I Am Feeling Bad About This Situation..

Decorating By cindww Updated 23 Mar 2009 , 10:50pm by Butterpatty

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MBHazel Posted 23 Mar 2009 , 2:22pm
post #31 of 47

I think brother needs some manners lessons.... he should have asked what help you needed and offered to take care of the cake. I am sure he thinks he is doing you a great favor.

I would have been hurt too.

I would go ahead and make my cake as planned. A good party planner is always prepared. After all, your brother could drop his cupcakes coming in the door!

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lapazlady Posted 23 Mar 2009 , 2:23pm
post #32 of 47

Make your cake. It's a gift and no one else can do something as personal. Happy Birthday Grandma. Enjoy your party.

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Gale Posted 23 Mar 2009 , 2:25pm
post #33 of 47

I would definitely make the cake anyway and I would also let people know I didn't make the cupcakes. If they taste bad, people might think they were yours; kind of like bringing a grocery store sheet cake to a wedding and being served in addition to a small wedding cake. I would be upset with the family member who wants to change the menu. I would have asked her if she was willing to pay for these new choices. I also think it is bad that you don't get help cleaning up afterwards, etc. JMO

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juleebug Posted 23 Mar 2009 , 3:57pm
post #34 of 47

OP - you're not being petty at all. Sounds like your brother was thinking more about scoring brownie points with this girl than considering your feelings or the tradition that you have established. I'd let him know how his actions made me feel. And I'd tell the family member who was complaining about the menu that perhaps they should bring their own food or stop at McD's on their way over because the menu has already been planned.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gale

I would definitely make the cake anyway and I would also let people know I didn't make the cupcakes. If they taste bad, people might think they were yours; kind of like bringing a grocery store sheet cake to a wedding and being served in addition to a small wedding cake.




Exactly what I was thinking! I belong to a committee that organizes an annual Christmas Dinner for the disadvantaged. The first time they ever asked me to provide a cake, I made it clear that if I did they could not serve grocery store cake on the same night. I DID NOT want people thinking that was MY cake.

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candynumber1 Posted 23 Mar 2009 , 4:13pm
post #35 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaBellaFlor

I don't think your being a jerk & I'm sorry you were disregarded for something that you hold as a tradition. I'll tell you who I do think is kind of a jerk. Your brother for not being considerate & asking you if it was okay to try something different this year for your Grandmother. I also think your mother was a little inconsiderate too for not saying something to your brother about you usually making the cake. Thats just my opinion, I'm sort of a traditionalist on family traditions, and I think my feelings would be hurt too.



I agree, it was inconsiderate of you brother. Personally I think he knows that, seeing that he mentioned to your mother and not you( The Hostess!)

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SUELA Posted 23 Mar 2009 , 4:16pm
post #36 of 47

I would have felt the same way....what about MY cake?

I have a close friend who every other year doesn't want to inconvenience me and buys a store bought cake. Though she asks if I can come help at the party lol!

My first impression was they were trying to "help" by taking that job off your plate. But "beautifully decorated" DOES NOT equal delicious. People don't get it that bypassing the cake decorators of the family is an insult. The slap in the face here was that brother was being well a man, and mom didn't even mention your cake.

I also agree that if they wanted to help out, maybe a cash infusion would have been nice.

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yelle66 Posted 23 Mar 2009 , 4:19pm
post #37 of 47

I would make the cake, too. And I would probably say something about it. I don't think you will have to worry about many people choosing vegan cupcakes over your cake either (also, said with much respect toward vegans, but come on, vegan butter is just not the same taste as cow butter icon_wink.gif Lots of parties have cake and cupcakes. I did a cake for someone and for some reason she had relatives bring cupcakes and cookies and all kinds of things. I had no idea she was going to do that, but whatever. It worked out and even though people grabbed cupcakes with their dinner b/c they were sitting right there, they still had cake when it was cut. Oh and on another note, I do think your brother was being a little inconsiderate knowing full well that that is what you do for a living, but I think sometimes people just don't think when they make decisions like that, so I'm sure it was unintentional.

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CakeDiosa Posted 23 Mar 2009 , 4:21pm
post #38 of 47

wow....okay so I read through the first page of responses and there are so many valid points I feel like I may be bringing sand to the beach but at the end of the day:

Let's see... you are taking care of your FOUR children's needs while paying for everything, hosting, coordinating, getting the house ready, etc. all while and taking everyone else's feelings into consideration. Your plate is full enough without having the stress of adding vegan cupcakes to it!

