Aww. Now I feel bad
When I got married, we asked for cash gifts. Well, we didn't ask exactly. My husband and I were moving from Mexico to Canada and our guests (close family and close close BFFs) called our parents and asked what they could get us. And our parents suggested that the most practical would be cash. The gifts covered the cost of the wedding.Hi Meegh, this doesn't sound unproper at all...your friends and family knew that you were moving and $$ gift sound to me like the proper thing to do.
I am from Mexico too (but lived in the USA most my life) and I know what you mean about the postal service in Mexico--'thank you' cards are just not the thing.
I had a huge quinceanera party for my daughter 5yrs ago. It never crossed my mind to ask for help from anyone not even family. So, at the party one of the guest asked me: you paid for the whole thing by yourself? what a fool! nowadays you get sponsors for your big parties
...this is the same guest that throws pot-lucks for her kid's b-day parties. Well, maybe this is a new trend, but I'm old fashion...if I can't afford a party I just won't throw it...very simple
Amen to that!! It is bad enough that weddings are soooo outrageous now, but birthday parties for a kid?? Whatever happened to just cake and ice cream, pin the tail on the donkey and a pinata??
Aww. Now I feel bad
When I got married, we asked for cash gifts. Well, we didn't ask exactly. My husband and I were moving from Mexico to Canada and our guests (close family and close close BFFs) called our parents and asked what they could get us. And our parents suggested that the most practical would be cash. The gifts covered the cost of the wedding.Hi Meegh, this doesn't sound unproper at all...your friends and family knew that you were moving and $$ gift sound to me like the proper thing to do.
I am from Mexico too (but lived in the USA most my life) and I know what you mean about the postal service in Mexico--'thank you' cards are just not the thing.
I had a huge quinceanera party for my daughter 5yrs ago. It never crossed my mind to ask for help from anyone not even family. So, at the party one of the guest asked me: you paid for the whole thing by yourself? what a fool! nowadays you get sponsors for your big parties
...this is the same guest that throws pot-lucks for her kid's b-day parties. Well, maybe this is a new trend, but I'm old fashion...if I can't afford a party I just won't throw it...very simple
Amen to that!! It is bad enough that weddings are soooo outrageous now, but birthday parties for a kid?? Whatever happened to just cake and ice cream, pin the tail on the donkey and a pinata??
Whatever happened to just cake and ice cream, pin the tail on the donkey and a pinata?[/quote]
Good question! All though, there certainly seems to be no short supply of "donkeys"....and maybe some of those should be beaten with a stick instead of the pinatas. 
What happened was the MTV generation and all these "My Sweet 16" tv shows where parties are $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and teenagers thinking they are 'owed' this from their parents!!!!!!!!!
Whatever happened to the 'good old days'???? My kids were happy to get a cake and ice cream with some friends over to maybe spend the night.........EVEN WHEN THEY WERE 16!!!!!!!
Yes... a lot of nerve and NO brain !!!! since this UNFIT parent is just a friend of a friend, stay away from her and don't talk to her.. you are in no obligation to put up with her stupidity.. I feel sorry for her children for having a dysfunctional parent. 
yes and the P.S. should read, they will also be attending college in 2 years (or should be) if you feel obligated, please begin your savings now....
hehehehe, the nerve of some people!
My 11 year old was talking about her sweet 15!?!?!?!?! First,
I thought it was a sweet 16 not a sweet 15 and she told me that she wanted a quinceanera, but that I had already told her no. Second, it's 4 years away!!!!! I guess she got the idea from watching Wizards of Waverly Place (a Disney show) I told her she DEFINATELY could have a sweet 15 and a sweet 16 party, if she got a job to pay for it. I have no problem throwing her a party, but the things they think they are gonna have for the party is ridiculous! Sometimes I think kids don't realize or appreciate how much time and money it takes to throw such elaborate parties. That's what the parents are for, to teach them that, and this lady obviously missed that lesson in parenting 101 
yes and the P.S. should read, they will also be attending college in 2 years (or should be) if you feel obligated, please begin your savings now....
hehehehe, the nerve of some people!
