I work five days a week till 3, pick up my two (under four) from daycare, head home, cook dinner etc, shower the kids etc and get them off to bed and that is when my "hobby" caking begins. The most I have done so far is two cakes and 40 cupcakes for a weekend. Granted, it does drive my husband a tad nuts, and he is also a bit of a clean freak. However, maybe you should point out that if he thinks you are slow and it renders it not worthwhile, there is only one way your speed will increase and that is with getting more practice and confidence. Potentially it could be a great money spinning venture but you have to start somewhere. I feel that its important to have things that you enjoy for yourself and your whole life doesn't always have to revolve around the house and kids all the time either. But obviously its about trying to get the whole balancing act right for your family as a whole

[/quote]
It looks this is a minority opinion here but I share it.

What if the OP was telling us this:
My Dh just loves to build stuff in his garage. He has tools everywhere. Every night after dinner he goes out there and uses his tools and holy cow the mess. I'm so sick of seeing it.

And then he spends the entire weekend building furniture for all our friends. For FREE!! I can't even tell you how much money he's spent and I'm spending all my time watching the kids and he can't ever seem to find the time to help me with them or the stuff around the house because he's too busy building while I sit and watch tv alone.

How many of us would be all over her about getting her DH to cut back on the woodworking and get his butt in the house and help and she shouldn't have to put up with his behavior?

To the OP:
I'm not saying you should give up caking, but really - is your marriage worth it? Is it worth it to miss out on the time with your small kids? Together the two of you need to come to some sort of compromise. He shouldn't make you give up your hobby, but it's not okay for it to interfere with your household either. JMO[/quote]

My thoughts exactly. Another thing to keep in mind as well is that your husband could've been saying things out of anger, you know the anger that can happen when you can't sleep well because your wife is not in bed for half the night, waking up with the kids and zombified wife to a trashed kitchen....can you imagine the furniture building senario but instead of the garage , he's building in the livingroom or bathroom? The kitchen is a shared family area in most homes and i can see why husband would have an outburst....I would take a cake vacation to let him cool down and when you start up again, be mindful of hubby's time and sttention needs.

Just to clarify... I used the word "allow", that was my take on it. It didn't come from the OP stating that her husband used that exact wordit just rubs me the wrong way when that is basically what he is saying.

That is an awful lot of time to work on a simple cake...

I have only really timed myself once (I set a personal challenge) and decorated a 7 tier Margaret Braun inspired cake in 8 hours start to finish. It was all cake dummies, but I coated each with buttercream and fondant and made all the embellishments, airbrushed, painted, made royal icing, etc.

Your hubby is right - I don't see how you can ever charge enough to make a profit on a 2 tier cake that takes 14 hours to make.

I would continue to make cakes if that's what you love - but perhaps start working on embellishments a little earlier and do it only a few hours each week. Lots of decorations can last for a long time (gumpaste, royal icing, modeling chocolate, etc.)

I don't think I'd have a lot of patience for my man having a hobby that took that much time away from me and the kids either.

I agree with the others who said to come to a compromise. Is there any way you could work on things during the day while your dh is at work. When we lived together, I learned to let my nephews, (now aged 9, 6, and 3) "help" me from their standpoint. If I was cutting things out of fondant, they had their own fondant to cut things out of. When making a free or family cake, I let them them help put in the ingredients for the cake, I measured, they poured it in. When it was time to take it out of the oven, one got to hand me the oven mitts. Little things like that that free up your nights so you have time to spend with your family.

When they helped me make my best friend's cheesecake, bf told me it was the best cheesecake he ever had. I just smiled and told him, I'm glad you liked it.

As far as getting faster, you have to challenge yourself to go faster. If it takes you 20 min to ice a cake, challenge yourself to do it in 15 min. Once you get comfortable with the 15, challenge yourself to do it in less time.

sounds like a catch-22 going on. cakesbycathy is right that we'd be all over this if it was the other way around but when reading the original post, my thoughts went the direction of unlimited's and others.

