food & set-up, and I'll give her advice if she wants, but she's going to do the planning herself.

Jen
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Jen
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post #9 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Apti View Post

CakesbyJen2~~The solution seems obvious to me--have the party AT their church.  You've got plenty of time to get the church people involved, let the Pastor know, and set it up for the Sunday  that is closest to the anniversary date. 

 

Schedule it for the Sunday before the actual Anniversary date, and ask everyone at church to plan on staying after church for the celebration in the church hall.   Depending on the size of the membership, you may wish to ask about pot luck for the dinner, or have it catered. 

 

If your sister can't (or won't) come 2000 miles, have them send a video with your sister's family wishing mom and dad a fabulous 50th anniversary.  "So sorry we can't be there, but here are hugs and kisses....", etc.  You'll need to arrange to rent or have a TV etc. on hand so everyone can see and hear the video during the celebration.   There may be a video specialist in the church membership that can help with a video.

 

You can do the cakes you want, and give them the traditional 6" top tier to eat on the ACTUAL anniversary date that will be sometime in the following week.  At the church party, give them a gift certificate for dinner and a hotel for the night of their actual anniversary, and tell them they can "elope" all over again.

 

 

What a brilliant post!  Love it :D

post #10 of 10

I guess I lucked out with family and cakes.  I'm a hobby baker, and my family is always so appreciative of the cakes I do for them.  I have a list of their favorite flavors, colors and hobbies, and do cakes that represent them.  Mostly I do what I want as far as decorating them and they've always been very happy with what they get.  I like the freedom it gives me to experiment with new techniques and flavors.  I always ask them to let me know if they do or don't like a new flavor I've tried and to be completely honest about it.  So far so good.

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