I have brides who don't want to order enough cake for everyone. They say that when guys are drinking they won't eat cake. Now me when I have some drinks I want a big piece of cake. My sister is doing the candy bar at her wedding as the favor and I am making the wedding cake.

She may have misunderstood what the article was saying, but it was only 3 weeks before the wedding and she had her RSVP's back for 150 and only wanted to order cake for like 110. It turned out that she had people asking for seconds on cake at the wedding... imagine if she hadn't ordered enough cake! Not to mention that the place that she had the wedding serves the cake... how does that work? By the time the cake is served people are up dancing and mingling... "Oh, you didn't get cake because you weren't at your seat and now we don't have anymore. Sorry!"

bluehue, part of my to-the-bride speech, (when I get one that starts to sound a little self-centered), in my best Paula Dean voice, is "You may think this day is all about you but it's not. See, while you're in the church, exchanging vows, at that point it IS about you. But once you walk down the steps of the church, you are now hosting a very large event and you have guests to take care of and darlin' we ARE going to take care of them. Now, what flavor do you think your GUESTS are going to enjoy?"

(There are some CC'ers who have heard this speech and I think they will confirm it's a great gramma speech! I've had mothers applaud me when I finish this little lecture!)


justgale, those doughnut cakes look really nice and if it's a brunch reception, then I think it fits in great! But as I tell the bride/groom who proclaim what THEY do or don't like: "Ok, but there are going to be 98 OTHER people at your reception so what do you think THEY will like?"

I am VERY big on host/hostess etiquette. You would never serve prime rib for dinner if you had invited all vegetarians, but turn the dinner into a wedding and suddenly it's "ok" to have ONLY foods that 2 people out of a hundred like. As a host/hostess to 100 guests, you have a responsibility to make sure they enjoy themselves.

Doughnuts tend to be a man food .... women are not as big on doughnuts as men (worked in too many offices ... watched how the doughnuts were consumed ... listened to too many women complain because they always have "stupid doughnuts!").

(Returns mom-finger to holster as she steps off of her soapbox.)

It's been said before my many other but here it goes again
IndyDebi--you are my hero and one of these days when I get a backbone I want to be just like you!!

At our wedding, we had the little red-and-white swirl mints wrapped up in tulle and tied with ribbon. DH, you see, is absolutely addicted to them and all his friends and family know this. It was perfect. (We also had bookmarks as favors. Also perfect. )

But they were FAVORS. Not a substitute for cake. Geez.

A friend of mine did have a candy bar at her wedding. And cheesecake before the meal (because her new DH always eats dessert first -- it was their in-joke). And cake afterward, too.

Think I gained 10 pounds at that wedding.

Ok I am ready to be flamed for what I am about to say but it is my humble opinion that...
1. The bride and groom are the bosses. Whatever they want they get. She loves chocolate. I am going to encourage her to get a chocolate cake.
2. If you hate cake, I don't believe that you have to have cake. I have had very positive reactions from wedding dessert stations from other guests at the wedding. Especially when there are dietary considerations.
SF carrot cupcakes or gluten-free brownies have been added where it was needed.
Also if you love doughnuts, you should have doughnuts. I am making an oatmeal cookie wedding cake for my step-brother because he does not eat cake. He does not eat any cake, ever.
3. I don't believe that you HAVE to buy enough cake for every person attending the wedding. There are many venues in my area that do not serve cake to empty seats. If you have a big group of people dancing, they will not be served cake. One bride told me she had her whole bottom tier left over because most of the people were dancing. If people are drinking, frequently they do not want sweets. Granted, everyone is not like that, but I do believe it is a significant number. In my experience, beer drinkers are less apt to want something sweet than someone drinking cocktails. Also if your venue serves dessert, a lot of people are going to eat that before the cake then not want cake. Some will wait and they might have two pieces, but many people may be full. Of course if your reception is 8 hours you need to make sure to have enough for people who get hungry again. Also I have found that frequently, the guests of some of my Asian brides do not like American style sweets (including wedding cake). I always ask if a wedding is going to be primarily Asian, how much their family's enjoy American dessert. Frequently, they say not so much and add that they are serving a traditional cake/dessert as well. I may encourage them to get a smaller cake that can be cut into smaller pieces for the guests.


I am very big on proper etiquette and good hosting. I think many people have fallen away from that, and I think it is sad. I just don't think that wedding cake has to be white with white frosting.

Finally I do want to say, personalized wedding cookies take FOREVER and cost a pretty penny. Whoever wrote that article didn't do his price checking.

The website this is posted on takes submissions from regular folks.

I think *someone* ....hmmm...someone knowledgable....INDY.....experienced...INDY...witty....INDY...personable....I dunno

Should write an article about why you DON'T want to have candy or dummy cakes at your wedding, why it's not as easy as it looks to make a cake yourself, etc...

Any takers?

My problem with the the bride & groom not ordering enough cake is that, as mentioned before, they are throwing a party and should have enough food for all of their guests. If I am going to 3 weddings, I am not going to buy 2 gifts and let fate decide which couples get the gifts. Secondly, it looks bad on my part and also the caterer when there is not enough cake. It looks like someone (the cake decorator) doesn't know how to do their job. If the couple wants to order less cake to save money, then they just need to order a less expensive cake.

I do agree however, that if there are going to be other desserts there, that they may not need to order as much cake. But most weddings that I have done no to have this.