You know...she probably will. But at least that is something to celebrate. (But i AIN'T PAYING FOR THAT EITHER!!!!!)
i have two opinions on this
first, i want to say that this woman is an idiot!! your kids,your party, your money!
but for those who are saying that parents are going overboard on their kids, i think that we can't all be lumped into the same category. maybe my story will make someone out there see a different side:
my story: i grew up with a mother who had/has little self confidence and social skills, who feels like she is lower than everyone around, and that has really affected her ability to step out and claim her space. she tends to shrink back into the wallpaper, and let everyone else around her shine. this caused a ripple effect; while i grew up in a great home, i missed out on many things that my friends had. for example: i never had a decorated cake until i was 16...not even sprinkles from kroger. i was never allowed to have a birthday party...ever. i'm 32, and still haven't had one. there were many other things that could be considered silly or luxury type things or situations, but would have made a huge difference in making me feel special and confident in myself and my abilities. i have struggled hard over the years, and am now the polar opposite of my mother in that way...i claim what is mine, i am a people person with a lot of friends, and i have a tendency to go overboard to make the people i love feel special.
we have one daughter...she's almost 5, and i can honestly say that i have never seen a more loving, mild mannered child. we have had two miscarriages in the last two years, and i'm not sure that we'll ever be able to have another, no matter how badly my heart aches. the angel that god chose to give us really is such a unique little blessing, and i so badly want to give her the things that i didn't have. i believe that every child deserves a day that is solely theirs, not shared with anyone or anything else. turning one year older and wiser is a huge thing, in my opinion, and a reason to celebrate. does this necessarily mean spending tons of money??? absolutely not! i am a bargain hunter, and can usually find a creative cheaper alternative to what i want...simple and homemade is sometimes the very best!!
don't get me wrong...i think that budgets need to be made for a reason, and depend on everyone's individual financial circumstances, but if my daughter carried herself in the way she should, why doesn't she deserve one day of extravagance? why does that make me a "parent of these spoiled brats who get everything they want?" in my opinion, memories are priceless.
mixinvixen,
I agree with you, you should celebrate you child's accomplishments, milestones, etc. I don't have any children of my own but I try to do special things for my 4 nephews and 1 niece. Things they would not get when I was their age due to their parents finacial situation. (e.g. parties, zoo outings, six flags, stuff like that)
I think people (myself included) are more talking about the "BRATS" of the world (we know who they are). We all should celebrate our children and make them feel special, but I think some of these 'MTV sweet 16" kids are spoiled and think they are entitled to the same level of luxury as their parents.
Me personally, I would not give a child something (luxury item), that I do not have or would not buy for myself.
I think we all should treat our children special, but also teach them that the "real world" will not always be so kind.
you said it exactly the way i wanted, but didn't quite accomplish!! 
i think that a child is only that particular age once, and deserves to ride a pony if they love horses, but do they deserve a luxury car...not really! does a 3 yr old deserve a $500 party at the beauty salon where all the other 3 year olds at the party gets their hair and makeup done...heck no!! (that is rather popular in our town!) my husband is notoriously frugal, and found fault with me last year when i went into party city and spent $75 on blue clues decorations...that's the kind of thing that gets my blood up quick!!! it's a party, for gosh sake!!
this is also the same person who griped in the first of our marriage when i bought tons of halloween candy and was making up little goody bags...he said all that he ever got was a miniature candy bar from each house...goodness gracious, that was in a small town in the 70's...i hope we've come a ways since then!!!
i am morbidly fascinated by that sweet 16 show...it's like a car wreck where i cover my eyes, yet can't turn away from it! who in their right mind allows their child to even act that way for one day, let alone their entire lives???