No offense to the cupcakes, your brother or whoever made them but you shouldn't be made to feel - OR - [i]make yourself feel [/i]that the cupcakes replace your cake. And unless someone outright said it I really don't think they realize the insult. If you aren't a cake decorator you just can't appreciate the time, planning and labor and LOVE that go into making a cake. Especially one so steeped in tradition for you. (just ask me... after three days of laboring over a 40h birthday cake I made FREE for a family member, pretty much neglecting my two kids for those days, missing my cake class so I could deliver it all while I was sick and all I got was a quick glance at it and a "Thanks, Jen." talk about a downer....) I'm sure neither your mom or brother thought twice about impact of the cupcakes - heck - they may have even thought they were helping you out so you wouldn't have to put time into a cake. You should go forward with your cake plan, have it be the center of the party YOU planned and allow the cupcakes to sit out on the dessert table somewhere next to the dinner mints. If nothing else you will be setting the standard for any future issues and that is that so long as you plan, pay and host suggestions are welcome but in the end what you want will be the order of the day. I've got pretty thick skin and a big ol' thick spine and firmly believe people will only treat you as you allow them to. And that applies from big issues to even the small unintended acts.

I always try to consider the intent behind people's words and actions (especially loved ones) and remember they can't read my mind before I misinterpret things and get all bent out of shape. It's hard but I'm sure no ill intent was meant (unless there is some bad history with you and your brother but it doesn't sound like it).

Also, don't hesitate to tell him how you feel about it. Edit it so your not so emotional but just tell him as you did us how much you look forward to it and love making this special for your grandmother and family to enjoy and that the cupcakes can be welcomed at any other event but you'd appreciate the courtesy of running things like this past you before having it dumped on you. Expect him not to understand since he doesn't do cakes and be pleasantly surprised if does.

Hope all the CCers are helping you feel better about this situation. I just lOOOVVEEEE this community - even the vegan cupcake makers hee hee hee icon_biggrin.gif !

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tiggy2 Posted 23 Mar 2009 , 4:34pm
post #39 of 47

When he hands you the cupcakes say thanks and take them into the kitchen. When he asks where they are (and he will) say "Oh I must have forgotten to bring them out" and leave it at that. When the party is over I'd ask Mother and Brother "Who is going to host Granadma's party next year"? My guess is neither of them will want to foot the bill and do all the work. If that's the case then I'd tell them ok, I'll do it but I'm in charge and all menu changes will need to be approved by me in advance icon_smile.gif

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pouchet82 Posted 23 Mar 2009 , 5:03pm
post #40 of 47

I'm sorry that your brother was thinking with parts of his anatomy other than his brain... You thought you were being petty? I would trip him at the door and feed the cupcakes to my dog. Hehehehe. Ok, maybe a little mean and vengeful. I agree with Tiggy2, don't serve the cupcakes !!

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juleebug Posted 23 Mar 2009 , 5:20pm
post #41 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by pouchet82

I would trip him at the door and feed the cupcakes to my dog.




OMGosh! I thought THE SAME THING about tripping him!!! icon_twisted.gif

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pouchet82 Posted 23 Mar 2009 , 5:24pm
post #42 of 47

juleebug, I'm glad I am not the only mean one here!!

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CNCS Posted 23 Mar 2009 , 6:46pm
post #43 of 47

I'd go ahead and do the cake and see which goes faster his cupcakes or my cake.

Bet it will be the cake.

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SUELA Posted 23 Mar 2009 , 6:54pm
post #44 of 47

Why punish the dog?

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pouchet82 Posted 23 Mar 2009 , 7:04pm
post #45 of 47

SUELA- my dog will eat ANYTHING

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cindww Posted 23 Mar 2009 , 8:17pm
post #46 of 47

Some of your responses have made me laugh out loud, thanks for that!! icon_smile.gif

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Butterpatty Posted 23 Mar 2009 , 10:50pm
post #47 of 47

In my experience, men are clueless about stuff like this and I doubt he has even realized what a gaffe he has committed. I would accept his cupcakes graciously, have them out as a dessert (and explain that HE provided them), but also make GM the cake she has come to look forward to every year. I have lived thru multiple bouts of bad health (including Stage IV cancer) and by crackies there had better be a yummy gooey buttercream cake on my birthday!! Cupcakes are nice, but I want that good ol' cake to cut into.

In addition, if you plan and do the lion's share of work on this party, then what you decide GOES. No discussion, no argument. Somebody doesn't like it? Tough- they can bring what they want and pay for it.

Above all, remember that this party is to honor your beloved GM. Do the cake that you and she seem to look forward to each year and let the other stuff roll off your back.

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