So if the wife wasn't doing cakes, what WOULD she be doing? Sitting on the couch watching TV with him? Spending all of HER time watching the kids so he could watch TV on the couch? (and by the way, it's not called "babysitting" when they are HIS kids,)

Understand my bias ..... I divorced a violent, control freak so I tend to see red flags where most don't.

Maybe it has to do with age/maturity/life experience. My hubby was a woodworker (ironic comparison, huh?) and he spent hours in the woodshop, every single night, when he had a project going. No big deal to me. It was what he enjoyed doing. He does stand up comedy on the side, which entails lots of late hours at the clubs, lots of hours in front of the computer writing bits. Most are unpaid (open mikes, competitions, etc). Do I complain about the time/money? No .... because it's what he enjoys and he's good at it.

At the same time, perhaps the OP can find some organizational tips (with small children at home, I know this is the big challenge!) that can streamline the work to reduce the time involved. Little things like keeping a wet dishcloth handy to wipe down the counters after every step to reduce cleaning time. I lay large parchment papers on my counter so when I'm done, I just wad up the paper and the counter is 99% clean. Wash dishes and pans, etc., as you go instead of stacking them up to wash at the end of the night when we're exhausted and tired.

I will share that my hubby began to REALLY take thsi serious when I wrote the check for the down payment on his never-been-off-the-showroom-floor pickup .... and when I paid $2000 for landscaping, out of my business profits. Oh yeah, THEN he took notice!!!

I hope you don't stop making cakes, it sounds like you enjoy it, so why give it up? I know, easier said then done..
I love my cakes, and yes , sometimes.. it's a love/hate relationship but that's MY TIME, and dh understands it 100%.. I don't say anything when he wants to another dewalt tool, and he doesn't say anything to me when I bought the cricut cake..
Hope it all works out for you,
Jodi

The thing is though, according to the OP's post she is taking upwards of 14 hours just to complete one cake and she is doing it for free. Even if she was selling them, unless she's getting like $25 a serving IMO her DH's feelings are justified. For the time away from her family and the mess and the lack of sleep...sorry that's not worth it when everyone (including the OP) is suffering.

And absolutely DH should help. But we would all be resentful, too if we were carrying all the load without help. It sounds like this is how her DH is feeling. Again, nobody is saying give up caking, but something has to change. Getting faster, not being such a perfectionist, charging, a maid, babysitter, something

INDYDEBI SAID....

"So if the wife wasn't doing cakes, what WOULD she be doing? Sitting on the couch watching TV with him? Spending all of HER time watching the kids so he could watch TV on the couch? (and by the way, it's not called "babysitting" when they are HIS kids,) "

AMEN, Debi! When my friends used to say "l'll see if DH will babysit", I'd say babysit??? It's called PARENTING!!!

How do you figure DH is "carrying all the load without help"? OP is there all day, every day with the kids without help and isn't complaining. Why is it when men have to take care of the kids it's babysitting but when women do it it's being a mother? A marriage is a partnership not a dictatorship. If he wants to spend time with her he could try keeping her company in the kitchen instead of expecting her to sit by his side on the couch. I'd like to know how many loads of laundry and how many floors he scrubs a week if he's such a neat freak. Since when is everything the wifes job? Men seem to think being a wife and mother is so much easier then working a real job................give me a break. Yeah this a hot spot with me.

My father was an abusive control freak. This is a sensitive subject and probably why so many of us took exception. That said, I'm so glad that I have a man NOT like my father. My husband fully supports what I do and even helps me when he can. Our kitchen is TINY, so that makes for some interesting challenges. But, he knows my goals and encourages them.

Yeah. I could make more money babysitting (been there) or even cleaning houses (done that). I was miserable. I'm not miserable when I'm decorating a cake.

And Tiggy? Being a wife and a mother IS a real job! We just don't get paid for it. Hmm...kinda like CAKE DECORATING (for those who do it as a hobby)!