My first reaction to this was: What the heck is wrong with this mother??!!!!
My twins turned 16 this last July and we threw them a really nice party, and I made them a really big cake...in my pics(the waterfall one). We even provided the food for the event. Not to mention the decorations...
Our own money!!! Not someone elses....why should someone else pay for my kids party!!???
And do they really need a big do up with limos and dj's? If you can't afford to do it yourself, then you shouldn't do it at all!! That's just tacky, and rude, and altogether ridiculous!!
And 150 guests???!!! OMG......get really folks! Who's the parent here anyways????
We did our twins' party at our house, in our own yard and home, and everyone had a great time!! The kids couldn't have been happier, and we didn't even ask for gifts, but most brought them anyways(mainly candy! LOL). We started in February to plan and purchase a peice at a time the decorations and things and hiding them away till the big day. I think we spend about $300.00 on the decorations, and I probably had about that much into the cake. Not including the sugar flowers I hand sculpted for it. But that I did for the Love....
Parents like that give the rest of us a bad name....and apparently have been watching way too much MTV!!! (this is a reference to their show "My Sweet Sixteen Party", I happened to watch one night when I couldn't sleep last week)
I'm glad you didn't do the cake for it....
That's very common in my Wife's culture. My children have mulitple "God Parents" and of course they have us, my Mom, my Sister, my Wife's Parents, etc.
When it comes to large parties (special parties...not just every single one), the God Parents, Parents, Grandparents, etc. come together to fund the party.
For instance, my Daughter's 1st Birthday was on 9/19. My Mother in Law paid for the food, My Brother in Law lent us all of his tables and chairs (we throw large parties often) and ice chests, etc. He also bought all the drinks. My other Brother in Law paid for the bouncer. We bought all the decorations and I, of course, made her cake. My Sister paid for a "Candy Bar" which is becoming quite popular these days (instead of a pinata). My Wife's Cousin (my Daughter's Godmother) paid for the Clown. Etc, etc.
Of course, no one who helped throw the party is expected to give any additional gifts or anything. Their contribution to the party is plenty. And believe me, when you throw weekly parties that have a minimum of 150 guests, to have 10 people come together to fund the party isn't a big deal.
But like I said, it's not common amongst most folks. I'm a white guy. I'm Wife is Filipina. I was quite taken aback the first time I was included in the planning of some of these parties. I'm used to the "white people" parties of hot dogs, hamburgers, a cake, some games, the party starts at 2pm and ends promptly at 5pm with a goodie bag for each kid on the way out!!!
It took a few years to get used to starting a party at 2pm, no one shows up until 5pm, everyone is there by 5:30pm and the party doesn't end until 2am, or later if the guys wanna stay and play cards until the wee hours of the morning!
Again...very common in my family. Not so common elsewhere.
I kept reading what everyone is replying.....One thing that also amazes me is A: They always - always try to make you feel guilty
B: They always want a free cake
C: They always tell you, "were family, or friends of family, etc" and the almighty favorite: "it is expected of you to do the cake", or "you owe it to family"
and D: If you decline on doing the cake, then they are very quick to jump in and say: "well, your cakes taste like yuk anyway".
Then I always love to come back with: "then WHY do you keep ordering cakes from me?"
I remember back in the day when it was simply cake and ice cream, pin tail on donkey.. when I see these shows for those turning 16, sshheesshh!!
I just saw one last week and the child said to her parents, "I want to go to England". They showed the child getting a $3500.00 dress for her party, a $5000.00 dog, and the child treated her friends like dirt. The mother of the child said to her, "you can't even keep your room clean, what makes you think we're going to send you to England".
Then the child said to the camera, she will keep "harping and pushing" until she gets what she wants. What she needs a good dose of human reality and responsibility..........
I just get so darn mad 
when every time someone always expects a free cake!
I'm used to the "white people" parties of hot dogs, hamburgers, a cake, some games, the party starts at 2pm and ends promptly at 5pm with a goodie bag for each kid on the way out!!!
