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I am feeling bad about this situation..

post #1 of 47
3/22/09 at 4:57pm
Thread Starter 
Hey all,
Just wanted to share something that happened tonight that made me feel kind of sad. I guess I'm looking for some of my fellow decorators to tell me that I'm not a petty jerk for being upset about this...

Okay, here it is in a nutshell. Every year, I throw a party for my grandmother to celebrate her birthday. Family comes in from all over the country and I always do the cake. I look forward to this all year and think months ahead to what kind of cake I'm going to do.

Anyway, I spoke to my mother tonight who told me that my brother had ordered some "beautifully decorated" cupcakes for my grandmother's party. One of his former students is trying to start up a vegan cupcake business.

I feel like a real jerk that this has upset me so much. I hate that I feel so petty. I just feel like the cake has been my gig. I look forward to presenting my grandmother with a lovely cake for her birthday.

Anyway, folks, please don't blast me if you think I'm being jerky here. I didn't share my feelings with anyone except my hubby who let me cry on his shoulder for a minute or two. There is nothing I can do except be gracious about the cupcakes that are being brought in to the party I've planned. I'll display them and I'm sure they'll be enjoyed.

Thanks for reading..
Cindy
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post #2 of 47
3/22/09 at 5:05pm
Ummm... I would bring my own cake. What's wrong with a little variety? Your party, you planned it.... Maybe brother thought he was taking a load off your mind?
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post #3 of 47
3/22/09 at 5:05pm
It's not being petty!! For years you have been doing this and everyone in your family knows it.If it is what your grandmother wants then be gracious and let the cupcakes come.Your borther may just be trying to get a kick start on his students business but he really should have asked you first especially if you host the party.If you do host the party every year which I think you do from what I can gather from the post then I may have politley called your brother and said "It's my party and I make the cake decisions...Unless or until you host.... then I get the say about the cake !!

Back off Brother..I'm the cake Queen!! thumbs_up.gif HA!HA!
Busy Bakin Kakes For Kids!!!

Mom to Mitchell 11 yrs and Delaney 9 yrs
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Busy Bakin Kakes For Kids!!!

Mom to Mitchell 11 yrs and Delaney 9 yrs
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post #4 of 47
3/22/09 at 5:07pm
I don't blame you one bit for how you're feeling!! Could you say something to your mother, along the lines of..."I was looking forward to making the cake, so we'll have cake AND cupcakes this year!"
Frankly, I think your brother is stepping on your toes, if you're the one throwing the party and you always make the cake. There's no need whatsoever for you to feel like a jerk!!
If it were me, I'd be gracious about the cupcakes...and I would also make the cake I'd planned. Guests can appreciate and enjoy them both. And maybe in the future, family members might be more sensitive to the fact that the cake IS your gig!
"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
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"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
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post #5 of 47
3/22/09 at 5:08pm
I don't think your being a jerk & I'm sorry you were disregarded for something that you hold as a tradition. I'll tell you who I do think is kind of a jerk. Your brother for not being considerate & asking you if it was okay to try something different this year for your Grandmother. I also think your mother was a little inconsiderate too for not saying something to your brother about you usually making the cake. Thats just my opinion, I'm sort of a traditionalist on family traditions, and I think my feelings would be hurt too.
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post #6 of 47
3/22/09 at 5:09pm
i agree with the previous post, if you are in charge of planning the party you should go ahead and make your cake!!! Let your guest choose from the two for dessert!! Good Luck and Let us know what your decide to do!!
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post #7 of 47
3/22/09 at 5:10pm
Bring the cake!! I'm sure others besides your grandmother looks forward to your wonderful creations!! icon_smile.gif
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post #8 of 47
3/22/09 at 5:14pm
i think that if have been making your grandmother's cakes for her birthday for the past couple of years then there is nothing wrong with giving her a beautiful personal sized cake as a gift. maybe if you explained to those who cared to make an issue of it that it was a tradition that the two of you shared and you are not trying to outshine new guys vegan cupcakes. just my opinion...

is anyone else's mouth watering from saying that??? maybe if you held the vowels a little longer...veeeeeegaaan cuuupcaakeees... maybe i just haven't had any good ones yet..or maybe i'm just mean. icon_lol.gif
grrrrr!
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grrrrr!
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post #9 of 47
3/22/09 at 5:15pm
No, I don't think you're being petty. You throw the party and you provide the cake, every year. I think your brother overstepped boundaries. It's great that he wants to help out a former student but he should have talked with you first.

