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Daughter's 8th birthday cake is DESTROYED~ - Page 2

post #16 of 25
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

First, I'm so sorry this happened. We've had bad cake days!! (Mine was when I dropped a hot red velvet cake ... any idea how long it takes to get the pink out of kitchen flooring? icon_lol.gif )
Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelfire3

I'm a perfectionist, so you could just imagine what I was feeling.

There's no such thing as a "perfectionist". Its an artificial standard that some people set for themselves that they can never achieve, thus setting themselves up for disappointment after disappointment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelfire3

Considering how I always internalize my feelings, I deserve ONE day to express how I feel. And it wasn't 100% because of the cakes.

Internalizing emotions is not healthy. Its a "fake facade" of trying to look "perfect" to the outside world. It leads to an explosion of emotion rather than a healthy handling of and dealing with the issues the people face everyday.

Saying this with all kinds of love, caring and concern: Trying to achieve an impossible level of being "perfect", internalizing emotion, issues not "100% because of cake" ...... sounds like there are other issues that need resolved here. Getting to the point where you are throwing things "b/c they were the closest things to me to throw" is a dangerous state to be in, especially if children are in the room (who can potentially become "the closest thing" to lash out at). NOT SAYING YOU HAVE DONE OR WOULD DO THIS!!!!! Just be aware of the potential danger when the efforts of trying to maintain the phony facade of being "perfect" gets to be too much to handle on "the ONE day" you need to express how you feel.

Its ok to express it every single day. Healthier for you .... better for everyone.

2ThreeKids is right .... kids need to know their parents aren't always perfect, but kids should never have to live in fear of the ONE day a parent might totally lose it.

LIttle fires are easier to put out than an inferno.

Again, all of this is said with love and concern, from someone who divorced a man with a severe violent temper, so I tend to see the flags faster and more clearly than most.




Thank you for showing love & concern. This reply will be in the same regard. The "other" issues I'm having are a deployed husband, full time nursing student, single parent (due to hubby being deployed), PMS (hormones), a broken toe that won't heal after 8 weeks, and those darn burnt cupcakes etc. Aside from the burnt cupcakes, how can my other issues, that I have no control over, be worked out? My thoughts exactly~By throwing cakes & rotten oranges icon_lol.gif FOOD FIGHT!

I like things to be done a certain way. I do set standards for myself. Some are unrealistic, others are not. But that's how I push myself to do better. With that said, I don't walk around pretending to be perfect. My definition of perfect may be different from your definition of perfect. "perfect" for me is doing something that is flawed, but doesn't look "that" flawed. I mean, an off-centered cake would have been better than crumbling & burnt cakes/cupcakes. I know that nothing we do in life will live up to the true definition of "Perfect" (without flaws) only Jesus was perfect. I am flesh and therefore flawed. We all have our own way of handling things.

I felt like throwing cake & oranges. I'm not a violent person, although I am proficient in boxing and Muay Thai. I usually take my frustrations out on the punching bag & in the ring, but since I have a broken toe, I have to abstain from all forms of physical contact until it heals.

I will never on earth hurt my children (I'm not saying you accused me). I was close to my kitchen knives, glass vase, a chair, pots & pans, but I just felt like throwing rotten oranges that were sitting in a bowl. So, in essence I had a food fight in my kitchen and it was pretty fun.

BUT, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! I should stop internalizing my feelings. But, who will I express them too? My hubby is already living in a hostile environment. It sucks not having an outlet.
Angelfire3
A woman is like a teabag. You don't know her strength until she's in hot water." Eleanor Roosevelt

God Is Greater Than Any Problem That You Have.
Reply
Angelfire3
A woman is like a teabag. You don't know her strength until she's in hot water." Eleanor Roosevelt

God Is Greater Than Any Problem That You Have.
Reply
post #17 of 25
anglefire, you're right ... it DOES suck not having an outlet, and having done the single mom thing, I know how stressful that can be. Which its why its very important that you try to set aside time for you (easier said than done, I know!) even if its just an hour to walk the mall by yourself and destress.

You have a lot on your plate and I admire you for the load you are carrying. I personally hate it when people tell me I need to "take time and relax" because the first thing I want to do is ask them to live my schedule for a week! icon_mad.gif But the truth is they are right. The statement we hate hearing but is so true is "if we don't take care of ourselves first, we won't be there to take care of everyone else."

Know that you always have an outlet here! (in my house, "mom" stands for "Mother of a Marine", so tap my shoulder anytime!) thumbs_up.gif

Luv ya, darlin'! usaribbon.gif
post #18 of 25
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

anglefire, you're right ... it DOES suck not having an outlet, and having done the single mom thing, I know how stressful that can be. Which its why its very important that you try to set aside time for you (easier said than done, I know!) even if its just an hour to walk the mall by yourself and destress.