So THAT is what they are called???
(You are killing me over here)
I'm glad you held your ground, people like that need a wake up call but unfortantely it won't come. My dd's are having a joint party (we're military and finally moving home! We took a slight detour when hubby first got out, but we're going back now). I'm already thinking I'm crazy for having 2 classes and all of our family and friends, It's looking to be about 40 classmates (up there the WHOLE class comes), and another 20 kids & another 20-30 adults. I'd never ask for money donations! If I couldnt afford it, I'd never have chosen to invite all those people.
For my birthday in December, I'm doing a taco night, and my best friend and another friend voluntered to help come set up and help cook, very sweet of them, but not expected. I'd never say that oh bring this or that or you cant come.
That's very common in my Wife's culture. My children have mulitple "God Parents" and of course they have us, my Mom, my Sister, my Wife's Parents, etc.
When it comes to large parties (special parties...not just every single one), the God Parents, Parents, Grandparents, etc. come together to fund the party.
For instance, my Daughter's 1st Birthday was on 9/19. My Mother in Law paid for the food, My Brother in Law lent us all of his tables and chairs (we throw large parties often) and ice chests, etc. He also bought all the drinks. My other Brother in Law paid for the bouncer. We bought all the decorations and I, of course, made her cake. My Sister paid for a "Candy Bar" which is becoming quite popular these days (instead of a pinata). My Wife's Cousin (my Daughter's Godmother) paid for the Clown. Etc, etc.
Of course, no one who helped throw the party is expected to give any additional gifts or anything. Their contribution to the party is plenty. And believe me, when you throw weekly parties that have a minimum of 150 guests, to have 10 people come together to fund the party isn't a big deal.
But like I said, it's not common amongst most folks. I'm a white guy. I'm Wife is Filipina. I was quite taken aback the first time I was included in the planning of some of these parties. I'm used to the "white people" parties of hot dogs, hamburgers, a cake, some games, the party starts at 2pm and ends promptly at 5pm with a goodie bag for each kid on the way out!!!
It took a few years to get used to starting a party at 2pm, no one shows up until 5pm, everyone is there by 5:30pm and the party doesn't end until 2am, or later if the guys wanna stay and play cards until the wee hours of the morning!
Again...very common in my family. Not so common elsewhere.
ROb,
I am Filipina and my husband is white, blond and blue eyes. I understand what you are saying, but we do not practice "contribution" parties in my family. We all grew up in the Philippines, and I cannot remember that we ever did something like this. I'm not saying it's bad, but some people who come from the same culture do not necessarily practice the same things. When I throw a party I forbid people to "contribute" anything.. To me, it's my party, therefore it's my responsibility and expense. When I had my son's Baptism(5 months old), it felt like I was putting together a wedding reception. I spent over $3,000.00 of my own money. Flowers, cake, reception food and musician. I love throwing parties. Every year I throw a nice Christmas Party and I always hire a Harpist. I know some Islanders do this type of parties also. Just my opnion and input..
On this topic of greedy ungrateful people it is not always just the mothers or the daughters. Boys can be horrible too. And not just about a party. This letter was published a couple of weeks ago in an advice column of our local paper. Her reply was (pardon the expression) "right on the money"...The column heading was "Ungrateful Child":
DEAR CAROLYN: I am leaving home for college soon. My parents will pay my tuition. I want them to know I appreciate it, but I am not sure how to tell them. My parents are hella annoying. I can barely stand to be around them. And I donât want to encourage any kind of communication between us. I just want them to know that I know itâs a sacrifice for them and I am grateful. â Glad to Be Leaving
DEAR READER: âHella annoyingâ is a bit nonspecific. Can you cite anything that you feel justifies estrangement ? Thanks.