I think everyone is taking this to a level that it is not - reading that post, I do not see how the husband is being a control freak, or not pulling his load. The OP says she has been working 6-7 weeks, several hours a day on these cakes. While leaving a mess one night should be forgiven, it seems to be his pet peeve, and after a few weeks feeling alone, this was like the last straw. If I were in the same situation, I would be mad too. All moms need a little time to themselves sometimes, but 10-14 hours a week of "after hours" time is considerable. Like I said before, maybe you can compromise to 2 cakes a month, paid. Afterall, everyone wants a free cake, but once you start charging, not everyone is going to want to fork over the money. You will have less demand, more money, and more time to spend with the hubby. BTW, he wasn't angry that she wasn't taking care of the kids, but taking care of the hubby is probably even more important, even if it is just snuggling on the couch watching TV sometimes!

I find it interesting that for me, it was easier to do cakes from home (no more than 2 per week) when my kids were smaller. I had a 2 and a 6 year old when at my peak. I did everything in steps. Make icing in one time slot, then do something with the kids, then crumb coat and put cakes in fridge, go back to kids, ice one cake, go back to kids. It made it an all day affair, but it made it sane for me to do it in steps like that.

Now my kids are 6 & 10 and I find it near impossible, even though they're in school. They go in the fridge themselves now (STRESS!) they want to help because they know how to do it (But not do it well enough to work on a paid cake!) , they want to tell me a story about what happened in school (that can take quite a while!) or they want a piece of the cake!!!! So I find it's harder now that they're older. And in the evenings, when my dh is home, I don't want to spend more than an hour or two on a cake.

Another different thing, I've been doing cakes for 10 years, and if I'm enjoying myself and not just getting it done, it takes LONGER to do a cake than it did. When before I might spend 5 mins mixing up colored icing, I could waste a stupid HOUR on it now! I want that color perfect! Not peach, but a salmon color, etc. Also, if I see a piped border has a little error in it, I'll take that section off and redo it. When before it would have been good enough for me.

Anyway, what worked for me and might work for you is to work in steps. Make a list (bake cakes, freeze cakes, make icing, make board, get boxes ready, make up bags, etc) and just do one at a time. I find I'm more creative at night, so I'd do the dirty work like baking, making icing, crumb coating, etc, during the day, then spend the evening with dh, then spend 2-3 hours on Friday night, after he went to bed, icing and putting it together. Sometimes I'd wake up early on Saturday to finish it up.

-I only took orders for Friday night pickups. Even if their party was Sunday, they had to pick it up Friday and store it themselves. It gets it all out of your house before the weekend. And I think if you started to charge something (I'd suggest no less than $40) for your cakes, dh would be less annoyed. Cakes cost money! Especially in the beginning when you keep needing new things.

I am a SAHM with three little children & one on the way at the end of the year. I love making cakes, but it is time consuming and it can be expensive. I have come to the conclusion that there is a time and a season for everything and it is different for each person. For me I am cutting back on my caking making. My husband and I talk about it and he understand that I love it and I am good at it but right now its a little to stressful for me and my family. I finally decided that I will still make cake for our family events and if that means my 3 year old get a three tier birthday cake so I can dabble in different tech. then so be it, and if there is a long stretch between birthdays we just might have one for the hay of it. I think there is always a way to compromise. I also love Sharon Zambito's DVD's but where I am not making cakes very much I was struggling with the idea of buying her new one. I finally came to the conclusion that they are great DVD's and if I can afford it and I want it then I should be able to get it - Cake Decorating is one of my passions. So if you love it and want to continue but it is causing stress to your family and yourself find ways to scale back until there is a better time. Good Luck. =)

I read this post and it struck a nerve with me so I wanted to step back and things carefully about my reply. That said, I hope it comes out right.

I agree with a lot of what was said but the bottom line is that you are a person, an individual-not just a wife and a mother. You have a right to your own interests. Yes, cakes are time consuming and it is expensive when you start out; this is not any different from other hobbies.

