Not a diasaster more of a slap in the face - Page 3

The reason that I think there should be something about a church discount is because I think that cake was totally undercharged for the amount of work involved, so that would show the customers that she was already donating cake by only charging them $200. But just as you said, you don't want it to be a permanent church discount, so I said special event discount, by which I mean putting some kind of term on it that says this is a ONE TIME ONLY DISCOUNT.

If you do invoice for just the $200, I would also be inclined to either refuse orders from that group in the future or else quote the full market price and then if you are willing to do it for less, make sure they know that you are giving them a deal.

There are lots of good ideas here. I'll be interested in hearing how this plays out if the OP pursues this.

Definitely get your money...from the daughter! She is the one you made the agreement, and you said your own daughter heard her agree to it when you all were cleaning up. This has nothing to do with the paster or his wife...the wife just happened to write the check, but that's neither here nor there. The daughter knew that check didn't say $200.
Let her know she has an outstanding balance and make her be responsible.

The cake was absolutely beautiful. You deserve more for yourself. Believe me, I've never been one to like confrontations either, but sometimes you just have to get the backbone to do it, because people will run over you...sometimes even more so with church people, friends and family!

Good luck and post the outcome.

Had you discussed the price with the daughter BEFORE you made the cake or was your first price discussion with her when you were cleaning up AFTER the celebration?

I really have to wonder if there wasn't miscommunication here, especially after you said that pastor's wife, one of the honorees, signed the check.

Did you volunteer to make the cake, or were you asked to? Were you cleaning up after the cake was served when you first mentioned a price for the cake?

If any of those things are true, it makes me wonder if it was believed you were either donating a cake, or if they assumed Walmart type prices because...that's what cake costs.

And then I wonder if the daughter was in a bind because there was no money budgeted from the church, so her mother had to use her own money to pay what she could for her own cake.

I'm hoping I'll hear that I'm wrong on all counts.

In my humble oppinion, I think you should send them an invoice for the total due. If this had been any other situation or person that is what you would have done . So what you had quoted to these people and agreed upon is what you should get paid. My family and friends order cakes from me and when we agree upon a price, that is what I get paid. Why should it be any different for your pastor or his family or the church? If you're so concerned about being nice and not wanting confrontation, then just descretly take her aside after services are over and talk with her. I'm sure if she is a TRUE christian than she will write you a check right away with no hesitation. Good luck and I hope you get your money.

I like the way Debradough phrased it and aim it at the daughter.
But- if you are dreading any more confrontation- please just forget it. Yes- your cake is quite beautiful and yes you deserve it. But know that what goes around comes around, if someone delibrately denied you something that is rightfully yours- God will provide it to you some other way.

I feel there was a terrible miscommunication somehow. The fact that the pastor's wife had to sign the check for her own cake really bothers me. If you go to anyone, go to the daughter...don't bring the pastor's wife in on this. After all, it was her own celebration, and it was the daughter who ordered the cake.

I am a pastor's wife myself and know miscommunications can happen very easily! And it hurts me a little to see this pastor's wife in this thread, having her character questioned when its not even clear if she had anything to do with ordering this cake OR any responsibility for paying for it.

As far as the decorating side...this is precisely why I donate cake to church functions (baby showers and etc) and any cake orders I simply say "donation only". So far nobody has taken advantage of me (except maybe one lady, who honestly had no money to pay me but wanted a cake...I just talked her down to a small one and figured I was doing it for the Lord, really! I'll be booked up next time she orders LOL). And I also don't really encourage people ordering cake from me. Its just a huge problem waiting to happen. So I do not charge my fellow church members any specific prices, because I cannot afford a miscommunication, or an "expensive" price, to stir up trouble in church. Its just not worth it, ya know? We don't have a large church so I suppose I have it easier....if we had a larger one, I would just have to refuse some orders by saying "booked up".

If you like your church, and you like your pastor...maybe the $50 isn't worth the trouble it would cause. But if there are more problems than just the $50...well then, the problem runs deeper and you will have to deal with that however you see fit.

I think you should deal with the daughter also, and ask for the $50.
I know that I would feel uncomfortable doing it, but I think that you have to clear it up. Because this will always be on your mind....
I also think that just because it is a church, that they might be trying to take advantage of you not saying anything?? just a thought...

I did unfortunately know a pastor one time that would cheat people...but again that is precisely why I do not get involved in money transactions in church, whenever possible. It just stirs things up. Its better for me to give out free cake (again I have a small church, only a few cake functions, and not many member orders) than to deal with the hassle and trouble that is caused by asking for money from another church member. I get more than enough orders from the "outside" to worry about money in church.

Iâm confused about the price quoting. Did you tell them beforehand what the cost of the cake would be or afterwards?

