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1st Birthday cake for Angel Baby

post #1 of 34
12/27/12 at 10:22am
Thread Starter 

Hello everyone,

 

So my niece has requested a special cake from me. A cake that I am at a loss as to how to even start or what to do about it.

 

Last January she had her 3rd child, a beautiful baby girl, Peyton. In April SIDS claimed Peyton's life. She was 3 months old to the day. It has been a huge struggle for my niece. They literally spent the entire summer at the cemetery. It was only when the cold came that the cemetery visits became less frequent. I can't imagine I would have done this any different, but the thought breaks my heart. The loss of her baby broke her in a way I can not even begin to imagine or understand. January 2nd marks what would have been Peyton's 1st birthday. My niece has decided she wants to have a birthday celebration for her, and has asked me to do a cake. She asked me to come up with some ideas. I asked what she's thinking she'd like, but she doesn't really have any input. I'm not sure if anyone else has experience with anything like this, but is it appropriate to go all out and make a girlie cake as I would as if she'd never passed away, or do I go with some type of angel theme, if I do so will it just bring back bad memories(not that she COULD forget..) on a day that she wants to celebrate her daughter's life or will it be touching? Since I am alone in the decision for what to do at this point, I am lost. I do not want to offend, or make the day harder than it will already be. Thoughts?

 

 

Aime

*~Aime~*

"Always kiss your children goodnight, even if they're already asleep." H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
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*~Aime~*

"Always kiss your children goodnight, even if they're already asleep." H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
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post #2 of 34
12/27/12 at 10:55am

First of all, I'm so sorry for your family's loss. I think celebrating the birthday at all is very touching. You could do a combination of those ideas. Maybe you could do an angel theme but make it light-hearted and girly. If it were me, I would want to focus more on celebration than sadness. I think your niece would want to have happy thoughts and memories about her baby, and by combining both ideas it's like presenting that Peyton's in a better place and not in any pain. I'm sure whatever you decide will be lovely and your niece will love that you put the time and effort into remembering her baby girl. :)

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post #3 of 34
12/27/12 at 10:59am

Have you asked your niece what she has in mind? That would seem to me to be the first step.

 

The only thing that comes to my mind is this quote, from a song I was introduced to in first- or second-semester piano, at the local junior college.

Quote:
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
--Eric Clapton, "Tears in Heaven"
James H. H. Lampert
Professional Dilettante
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James H. H. Lampert
Professional Dilettante
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post #4 of 34
12/27/12 at 11:07am
Thread Starter 

I have asked her. She keeps saying "I don't really know" and "What sounds good to you?" What sounds good to me is making a girlie cake, one with bright colors and happy things. But having seen her get angered over things that seemed harmless(not saying she was wrong, but as someone who has not lost a child this is why this cake is making me concerned about what I should do, I can't possibly understand her position and how she is feeling, and what's appropriate in this situation), I do not want to set her off. Especially this day of all days.
 

*~Aime~*

"Always kiss your children goodnight, even if they're already asleep." H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
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*~Aime~*

"Always kiss your children goodnight, even if they're already asleep." H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Reply
post #5 of 34
12/27/12 at 11:11am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by sourcherriex View Post

First of all, I'm so sorry for your family's loss. I think celebrating the birthday at all is very touching. You could do a combination of those ideas. Maybe you could do an angel theme but make it light-hearted and girly. If it were me, I would want to focus more on celebration than sadness. I think your niece would want to have happy thoughts and memories about her baby, and by combining both ideas it's like presenting that Peyton's in a better place and not in any pain. I'm sure whatever you decide will be lovely and your niece will love that you put the time and effort into remembering her baby girl. :)


Thank you for your condolences. It's just one of those things you don't think will ever happen in your family I guess. But it has made us all realize life is far too short, and we have made a point to get together more often and be there for each other more often. It's sad it took this to make that happen, but seems that is the way it goes sometimes.. Mothers should not have to bury their babies.

*~Aime~*

"Always kiss your children goodnight, even if they're already asleep." H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
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*~Aime~*

"Always kiss your children goodnight, even if they're already asleep." H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
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post #6 of 34
12/27/12 at 11:45am

I think a white iced sheet cake with white outlines or flat figures of angels, and the simple words "Remember Peyton" in light pink in the middle. Maybe TINY drop flowers on the sides and bottom, on top of a shell border.