It is important to spend time with your husband and children but YOU are also important . There is nothing wrong with developing your own interests and talents.

It is so sad that as women we feel (or are made to feel) that we need to take care of men and children and not ourselves. All of us are slow when we start out. Guess what? You get faster with experience. Cakes that used to take me all day now take maybe a couple hours or so. You also find ways to work more efficiently over time.

Be patient with yourself, communicate with your husband but at the end of the day YOUR feelings and YOUR needs count for something too. You cannot be a good mother or wife by being consumed with those roles. Trust me, I have been there. I am much happier with some balance of me and them. Plus, I believe it is a good example for your children for them to see that mommy has her own interests and is free to pursue them.
I am really big on this, you don't want to send the wrong messages to your children either way. It is good for all of your relationships if you work on the one with yourself also.

I wish you well however you choose to handle it but don't lose yourself in an effort to be everything to other people including the ones you love most. Love yourself enough to have something of your own. Sending you a big hug!

I take exception that stay at home moms are not paid. I feel that I am paid very well. My husband works long hours and I appreciate every hour he puts into his company. I stay at home, but because of him, I have a car, a home, money in my pocket, and a bakery. Two people head our family. One pays for the home, and the other makes it a home.

I think the problem here is his saying 'for good'. That's over the line to me.

I think the money might be a big thing...I know my hub helps alot when I'm doing cakes, but then I'm bringing in extra money doing it. So he knows that when he is helping me, he is also helping me make extra money for our family.

If I were doing it for free, though...I do think his patience would wear thin. Even when I was first starting out like 12 years ago, I was doing them for friends...and some were "practice" cakes but I did charge at least $20 for a cake or something....it paid for my supplies back then so I wasn't really out of pocket (couldn't afford that).

Your cakes are adorable and I can tell that you spend a lot of time on them! Honestly the time does seem a little bit excessive to me (10 hours for a two tiered cake) but some of that can be solved just by more practice and finding short cuts in certain ways.

I would say you should probably step back and think about how your husband might feel...you put aside your caking for your kids but not your husband? Can you sit and do some gumpaste work while you watch your little ones play? I often fill and ice cakes while my toddler watches tv or plays because I can stop in the middle of that if I have to. Baking is also easy to do when the kids are up because its not a constant job. Then I do decorating during naptime, and sometimes after dinner or after bedtime.

And then you might want to consider asking a little pay for your cakes, or asking them to buy your ingredients at least...so the husband doesn't see any financial loss due to the hobby...sometimes money can really stress a guy out.

Good luck, your cakes are beautiful!

This sounds similar to my situation. When my husband was alive, he was not very happy with me baking and decorating all the time. He never asked me to quit but I knew he felt that way. He got a new job and on his first day I sent a cake with the corporate logo on it. The employees were very excited and he got so much priase for having such a talented wife. After that he was totally into my cakes, he even began to deliver them on weekends when he was off. Secondly when I'm done and have delivered the cake, I let my 5 (ages 9,8,7 and 5-twins) kids make creations from the left over scraps and they love it! Now my nine year old daughter has her own cookie business and she says I inspired her. If this means that much to you, please try to come up with a compromise. HTH

I can relate to you, OP! I only do this for fun since I have a stressful full time job. I've taken money for 5 orders only and it's paid for my newly redecorated guest room. But my DH announced he was "over this cake thing" because like you, it takes up so much of my time and it makes a mess. He feels like I am not making enough money for the days it takes to bake/decorate/prep decorations/clean. I think he forgets that it's an enjoyable hobby because often I am cranky while doing it, LOL!

However.......
My DH doesn't spend a lot of time with me anyway so I don't get his point. We never watch the same TV shows and have different bedtimes. Is this something you used to do together? Is he resenting watching the kids more often? My DH is the messiest man on the planet and the nerve he has to complain about cake mess is something! So you only left the kitchen a wreck ONCE and he got upset?

Find out if you were being paid for this, would he feel differently?

Seems like, as Oprah would say, "it's not about the cake." Dig a little deeper and find out what's really bothering him. It's obvious I need to do that, too!

