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Am I being unreasonable - Page 3  

post #31 of 73
Sticking up for the husband, I say decorate the cake and be happy that your making your husband happy!

Now, I gotta say this quick as I can hear a sea of cake decorating women walking up to my house with pitchforks, torches, and buttercream frosting. thumbs_up.gif

Seriously, how often does he ask you to decorate a cake? If it's a once-in-a-while thing, I say do it. If he asks you once a month, then I'd charge him. I would make him clean up after you either way.

Joe
post #32 of 73
Well, the theme seems to be let the dh offer up a free cake and you bail him out. Okay, if he knows how to bake, let him. If he wants it decorated, teach him. You then can show him how much work it is and that your time is worth something. If the cake comes out decent the he will be happy and take credit, if it looks bad you can have a small back up cake that you are working on the side while teaching him. I to would be upset if I had my services advertised and my dh was giving away my service. My dh would never offer a cake without asking me first, he knows that he would have to help. What if you had another cake orderd for the same time? It would be a nice thing to bail him out, but he has to understand that you are not going to keep bailing him out. I'm sure he has done things for you and that's great and maybe it's his way of bragging on you, but why not ask first. You just have to figure out what you are willing to do to keep the peace. I'm sure if this is the first time he has done this, he has learned his lesson. Make it a positive experience for the both of you. Have fun laughing at how he tries to imitate your methods of decorating. If he sits down or takes a break, you sit down and take a break, he'll get the message that it's both of you or just him. That's my 2 cents worth. I'm sure others won't agree. Pick your battles carefully and try to make it a learning experience for him.
Believe in yourself so that you can be the best.
Believe in yourself so that you can be the best.
post #33 of 73
Now, I'll probably get flamed, but uh uh, no way, you are right on not making it! Is he your husband? Yes. Is he also an adult? Yep. If it were for him personally, or he asked first, of course you would do it. However, HE took the responsibility, so it is HIS responsibility to fulfill. You married him, and take care of him, but this is different. Even if he said "my wife can make it" it would be different. As far as your reputation, they will KNOW it isn't your cake, plus you work there and can stop by to see how HIS cake went over. You already said he isn't helpless in the kitchen. He can figure out or ask how to do the decorating part, and you can teach him beginner lessons. But DONT DO THIS CAKE!
post #34 of 73
Someone said "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?"
Well I'll tell you if I made that cake nobody is gonna be happy.
Tommy's favorite song? Roll roll roll your goat
Tommy's favorite song? Roll roll roll your goat
post #35 of 73
I thought the husband was just asking for help in decorating the cake...
post #36 of 73
Thread Starter 
I don't want actual money from him. He has asked me to do a christmas cake for his department but the difference is he asked me first. He offered to pay but i said if he just bought the ingreediants I'd do it.

with this birthday cake he didn't ask me cos he knows I would have said no I don't do free cakes for work.(that applies to my department as well as his). He volunteered to do it so I think thats what he should do. I know if I start helping him he just leave the full thing to me and won't do anything.

I thought offering to let him watch me do a cake would give him a good idea of what he needs to do. He knew when I was doing the cake (10.30 the following morning). He agreed that was a good idea but then when he didn't come downstairs the following morning I went up about 11 cos I really couldn't wait any longer and was told he felt tired so wasn't getting up.

If he had watched me and then tried to do ice his cake and couldn't manage then I would step in and help but at the moment my attitude is you volunteered not me. you won't make an effort to help yourself so why should I do it for you. you volunteered you deliver. If it's not as good as mine well what do you expect I did the training which took time, money and effort.

My time is precious so why should I use it bailing you out when you're obviously not willing to help yourself.
post #37 of 73
I had my hubby read this thread and he said yours "should stew in his own juice"... icon_lol.gif
Tommy's favorite song? Roll roll roll your goat
Tommy's favorite song? Roll roll roll your goat
post #38 of 73
Ok here is my 2 cents. First off my hubby would never say he would make a cake for someone. Cause that is to FUNNY icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif He burns everything. He doesn't even tell me to bake for him.
I on the other hand have friends or family that always need a mans help(single moms with no money) Usually car related to help out. He always helps and they always buy him some beer or something for helping them out. ALOT CHEAPER than taking to mechanic who wants alot of money that they can't pay. My DH is a softy and helps out.
I always try to make my DH feel special as he does me. YA he can be a big pain at times. But we have each others back. If I need something he is there. If he needs something I am always ahead of the game. I usually know what he needs before he does. icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
I can't tell you what to do because it would NEVER happen to me. All I can say is I would help my hubby in any way. And he would be so greatful he would do whatever I needed him to do. Just my 2 cents.
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post #39 of 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zmama

Is he also an adult? Yep.



Oh, come on, Zmama....who ever heard of a husband actually being an adult? icon_biggrin.gif

Just kidding...

I'm amused by the responses...totally different sides of the spectrum...shows how different everyone is, and nobody is right or wrong.

I guess, only you know what your relationship is like to know whether you are being unreasonable or not. In my house, yes, I would consider myself unreasonable....
post #40 of 73
Stick to your guns - let him learn the hard way icon_twisted.gif
AKA: bonjovibabe
AKA: bonjovibabe
post #41 of 73
I think it really depends on past history. If my husband needs to take a dish...or cake...to work, he asks me ahead of time if I would have time to make it. He doesn't know the first thing about cooking. He would NEVER volunteer me to do something without asking first, nor would I volunteer him. If he "knows you don't do free cakes for work", then he's trying to manipulate you into doing it anyway. That's the decision you have to make.
Proud Mom of an Army Soldier...now serving in Iraq.

"We sleep soundly in our beds because rough men (and women) stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm." - H.G. Wells
Proud Mom of an Army Soldier...now serving in Iraq.

"We sleep soundly in our beds because rough men (and women) stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm." - H.G. Wells
post #42 of 73
Well, he should have got your okay before offering but I think you should help him.

Marriage is a partnership, therefore I think you are obligated but you need to stress the point to him that your time is limited and he really needs to always check with you first, just out of common courtesy.

In my marriage, I do A LOT for my husband. I'm talking I cater to his every need and desire! Yes, that is what I said. I feel that that's the way it's supposed to be. BUT in return, if I need something or want something my husband will work the overtime, sell something of his, or whatever it takes to get me what I want or need. We're a team like that.

I hope you two work it out and learn how not to step on eachother's toes. lol
Cindy
Cindy
post #43 of 73
Well, I dunno. My husband volunteers me for cakes in the indirect way, dropping hints like ''There's a potluck at work and...'' On Wednesday, he told me he needed a cake or cookies to take today. So, I agreed. I agree because I stay at home with the kids and I can bake a cake and decorate it in the evenings. In return, I volunteered him to go help move my grandmother's furniture.

I don't mind doing stuff for him, sometimes it's a pain and I don't want to... But I know that in the end, he's my cheer leader. He helps out with dishes and child rearing when I'm busy. He lets me sleep in on the weekends, and we share all the money.

As long as he appreciates my efforts, then I'll do it. It really has to be a give-and-take relationship.

Make the cake. Teach him some decorating techniques. Ask him for help with cleanup. And enjoy the time you have together. Rather than let this cause a problem, let it turn into quality time.
post #44 of 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by cinderspritzer


enjoy the time you have together. Rather than let this cause a problem, let it turn into quality time.



I loved this line icon_smile.gif
post #45 of 73
What did you decide to do?
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