DEAR CAROLYN: They are nosy. They question me about everything I want to do and who I go with and what will I eat and on and on. If my friends come over, they try to talk to them and it is so embarrassing, what they say. They try to give me advice and they donât know what they are talking about. Really I think they have no life, so they are overly interested in mine. If I donât do what they want, they remind me that they give me money. â Really Glad to Be Leaving
DEAR READER: Youâre glad to be leaving. Check. Youâre also withholding information on your whereabouts and companions; avoiding your parents; ashamed of them; certain that, at presumably less than half their age, you know more about life than they do; nevertheless accepting their food, shelter and cash; and youâre quite certain these qualities make you the best thing in their lives. âHella-annoying,â I believe, is the going term for this. So maybe theyâre footing the bill in hopes that you receive an education in cause and effect. Parents ask questions because they like to know their own children. And when that proves to be a dead end, they ask because theyâd at least like to know where their money is going.
Are yours going about it the best way ? Apparently not. Could this be why you find them unbearable ? Sure. A kid who finds parents annoying is hardly breaking new ground.
But taking their tuition money without deigning to converse with them ? Wow. For my readers considering children, youâre a case for birth control. Please revisit for a moment your objections to your parents: Is there malice ? Neglect ? Abuse ? Self-absorption, even ?
No. Theyâre guilty of giving a damn about you, albeit possibly in a cringe-inducing, oxygen-depleting fashion. Even if theyâre downright bizarre, though, the best way for you to show that you arenât an ingrate is to find some bearable way to give a damn about them in return.
You can do that while still setting copious limits: You can ask them about themselves. You can offer basic information without making them pry it out of you first. You can introduce them to your friends, knowing that if your friends think less of you, thatâs your friendsâ fault, not your parentsâ; itâs your gene pool, after all, so you might as well own it. An effort to know your parents, and to use that knowledge to build a functioning relationship with them, is never wasted. If you canât find even some small way to appreciate them as people, then you have no business using their money as getaway cash. Get loans, get a job, get a soul. "
Sadly, I think too many young people have a feeling of entitlement these days. And I shudder to think what their children will be like.
Maisie Parrish from England will be going to Canada in June'09 . Would you like to attende one of her workshops???
[img]www.piskypixie.net[/img]
Maisie Parrish from England will be going to Canada in June'09 . Would you like to attende one of her workshops???
[img]www.piskypixie.net[/img]
wrong thread, dear?
On this topic of greedy ungrateful people it is not always just the mothers or the daughters. Boys can be horrible too. And not just about a party. This letter was published a couple of weeks ago in an advice column of our local paper. Her reply was (pardon the expression) "right on the money"...The column heading was "Ungrateful Child":
DEAR CAROLYN: I am leaving home for college soon. My parents will pay my tuition. I want them to know I appreciate it, but I am not sure how to tell them. My parents are hella annoying. I can barely stand to be around them. And I donât want to encourage any kind of communication between us. I just want them to know that I know itâs a sacrifice for them and I am grateful. â Glad to Be Leaving
DEAR READER: âHella annoyingâ is a bit nonspecific. Can you cite anything that you feel justifies estrangement ? Thanks.
DEAR CAROLYN: They are nosy. They question me about everything I want to do and who I go with and what will I eat and on and on. If my friends come over, they try to talk to them and it is so embarrassing, what they say. They try to give me advice and they donât know what they are talking about. Really I think they have no life, so they are overly interested in mine. If I donât do what they want, they remind me that they give me money. â Really Glad to Be Leaving
DEAR READER: Youâre glad to be leaving. Check. Youâre also withholding information on your whereabouts and companions; avoiding your parents; ashamed of them; certain that, at presumably less than half their age, you know more about life than they do; nevertheless accepting their food, shelter and cash; and youâre quite certain these qualities make you the best thing in their lives. âHella-annoying,â I believe, is the going term for this. So maybe theyâre footing the bill in hopes that you receive an education in cause and effect. Parents ask questions because they like to know their own children. And when that proves to be a dead end, they ask because theyâd at least like to know where their money is going.