Besides, although they may be good, I don't want vegan cupcakes. Give me the REAL thing! Please don't blast me, I'm not blasting vegan but cupcakes...vegan...just don't mix to me.
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post #10 of 47
3/22/09 at 5:15pm
Oh I'd be desperately hurt too, so no...I don't think you're being jerky! icon_smile.gif Also, that said, I know that some have mentioned needing an acquired pallet for vegan baked goods. I recently made a cake for a friend's son, and while I thought it had a nice flavor, it had a little bit of a different taste to it too. So there may be some that aren't really wanting to have those cupcakes and woudl prefer to have your cake there as well.

I agree that your brother probably was trying to help out, I doubt (although you know him better) that he would intentionally try to cheap shot you...he's trying to help out his student too. icon_biggrin.gif Good luck, I'm sure your grandma will LOVE whatever you come up with this year. : D

Keyshia
"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step."
-Dr Martin Luther King Jr.
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"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step."
-Dr Martin Luther King Jr.
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post #11 of 47
3/22/09 at 5:17pm
If you are the host its up to you. If its a family sponsored event then your brother and mother have input. But depending on how many people are attending, a few vegan cupcakes may not be enough. I'd still do the cake and let it be the centerpeice of the party. Make the invites and decorations and flowers revolve around the cake, then when your brother shows up with his garbanzo bean cuppies...you'll be the star.
No offense intended to the vegans out there I'm exaggerating to make a point.
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post #12 of 47
3/22/09 at 5:18pm
Thread Starter 
THanks for the replies, guys..
Knowing my brother, it didn't occur to him that he'd be stepping on my toes. Just wanted to help out his friend..but when my mom was telling me how delicious these vegan cupcakes are (bearing in mind, not even one vegan will be in attendance at said party, but whatever) and how beautifully decorated they are.. i was like, "Why is he doing that?". I mean, the long and short of it is that I don't want anyone else's creation to take away from mine, and I hate that I feel that way. Its crazy!

The fact that I received this phone call immediately after talking to another family member who wanted to add different food items to the menu because what I've planned isn't special enough for my grandmother. What I felt like saying is that I do it the way I do it because our grandmother doesn't care what kind of food we serve, she cares that we are all together for her day. I should have said, if you don't like what's been planned, then do it your d*mn self!! I've got 4 children, I don't need this aggravation! icon_smile.gif But I told her we'd happily have whatever she wanted.

I think I may be having a bad night. Thank you for listening to me vent icon_smile.gif
You guys rock..
Cindy
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post #13 of 47
3/22/09 at 5:24pm
Thread Starter 
Just wanted to make one more point. I have no intention of NOT doing the cake for my grandmother. She loves my cakes and I enjoy doing them too much to not do one for her!! If you look in my photos, you'll see the one I did for her last year..its 3 or 4 tiers (can't remember which) with crystals shooting out the top..

I pretty much do the whole party, from choosing the decorations and theme to paying for most everything.. (well, except for the vegan cupcakes!! ha!), set up, and cleaning up.
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post #14 of 47
3/22/09 at 5:27pm
It's your party. You are entitled to vent. We are good listeners. I must say though, that your grandmother would probably be really disappointed without YOUR cake. As others have said, the cupcakes can be there for those who want them, but I'm sure many will be expecting and looking forward to YOUR cake. Go for it girl! Tradition!
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post #15 of 47
3/22/09 at 5:29pm
I agree with the other posts. You are not wrong for how you feel. I would be hurt too. I would still do my cake. It is your home and what is a birthday party without a beautiful birthday cake. And your Grandmother may wonder why you didn't do the cake. After all it is VEG cupcakes, that doesn't take the place of a birthday cake in my opinion.
Debbie


http://www.flickr.com/photos/hartsdelights/
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Debbie


http://www.flickr.com/photos/hartsdelights/
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