I think you should look at your overall goals and see where you are. Hobbies, yes, are very important and fun. However, are you able to do other things that are your goals? I agree you shouldn't give caking up for good. But as so many have said, find a balance.

Caking is also a hobby of mine, along with sewing. Both can take many hours, causing huge messes. I must say, I'm still looking for a balance. When I'm doing cakes, nothing else seems to get done. I am a SAHM, and I agree, we do get paid! My husband works hard so I can do my hobbies, etc. and buy things I want. But I agreed when I became a SAHM that my "work" is my home and children. I honestly can say that I rarely spend 8 hours a day on house/kid stuff. How would it look if my dh decided to work on hobbies at work. I know, he's not my employer, but we've agreed on why I am at home.

I just say cut back. It is important to do your hobby and get better at it, but weigh the costs of your times. Marriage is a partnership. Talk with him about why he feels the way he does and explain yours.

In our house, I have to look at what I have time for or make time for. If I am behind on tons of housework, should I cake? Of should I ignore it and make more messes with caking? What is the cake for? How important is it?

As we always tell our children, work first, then play. But sacrifices should also be made for hobbies. But they shouldn't be made 80% of the time. When I cake, my husband is prepared for neglect of the house and kids. But luckily, I don't do it so much that it seems like all the time.

I do hope you can find something that works for both of you! (And it sounds like you two might need some more dates here and there. This could be something more than just caking.)

Good luck!

Sure cut back--but hubby's gotta realize that he can't dictate. Nuh ugh.

So sorry you're in this situation dear. Yeah, it's very time/money consuming when you're getting started. Especially if you're not getting paid. I can totally understand how hubbies can get tense about all the time and expense involved. But, becuase it's something you love, you don't want to quit...I mean, how can you get better/faster if you're not DOING it???

I'm in the camp with those who advocate talking to your hubby, explaining yourself, and seeing if you and he can't compromise. Your marriage means a whole lot more than a hobby, no matter how passionate you are about cakes. My motto is "People first, things later." It's totally worth trying to find the middle ground...no reason for you both to entrench yourselves in opposite corners on this.

I have to say that I think either spouse telling the other to "suck it up" is a recipe for disaster. I'd never say that to my husband. Very disprespectful. I treat him the way I want him to treat me, and I'd be very hurt if he told me to suck it up and just deal. That's not partnership. Maybe this issue is something you both need to step away from for a week or two, then come back and discuss. Who knows? Maybe with some distance, your husband's attitude may change.

Sigh... always late to the party..... Read through all the posts - wow, what a collection of diverse and smart people. There is so much great advice here but this is my favoite
[quote="Rafael1812"]You CAN find a balance. I am still in high school and taking on wedding, birthday and other celebration cakes. I have a lot on my plate: bake in advance and freeze cakes. Make SMBC in advanced. Cover your base before hand. Work step by step, cleaning after each step so you can avoid a HUGE mess (been there a lot of times). Don't be afraid to say no. aquote]

The above is from a high school student? And his cakes are fab! Okay, they ARE making kids smarter these days.

My own 2 cents: DH's attitude is easier to understand when you remember that it is a non-profit hobby (costing the family money). If he were the one spending family time and assets to pursue his passion and then not cleaning up afterwards, it would likely irritate you.
There are many clever ideas already mentioned if you wanted to attract more business (giving him samples for co-workers, etc.) but it doesn't sound like you are ready for that yet. How about showing him a comparison of how much money it would be costing you if you were enrolled in baking/decorating/business courses (course costs plus books, materials, etc.) vs. the materials costs you now have?.... you are actually saving the family money while you are investing in your talents for the family's future! Clean as you go, so the kitchen isn't a disaster when you finish (If this is truly his pet peeve). Make a date to talk to each other when the kids are in bed. You need to find out if this is just a small minded control issue or if he is worried about you/your marriage, etc. AND you both need to accept that you are a very creative, talented person who needs an outlet in order to be happy.
Raising kids is so wonderfully draining, isn't it? I wrote a Russian historical novel when my youngest was 2 and the most physically active child anyone has ever seen (kind of super HD)... woulda gone crazy if I didn't have that outlet!