You have a lot on your plate and I admire you for the load you are carrying. I personally hate it when people tell me I need to "take time and relax" because the first thing I want to do is ask them to live my schedule for a week! icon_mad.gif But the truth is they are right. The statement we hate hearing but is so true is "if we don't take care of ourselves first, we won't be there to take care of everyone else."

Know that you always have an outlet here! (in my house, "mom" stands for "Mother of a Marine", so tap my shoulder anytime!) thumbs_up.gif

Luv ya, darlin'! usaribbon.gif



Thank you so much! I'm glad I can come here and you gals & guys can be my outlet. You are right. We hate hearing the truth and you spoke/wrote it in the previous post. It stung b/c I never ever want to hurt my babies or show them that throwing things solve problems. Sure it felt good at the moment, but what message was I sending?
Angelfire3
A woman is like a teabag. You don't know her strength until she's in hot water." Eleanor Roosevelt

God Is Greater Than Any Problem That You Have.
Reply
Angelfire3
A woman is like a teabag. You don't know her strength until she's in hot water." Eleanor Roosevelt

God Is Greater Than Any Problem That You Have.
Reply
post #19 of 25
Angel, I was thinking today about something that falls into your "sure felt good!" category!

My then-teenage daughter couldn't figure out how to put the pans away in the kitchen. ALmost every time I opened the cabinet door, pans would fall out. One day I was SO mad that I grabbed a handful of pans and headed to her bedroom. Hubby stopped me and asked what I was doing. I told him I was putting every single pan on her bed so she could figure out how to put them away right!

he started laughing and tried to convince me not to do that. The only thing that made me see how silly it was, was when he finally said, "That is so stupid that its something *I* would do!" Ok .... that convinced me!

But it sure would have made me feel better!
post #20 of 25
Angel, Are you active duty? Do you have a FRG? Friends whose hubands are also deployed? A sister, aunt, or other family member?

My father was Active Duty my entire childhood and my brother-in-law is on his third deployment - Iraq, Iraq, Afganistan. (Korea inbetween) I try to be the person my sister can vent to. At least so she knows someone is there when she needs it. Try to find someone to be there for you, so you can be there for your kids and husband when he comes home.

As for kids. I think it is healthy for them to see us be upset, then see how we recover. It is the recovery which is the important modeling behavior. --- See this awful thing happened but thn we did our best...

Hugs...
post #21 of 25
Thread Starter 
Thanks Indydebi & Cake_farmer, I really appreciate your advice. I thought I replied to this, but I guess it never went through. I do have good news. My husband is home. He came home on Tuesday. I'm so happy!

I never realized at how mellow I become when my hubby is here and how stressed and overwhelmed I get when he's away. His military unit does offer family readiness. But they are all the way in River Dale Maryland and I'm in Culpeper, VA. That's roughly 100 miles away, one way. icon_eek.gif No thanks!

Thanks again!
Angelfire3
A woman is like a teabag. You don't know her strength until she's in hot water." Eleanor Roosevelt

God Is Greater Than Any Problem That You Have.
Reply
Angelfire3
A woman is like a teabag. You don't know her strength until she's in hot water." Eleanor Roosevelt

God Is Greater Than Any Problem That You Have.
Reply
post #22 of 25
Absolutely no judging on the throwing the oranges thing here. Actually, and people can flame me if they want, I was laughing at the mental image of cupcakes flying through the air followed by oranges! But that's because I am a prior military spouse, whose DH deployed while I was pregnant with our second, and whose DH wasn't there when his first son was born. I am bipolar and ADHD, therefore am inclined to over-react under stress. So it's something I would totally do. And my boys would see it. They would also see me burst out laughing and then cleaning up my mess! Kudos to you for still being able to see straight with so much going on in your life. (And one orange throwing incident does not set you up for a lifetime of violent tempers. Good grief.)

I can tell the first cake would have been really cute had it not fallen over. icon_smile.gif
post #23 of 25
Angelfire3, You go Girl! Sounds like you did the best that you could, considering everything you have going on.
"I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."
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"I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."
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post #24 of 25
Isnt stress grand?!?! I would much rather throw cupcakes that sharp objects!! lol. Sorry it was such a disaster. Hope things settle down for you. icon_smile.gif
Let them eat cake.....
Reply
Let them eat cake.....
Reply
post #25 of 25
Thread Starter 
Thank you! Despite the appearance, it was still delicious. I only got a piece of it.

OAN: My hubby is back from Afghanistan. icon_lol.gificon_biggrin.gif
Angelfire3
A woman is like a teabag. You don't know her strength until she's in hot water." Eleanor Roosevelt

God Is Greater Than Any Problem That You Have.
Reply
Angelfire3
A woman is like a teabag. You don't know her strength until she's in hot water." Eleanor Roosevelt

God Is Greater Than Any Problem That You Have.
Reply
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