I have my own lecture for this. *ahem*

I totally disagree with the cake having to be only about "what the bride and groom like". Yes, it should reflect their taste (he hates chocolate; she loves carrot...) to an extent...BUT---Like deb said, at the reception, it becomes a party where you're serving your GUESTS, and unless you want 98 leftover servings of the 100-sv cake that you designed just so YOU'll like it, you better think about what THEY want to eat for dessert. I tell brides this..."Ok, so you two love banana cake with lemon filling... Let's work with that, maybe on the top tier, just for you, but we need to think of the others at your reception, for the rest of the cake."

I don't invite people to dinner at my house and serve them just a plate of salad, because that's what *I* want to have for dinner tonight and that's my budget. I serve them standing rib roast and potato galette, seared asparagus with hollandaise, good wine, fresh baked popovers, and creme caramel for dessert. Because it's what they EXPECT when they come to dinner at our house. And I do NOT send them home hungry. (oh, and if I'm on a budget, I DON'T HAVE A PARTY in the first place--but that's a whole new thread).

Most guests still go to an American wedding expecting to see (and be served)a beautiful centerpiece wedding CAKE. I've never heard anyone say, "It was so COOL how they skipped having a cake and served us movie theater candy bars instead!" If I want a Krispy Kreme, I wouldn't have worn this silk gown and bought new shoes and a gift!

I do know a bride who's incorporating her fiances obsession with gummy bears into the cake design, by having gummies everywhere on the cake, but there's still cake under there...

*steps off soapbox*

Makes me tired. It's a tradition. Stef said it well.

(but Indy, if you get the rice krispie treat and then get your gift and go home, don't worry I'll eat it for yah )

this is all about reality tv and stupid magazine articles. MY wedding day is all about ME ME ME! No, the wedding ceremony is all about the bride AND groom. The focus is on the bride and groom. The reception is the first party that they will host as man and wife. It is your responsibility to make sure your guests are treated to a party equal to the ceremony and then some. It is not a photo op for you, it is not a time to be cheap and rude. Low budget, fewer guests, off season date/day, afternoon reception, yeah, there are ways to go thrifty, but to go cheap is rude, is poor form and shows exactly what the couple are like.

Anyone besides me want to go to ednas for dinner?

Every time we go to a wedding, and it comes up to that time. I always say to myself - "Please don't smash the cake in each others faces."
Feeding the cake is supposed to symbolize taking care of each other. I have no idea what cake smashing is supposed to symbolize.
To the old folks who are there it spoils the whole day, and they go home grumbling to each other instead of being in a "Isn't marriage wonderful" mood

Quote: "Or, if you are looking for a more gourmet fare, try a local candy shop. Often times they can create truffles that can be individually wrapped, tagged, and give the guest the option of instant gratification or extending the revelry later at home."

I LOOOVE THIS!!! Can you imagine going into a candy shop and asking for truffles to be individually wrapped and tagged - so what do y'all think THAT would cost???? First of all - that is a FAVOR - not dessert. Second of all a single truffle can cost anywhere from $2 to $3 EACH!!! Just stuffed in a white paper bag and handed off to you, never mind the special packaging. You might as well get the damn cake!!

Debi - when are you going to go on Oprah or Ellen or the Today show or SOMETHING and set all these brides straight??? I'm writing a letter NOW! SOMEONE needs to have you on to give the Cake Decorators' side of this mess.

Hubby says he is trying to find out how to get me on Paula Dean! We have the same birthday ... maybe I can offer to make her a cake!

Gimme a stage and a microphone and I'm in hog heaven!!

Oooh that would be PERFECT for you! Gonna send my email now - I think we need a separate thread of "Debi-isms" so I can send Paula all your wisdom...

Yeah, Im wondering if these people even bothered to check PRICES on all of their brilliant money saving strategies.
If Im doing the cake and cookie favors, 9 times out 10, the cookies cost more than the cake. The exception being.... CUPCAKES! Which cost more than a "normal" wedding cake.
I TOTALLY agree with the cake smashing thing. Makes me insane. Why spend all that money, time, and energy only to turn your wedding into the equivalent of a one year old's birthday party?

I was at a wedding where that happened!! Bride stormed off to the bathroom (he actually didn't even smash her at all and she did "get him" first) and her MOH had to BEG her to come out.

That marriage was over in 6 months, no one was surprised.

Oh, geez.. something else to stress me out now. LOL I just looked over my shoulder and told HTB that he better not smash cake in my face on 6/6 and that I'd never forgive him. He says, "You'll be married to me by then. LOL" Yea, but us elephants don't forget.

We were invited to a wedding a couple of years ago that was a black tie formal, evening wedding. So, he wears a tux. I'm in a long gown. We've spent good $$ on the gift and the attire. It was a military wedding (marine) and the ceremony was fine. The reception was held at a posh spot across town. We get across town and I start looking for the food. Where's the beef?? There are, oh, I'd say 4 tables set up with finger food and one dessert table that gives you choices of cookies, brownies, etc. I'm not kidding. I've had more to eat at a hen party contemplating what plastic bowl I should order so the hostess can get her free gift! I was totally disgusted. You expect me to come formal and go through all the expense of having the privilege to attend your "special day" and you don't feed me? I didn't even see a wedding cake. Ughh... it was awful.

true story, my cousin married a girl that was a little mental, and he got blue icing on her dress, she dragged him off to the side of the hall, and punched him! im not kidding! then she went off in a huff and wouldnt talk to him for a half an hour. Did i mention it didnt last a year and a half?