CHEAP, CHEAP, CHEAP:::Sam's is up the road - Page 6

Who made up these new rules anyway? Wonder if this is a regional thing? I grew up about 2 hours north of Indydebi and we NEVER had anyone but the bridal party (and the minister) at the rehearsal dinner and we certainly never expected anyone to bring a gift. In fact, the rehearsal dinner is when the bride and groom took little 'thank you' gifts for the bridesmaids and groomsmen.

Debi, we must do things differently in the midwest - LOL!

I have no idea. The one rehersal dinner I went to was nice. We received an invite with the registery info on a slip of paper. We arrived and saw a table set up for gifts. I had assumed the registry was for the wedding. I assumed the table was for gifts for the bridal party. They roasted the bride and groom and then opened the gifts right then and there! While all this was going on, my 6 y.o. DD sat waiting for dinner.(rehersal at 6 dinner at 7). We watched them open up everything. Aunt Snarky McSnarkyton had a guest list ready to write down the gifts presumably for thank you's. I did not bring a gift and Mr. McSnarkyton asked when it would arrive! DD received a cheap tin bracelet and was asked to give back the basket of flowers she carried. Haven't spoke to B&G since.

Yeah, sounds like we do it LOGICALLY!

ya'lls every hear you might be a redneck if???? I live in cheap redneck country. something about small towns and such. The smaller the cheaper and back woods. I have lived in several states and small towns and big cities. I want to go back to the city, they know what's up.

Oh you REALLY should submit this to www.etiquettehell.com !

OK, I'm sorry y'all but I have to call "bull****" on this one. If I got an invite like that I'd probably be spitting out the mouthful of flies from standing there with my mouth hanging open. I'm totally blown away that couples do this. Am I the last person in the free world to hear about this?

I hope this is an isolated event but then I thought cheap brides were too!

When my son got married it was a very large wedding with a lot of the bride's family traveling in from other states.

I had shut down my business about a year earlier to take care of a disabled and ill mother so money was beginning to get a little tight on my end. I had set a certain amount of money aside to take care of the rehearsal dinner, so I didn't worry too much.

I almost stroked out when I was informed that the rehearsal dinner was going to be for 85 people.

Luckily, they decided on buffet style. We rented a hall: I made all the food (including home made breads and rolls) and the cake, and I have to admit, we all had a blast. There were no gifts involved except the ones that the bride and groom gave out to family and the bridal party.

I thought at the time that a rehearsal party that large was really unusual but after reading some of the above posts, I guess it's not.

See, this is where I believe in the Golden Rule .... those with the gold, make the rules. If I'm paying for it, then I get to decide how many will be there.

When my daughter got married, I told her we couldn't afford the rehearsal dinner also. If she wanted to go out for dinner after rehearsal, everyone would have to pay their own bill ... we couldn't do it. (I won't speculate or discuss why this became a question for the mother of the bride ..... )

Wow, what a difference in how rehearsal dinners are in different states. I gave gifts to my bridal party, our family/friends who read during the service, and the husbands/wives of those people at the rehearsal dinner. Only the bridal party/readers/etc. and our parents were there. It was everyone that needed to be at the rehearsal for the wedding, hence the rehearsal dinner.

A lot of brides here are doing big rehearsal dinners for that reason, it's the out of town guests. They think that they have to entertain everyone constantly, and/or it's relatives they haven't seen for a long time so they want to spend some time with them that's not at the reception. It's ridiculous, because it does start to be two receptions.

I had one friend who actually said that where she was from the families kept a mental tally of how much the gifts they got were worth, and if someone gave them a gift that cost less than the cost of the dinner they got at the reception, the guest was put on the family's Sh@@ list! I told her I thought that was absurd, but she insisted that in her community it was accepted that you gave a gift equal to the cost of what the wedding would cost the family per person, or you were considered to be cheap. How you were supposed to know in advance how much the wedding would cost is unknown to me...

When I got married I had a couple of friends who got mad at me because they wanted to throw us a shower, and I told them that I'd prefer it if people didn't have to bring gifts. All of our firends at the time were either poor graduate students, poor musicians, or just out of school, and I knew that nobody could afford a lot of presents. These two friends got mad and said "what are we supposed to do, just have a party where we serve food?" I said "uh, yeah, that would be called 'brunch.' " Instead of doing that they just cancelled the whole thing! Some people can't think past gifts, I guess.

That's how we did it, too, in the olden days! (We need a grey haired emoticon!)

Maybe some people today are thinking that they are "rehearsing" for the reception...you know, practicing eating, drinking and opening gifts. The actual wedding is just a technicality for some.

Oh my goodness - I think this 'friend' had a few screws loose. You don't get married just to get gifts and then condemn those who don't give you a gift you feel isn't worthy. That's just greed, pure and simple. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume this person is no longer a friend???






This brings up another good point - the bridal shower. I totally forgot about that - now you're in for THREE gifts! Oy!

actually you are wrong.. the rehearsal dinner is for the bridal party to practice for the wedding day and then the bride and groom pay to take them to dinner as a thank you for being a part of their day and the bride and groom give gifts to the bridal party. i have 10 sisters and have been to many weddings and rehearsal dinners... and my youngest sister just got married this year and it was the same.

IMHO, the rehearsal dinner guest list is up to the couple. If they want to invite out of town guests who traveled to the wedding (some from out of the country) AND if they can afford it and feel that the cost is worth it, then they do just that. One of my siblings is in the restaurant business and he gives the rehearsal dinner to his nieces and nephews as a wedding present. If they want barbecue (Rudy's), they are free to invite whomever they want. I do have very loving and generous siblings.

I have a large family - 39 in the immediate family (siblings and their families) and a HUGE extended family. I got married in 1977 and we had everyone at my rehearsal dinner for chicken spaghetti and salad, which we prepared. When my daughter got married three years ago, the rehearsal dinner was held at a restaurant and only the wedding party was invited.

The wedding day is so busy and sometimes the night before is the only chance the couple has to see their loved ones who came to share this time with them. The point is - this is an individual decision. There are no rules about who you can have at an event that you host.

I have never, ever been to a rehearsal dinner where the guests were expected to bring gifts.