Are yours going about it the best way ? Apparently not. Could this be why you find them unbearable ? Sure. A kid who finds parents annoying is hardly breaking new ground.
But taking their tuition money without deigning to converse with them ? Wow. For my readers considering children, youâre a case for birth control. Please revisit for a moment your objections to your parents: Is there malice ? Neglect ? Abuse ? Self-absorption, even ?
No. Theyâre guilty of giving a damn about you, albeit possibly in a cringe-inducing, oxygen-depleting fashion. Even if theyâre downright bizarre, though, the best way for you to show that you arenât an ingrate is to find some bearable way to give a damn about them in return.
You can do that while still setting copious limits: You can ask them about themselves. You can offer basic information without making them pry it out of you first. You can introduce them to your friends, knowing that if your friends think less of you, thatâs your friendsâ fault, not your parentsâ; itâs your gene pool, after all, so you might as well own it. An effort to know your parents, and to use that knowledge to build a functioning relationship with them, is never wasted. If you canât find even some small way to appreciate them as people, then you have no business using their money as getaway cash. Get loans, get a job, get a soul. "
Sadly, I think too many young people have a feeling of entitlement these days. And I shudder to think what their children will be like.
Hmm... I don't know I sort of thought the columnist was a little bit harsh with the young lady. I am 31 and I distinctly remember about 10-12 years ago, feeling like my parents were from another planet. I just couldnt relate to them and got really annoyed when they wanted to know where I was, where I was going, etc...
Its hard. She probably loves and cares for her parents and knows DEEP down that they only ask because they care. She just sees them in the wrong light. Teenagers often have this profound need for autonomy, getting away, learning who they are and parents seem like they are in the way to accomplishing this! I bloomed my first year in college and felt like she did. I wanted to thank my parents for the college tuition and support and I have done so over the last 10-12 years by making them proud of who I have become and so forth.
Anyway, I don't think we should be too harsh on teenagers who ask for a way to tell their parents they appreciate them. Even if they call them "hella annoying" <--its the teenager in them saying "they don't understand me". The sweet 16 twin case is entirely different as is that Super Sweet 16 show where those are REALLY rotten teenagers.
The writer was an 18 year old BOY. I disagree that the columnist was harsh. But I respect your right to your opinion. And as I have a 20 year old son who behaved much in the same way, I can tell you that boys and girls are VERY different in their emotional behavior. I can appreciate a young person's desire/need to be independent. I was 18 once as well. But if I had behaved the way this young man did in his letter, or the way my son had, my mother would have "set me free" to pay for it on my own.
My own son received an amazing scholarship from a prestigious private college. Our half after the scholarship was $16,000 per year. We told him he could only accept and go there if he kept his grades up and met all the requirements for the scholarship/college. He promised he would. He was on academic probation by the end of his first semester and was asked to vacate the premises in mid-April of spring semester, because he stopped going to class in February. He lied to us often during that year, or at least omitted a lot of facts. And with the privacy rules, the school was not required to give us any info even tho we were paying for it. After we got him moved home, my son said "I think I should go back in the fall without the scholarship and you and dad can pay for the whole thing, because being at college will be cheaper for you than if I stayed home." He had some weird warped idea that food/shelter for him would be more than $32,000 per year at home. I am at a loss where he got that idea.
We now call that year his year of summer camp. And if he goes to college again, he will pay for it himself.
Oh, and his attitude has improved somewhat now that he works full time as a sales clerk in an electronics store.
Hey SugarFrosted,
Thanks for sharing your story. Yes, this is definitely a different perspective. I appreciate hearing it coming from the parent of a boy, rath er than my experiences as a girl, plus, I have a 1 1/2 yr old boy. I wonder if I will be going through this in about 16 years!!!!
Anyway, thanks for the perspective! Now I know what the phrase Teen Angst means!!
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