If it was before you made the cake and she agreed to it then yes you should try to get the other $50 she owes you. I canât see the picture of your cake (big red X) so I canât comment on that, sorry. But from everyoneâs comments so far it must have been beautiful and worth every penny of that $200. You worked hard for it and you deserve to get paid.

If you gave her the price after the party then I think you were unfair to them. I have no doubt there was a budget in place for this event and they were either expecting you to donate the cake or do it for an extreme discount (Wal-Mart prices). Iâm sure had they known in advance what your price would be they probably would have either gotten the cake somewhere else or ordered something less expensive.

I know - for me at least - I have the worst memory. I could be told 20 times that the total was $200, but when I actally write the check, I would forget the amount and think that I was told it was $150. I've done it before, and have felt horrible about writing the wrong amount. Maybe it was oversight on her part. She should have checked. I'd mention it to her that the check should have been $200.

It really depends on the situation. If the price was agreed upon up front, when the cake was ordered, then yes the $50 is still owed. If the price was not discussed until delivery of the cake then they probably had sticker shock (and not enough in the bday cake budget!). As Christians, we're supposed to go to the brother who offended us and broach the situation with them... not anyone else. I strongly encourage you to go to the daughter and broach the subject with her since she's the one who arranged for the cake. $50 is a lot of money nowadays.. heck, it'll buy at least 1/2 a gallon of gas
I know at our Church I've donated Pastor Appreciation cakes knowing that otherwise the pastors would be the ones paying for it. I'll only do it if I'm not busy w/ other orders or commitments.
The cake is absolutely gorgeous! You did a wonderful job on it!

Melanie Mc.

I agree. I think there may have been a miscommunication, but, without addressing it directly you will never know. I also agree with the previous poster that this is the type thing that can fester. How do I know? AHHHH, Experience is the BEST teacher! If you have a day or two....take time to ready my thread from a couple of years ago (IF it's still there) The Cake from He--!

However, we can all give advice but the final decision is up to you. NOW, my SON would say that giving the check back is a "passive aggressive" move; probably because it is something "I" would do and I'm the poster child for passive aggressive! LOL

I wish you the best and hope you can resolve this so that it doesn't cause conflict in your life.

Beth in KY

Apologies in advance for the VERY long reply!

I think you are called to assume the best in this situation, of both your pastor's daughter, and your pastor's wife. It is not right to assume the worst before even talking to them (particularly of the pastor's wife, who may know nothing about any of this!). Don't let yourself get worked up and feel "cheated". Just assume that somewhere along the way there was a miscommunication, and set about handling it biblically. Even if you discover along the way that the miscommunication was intentional, guard your heart from responding in a way that is contrary to what would bring honor to the Lord.

Some questions asked by PP -
Who ordered the cake? Did they agree to the $200 beforehand?
Whose money was paying for it (you said the pastor's wife signed the check, but was it a church check, or a personal check)? (if personal, why was the pastor paying for his own cake??)

If the church was paying for it and the daughter only knew about the price of the cake after the party, I would just approach the daughter (or whoever agreed to the price) privately and say in a genuinely kind tone, " I just wanted to mention to you that the check you gave me was for $150 instead of the $200 I quoted you. Was there a problem with the $200?" and see what she says. While at the same time trying to gently uncover the story (without trying to embarrass the daughter or her mother). You might uncover a simple miscommunication, or an awkward situation that you can respond graciously to.

Or you might uncover a situation of blatant deceit, greediness, etc. Then what??

You have to look at your own heart and get rid of your own anger, resentment, and offended feelings before you can approach those involved in this situation, and it also means being fully prepared in your own heart to let it go and let love cover this, even if your pastor's daughter and/or her mother are being greedy. And remember that letting it go and letting love cover this means not holding on to any resentment or hurt feelings towards them, and not letting your tongue speak of the situation to others either (especially anyone who knows them). It is easy to look and point out where another person does not measure up. But it is far more important for us to look into our own hearts. You cannot control another person and their heart (or even know it, really!), but you can know your own heart, and work on it.

We like to think hurt feelings are "ok" - who hasn't ever said, "I'm not angry, I'm just hurt"? But honestly, hurt feelings can very EASILY fester into bitterness, even if we say we have forgiven someone. People will say, "But I can't help my feelings! I can't help being hurt." To which I would respond, that you CAN do things to redirect your energies and to guard your heart and your tongue.

None of us know how often we have been (and will be in the future) on the receiving end of love that covers. But we should all assume we have received that covering love a LOT - because we probably have! And we should work to be generous in extending it to others.

When all is said and done, you might also learn to handle things differently from the begining next time. There is nothing unChristian about making up a contract and agreeing on a price beforehand (or declining business or referring potential customers to other bakers in their price range). I think the informality of the agreement this time has contributed to the problem, and maybe more formality might make things a lot smoother all around next time.

I know you are hurt and frustrated. I hope you know I am speaking all of this in love, and only trying to encourage you (not accuse you!)

Wow, well said