I have three younger ones too. While it's a hobby now I would like to branch out in the future slowly.

One thing I do is try to make my buttercream and bake the cakes in one night. I make up the buttercream and then I set it aside. I make up all of my cake batters and pour them into the pans (I bought more than one pan for certain sizes that are popular so I have two 8x3 pans) and I bake my cakes while I watch television or visit with my husband. You could also do applique work while they are baking.

Cakes go into the fridge overnight and the following day during naps or daycare/school I level, torte, fill and crumbcoat - back into the fridge.

I get my fondants coloured and ready in bags and set up my workspace for the following day.

Then it's work work work the following day and I'm done, time to clean up.

I'm still working on time management, but I just did a stay puft marshmallow man cake and it was the first time I wasn't down to the wire for the cake. I followed the steps above and spreading it over two days and one evening made it so much smoother of a process for me.

Don't give up your cakes are beautiful!

I'm relatively new to cake decorating and retired, so my children are gone. But my DH and I live in a townhouse where the kitchen is essentially part of our dining/living space... so when I do cakes, he lives through it with me. The mess I create sometimes overwhelms me, so I've learned to break things up to manage it. I bake on one day - many layers at a time. I have 4 8" pans and two of all others except the odd sizes. I have two ovens but rarely use both at one time. Sometimes I wrap and freeze individual layers. (Be sure to lable with size, kind of cake, and date.) When I have time, I 'engineer' full cakes. Covered cake board, filled layers, crumb coated with buttercream or a layer of ganache. Then I carefully wrap and freeze the whole thing. Most of the people that I bake for (not a for-sale business), either want white, chocolate or marble cakes, so that's what I usually keep on hand. Then when I decorate, I take out the frozen cakes the night before and ice, cover with fondant the next morning. Then it can sit until the next day. I either make decorations ahead, that afternoon, or simple ones the next morning - at which point I actually decorate the cake. A few things that really helped me: over a period of time, buying good equipment and tools - for example, molds to make large pearls (balls) nd ropes. This is a big timesaver. Another is getting my storage organized so I know what's where and can grab it and put it away without making a mess. The other major factor is simply practice. After months of making cakes, I can whip out a cake in a fraction of the time that it used to take.

Perhaps, if you can convince your husband that you're really working to get your process under control and are confident that you will work it down to a more manageable one, he will be willing to be patient. Good luck. I can't imagine giving up the joy of making cakes and hope you don't have to!

Tsal, from all the advice here I'm sure you have a lot to think about. Surely you know your husband better than all of us.

It seems there is both a time and money issue. As far as your time, he can't tell you what to do with your time. It's your own choice. He should want you to be happy and support what makes you happy.
But if your family can't afford to give cakes away then your own family should come first.
He should not decide that you can't make a profit if you are still just practicing. Who said you would continue in the same speed the day you open your business? Of course you will get faster. Since you make beautiful cakes (and you enjoy making them), when time is right you could definitely have a successful business.

I have three kids under 6 as well so I understand both the time limitations and the NEED to do something besides caring for the children we love so much. We sacrifice so much (willingly) to our children. I believe that doing something just for our own pleasure makes us better mothers and wives. So if you do decide to hang up your apron, please let it be your OWN decision and not something you are told to do.

How about you buy some cake dummies? That way you don't have to actually bake a cake just to get experience. And you can take as long as you like to decorate it since no cake is going bad. That way you can get the experience you need to get faster, but you skip baking time. And you can take pictures of cakes for your portfolio (for a future business). Once you have the picture you can either add things to make a new design or simply scrape it off and start all over using the same cake dummy.
If you want to make real cakes for friends, let them buy the ingredients. That is not asking much of them.

Good luck and hope to hear from you in this post!