 

The idea would be to remember the girl who did live for 3 months, but not to make it look too much like a birthday cake for a living child.

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post #7 of 34
12/27/12 at 1:32pm

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your great niece.

 

The link below was a cake under the exact same circumstances.  My friend lost her baby when she was only 18 days old.  She wanted to mark her first birthday with a cake, so this is what I made for her...  no words except the name.    It's pretty, but slightly understated (compared to many 1st birthday cakes).

 

http://cakecentral.com/g/i/1301634/my-friend-tragically-lost-her-baby-last-year-aged-just-18-days-old-tomorrow-would-have-been-isabellas-first-birthday-and-my-friend-asked-me-if-id-make-a-cake-as-they-still-intend-to-commemorate-the-day/u/20877/flat/1/sort/upload_time/

Inside this fat body, there's a thin woman screaming to get out...... but I can usually shut her up with chocolate!
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Inside this fat body, there's a thin woman screaming to get out...... but I can usually shut her up with chocolate!
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post #8 of 34
12/27/12 at 6:12pm

Sorry for your loss.  I would probably stick with something very simple and probably in pastels.  Maybe some dainty piping.  I would think that angels would be very hard on the mother.  I have friend who lost a child several years ago.  She thinks the mother is worried that everyone will forget her child (maybe that she will too) and that having this party will insure that doesn't happen.  Here is a blog about another parent that had a child die around the time hers did.  http://thebrokenroad-tiffany.blogspot.com/2012/01/birthday-girl-is-dead.html  I read most of it after you posted this and I called her - if this blog doesn't break your heart - nothing will.

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post #9 of 34
12/27/12 at 6:26pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by BakingIrene View Post

I think a white iced sheet cake with white outlines or flat figures of angels, and the simple words "Remember Peyton" in light pink in the middle. Maybe TINY drop flowers on the sides and bottom, on top of a shell border.

 

The idea would be to remember the girl who did live for 3 months, but not to make it look too much like a birthday cake for a living child.

 

 

 

I agree completely. 

I would rather make 1 cake for $150, than 3 for $50 each.

The person who works for nothing will always have plenty to do!

My sarcasm is good-humored. People generally really like me, in person ;-) 

Licensed, inspected, insured, home-based commercial...

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I would rather make 1 cake for $150, than 3 for $50 each.

The person who works for nothing will always have plenty to do!

My sarcasm is good-humored. People generally really like me, in person ;-) 

Licensed, inspected, insured, home-based commercial...

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post #10 of 34
12/27/12 at 6:31pm

Sorry for your loss!! I will be praying for peace to your family!! I am 54 and when I was 5 my baby brother died of leukemia.  It is very hard on a mother and something that she will never forget. I talked to my mom the other day and she mentioned to me about it being my brother's birthday and how old he would have been then she broke down crying so my heart goes out to your family!!! I think the idea about the baby's name is a good idea.

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post #11 of 34
12/27/12 at 6:46pm

Relznik, 

 

your cake is simple, lovely and appropriate.  It brought tears to my eyes, and couldn't have been more perfect for the circumstances.

I'd rather be baking!
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I'd rather be baking!
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post #12 of 34
12/27/12 at 6:48pm

I would love to see the finished product. I lost my daughter a few years ago and have always wanted to do birthday cakes for her, but let people talk me out of it. Sorry for your loss..

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post #13 of 34
12/27/12 at 8:29pm

Sorry for your loss!

Is your niece having a party?  Does she have colors picked out any decorations? Maybe that can help you feel your niece out and how she plans to celebrate. Then you can go from there with a theme.

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post #14 of 34
12/27/12 at 9:03pm
Stay far far away from angel anything!!!! My second son was born August 3, 2010 and he passed away July 7, 2011. As a mother who had to watch her baby literally die in front of her, the thought of putting angels on a cake for Bentley makes me sick feeling. To me, that's sort of like him leaving all over again and I'd rather stay away from that. What was Peyton's room decorated in? What was in her crib? I would go more that direction. For Bentley, his cake was a light blue fondant cake with a zebra, giraffe, monkey, and other jungle animals and had polka dots on the sides.
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post #15 of 34
12/27/12 at 9:05pm
https://www.facebook.com/Bentley.Pea****
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