I have a person in my life that was at one time a friend. Over the years (about 15) we've become less and less so, partly as a result of choices she made that caused me to distance myself from her. I've had contact with her maybe three times in the last 12 years, each time because she contacted me.

A week ago, she writes me via Facebook asking me for my phone number so she can call me and ask questions about starting a cake business in her area (she lives about 4 hours south of me, in Texas). I didn't respond. Then yesterday I get home and she has somehow gotten my # and left me a long message about the same.

I have no idea if she's ever even made a cake, much less decorated one. I'm guessing she hasn't, but has seen my cakes online and maybe thinks it looks 'fun' and wants an easy paycheck - something we cakers already know is not very realistic.

I kind of put this in the realm of "if your sink broke, would you call the plumber and ask him how to fix it?" but don't want to be rude to her. What I've learned has taken time and though I'm not opposed to asking a question or two here on CC, or calling one of my cake buddies, I would never expect someone to just unload all their knowledge on me so I could do the exact same thing. It's not a competition issue, it's just good manners. I hope I'm making sense here.

Anyone want to take a stab at suggesting to me how I should handle this? I'd really appreciate some help on this one.

Thanks,

I had a "friend" to send me a message saying she loved my cakes and wanted to "learn". I sent her a message back and told her to "go for it" I was self-taught and if I could do it I was sure that she could.
She messaged me back a few hours later and said "I don't know about that, at 48 it's hard to learn anything new." Ok, she wanted to "learn" but when I didn't offer to "teach" her she decided she couldn't?

That just confirmed to me that she was fishing for me to say "come on over and I'll show you everything I know" Since I didn't offer anything except a "go ahead and learn then" she didn't know what to say.

say you have no advise to give, as advise is irrelivant as everyone has there own way- and u cant just tell someone how to do something, then they know- it takes practise-physically which she can only d on her own.

hth

Since she is asking about "Starting a cake business in her area" I would tell her since she is so far away and in a different county and town that she'll need to call her local health department (or agriculture, not sure who it is in Texas)

This way, if she really wants to go into business she is going to have to do the leg work too. And really, 4 hours away can make a big difference in any state on regulations.

If she is planning on asking for business advice, such as recipes, decorating techniques, what to charge etc.... well then again, tell her she needs to find what works for her and she'll need to do research on what pricing is in her area.

I like mamawrobin's response that she was "self-taught, good luck". You could also direct her to search for on-line cake communities. Since you're so far away from her, it wouldn't make sense to try to teach her anyway.

If you have no contact with this person- 3 times in 12 years is tantamount to no contact- I talk to the ppl at the cable company more than that.
I don't think you even owe her a response.
You did not give her your phone # for a reason.

Don't even waste your time answering her.
You might think me rude but she started it by being rude in her request.
If she really was serious about it she would be doing the research on her own - thats what the internet is for.

I would have her do her own research. Tell her besides checking with the health department, go to the library! I am self taught and still learning and I learned the things I know from cc and checking out books from the library. Then pratice, practice.

I guess that's the one benefit to her being 4 hours away - can't physically teach her anything from here. I didn't call anyone when I started. I just started. I wanted to do it that bad.

If I'd have called someone and they told me how much cleaning was involved, I'd have never turned on the oven!

Tell her to try a Wilton class and see if she likes it or has a knack for it first.

when I research a subject - I start with the people I know who may know somethng about what I'm interested in - what does it hurt to take 10 mintutes of your time to say - Hey, you need to contact your local health dept - you need to experiment and find recipes that work for you - and you need to look at local pricing -and there's a website called cake central that has info.... it took me less than a minute to type it - and I'm not a fast typist.....

why is it okay when we want knowledge from someone else - "how do I?...." but it's not okay for someone to ask us? I don't get it....

First things first, DON"T CALL HER!! Send her an email But Be nice, VERY nice and tell her you only have two suggestions: One pick up a Wilton yearbook and enjoy learning the basics. Once she becomes comfortable or frustrated with actually making cakes from start to finish and still want to go into business tell her the next step would be and give her the Secretary of State website and phone number (she must be legal) and thats it!

Let her do her homework. Im pretty sure if she is really serious about doing this she would have done the research on her own first. I say don't call her because she will have a million questions and will keep calling you for every little thing, a 2 min call will turn into a 2 hour conversation which will stop you for working on your client cakes. You don't want to be on the phone trying to explain simple methods to her. If you want to be super nice give her a little "Lagniappe" and tell her Youtube have some great videos she can view free of charge to help her along the way!!!!! I like to keep CC my little secret and only share it with people who are very serious and appreciate the work that goes into cake making.

HTH

Loving all the replies - gives me a better perspective. I never said I was opposed to responding to her, I just want to do in a way that is helpful and not so friendly as it re-establishes in her mind that we are friends and that she can contact me any time she needs something.

I like the idea of responding to her online vs. by phone. You're right tmcakes, she is the type that will ask a lot of questions that are not relevant until she's made cake and found that she either has talent or is willing to practice a lot.

Ok, so y'all gave me great thoughts and like I said before, perspective. I appreciate it all. I got on Facebook and sent her the following message. (For those of you that are curious, she and I are not friends on FB. She friended me early on, but I got contacted so much that I took her off.)
So here's what I sent:

"Sorry it's taken a bit to respond - I stay busy and am not on the computer or phone much these days. I have a few minutes between cakes to reply, and again I'm not sure what you expect, but this is my two cents:

Not sure what you're wanting in the way of business advice - with cake, most areas are pretty specific with regards to style, type of client, and more importantly, pricing. Also specific is each county health department's regulations on what is allowed and what isn't.

Have you been making/decorating cakes? If not, I would suggest classes at either a local cake shop, or at a Michael's or Hobby Lobby. If you don't love it, or find you're not talented in that area, you'll know it. Taking a class does not necessarily make you a cake artist. The key word there is artist. Are you artistic? Like to draw, paint, and so on? Cake people are creative.

I hope this helps. Most of what I know now comes from doing. Experience is always the best teacher!

Take care and good luck,

"

I would have asked for this post to be deleted, and had directed her to CC, she could come here and read to her hearts content and asked any questions she wanted.

Great reply!! Short, sweet and to the point!! And still helpful.

I also think it was great reply! Let us know what she writes back. Hopefully, she will start to see that making cakes isn't easy!

I think you did a great job coming up with a reply. It gives her something to start with, but leaves the responsibility in her hands.

I don't really appreciate someone always asking me how to do things that I spent years and time figuring out, but at the same time, I don't mind giving occasional advice.

I am not talking about CC....I am referring to people who just don't want to think for themselves and need someone to give them all the answers!

You can't run until you learn to walk....She's got to get up off her OWN behind and do it... again, and again...


Great starting point for her, off the hook for you...