indi, just what have you been teaching your DD

You all are so funny!!!

My sisters used to scare me every time I came out of the bathroom-they would be there, jump out and say BOO! It made me scream every time. Even now, my husband will come in the room and not even intending to scare me, I will jump and say, "You scared me!"

On the farting-I thought NO ONE farted in public or even let anyone hear them-even in their own house. Growing up we never let anybody "hear" us. Anyway, it was a real surprise when me and my husband got married and living with each other-he would ALWAYS let one rip and I was surprised that anyone would do that!! Well, he hasn't stopped yet!
Now, my DS is starting to let 'em rip (he's 4 years old) and I tell him he is as bad as his Daddy-just joking with him. When he does toot-I always say, "Oooo, Hunter tooted!" He just laughs.

Also, my DS likes to pee outside-as long as it's not too cold. I will go outside and see a big puddle on the carport and tell him to pee in the grass. One day, we were at my mother's house with my sister's kids there, too, and Mom says, "Look! Dillon and Hunter are outside peeing at the same time!" We go outside and see that they peed on an ant bed and stirred all of the ants up! We all laughed!!

Where would we be without our kids?

Oh-almost forgot-a couple of weeks ago, we had revival in our church. My sister was there with her kids and her daughter-Kalie-is the one who has to be center of attention all of the time-she is the "bad" one of all 4. Anyway, the preacher got to talking about the movie "Bambi" and said that Thumper's Mom always told him, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Well, the whole church is quiet and right after he said that line, Kalie says, "Don't say anything at all." Everybody starts laughing and the preacher says, "Amen!" We all loved that one!!

You guys are cracking me up. Okay, I have no kids but here's a few from the family.

One day I came home from school (kindergarten) and told my mom the teacher had used the "s-word!" Turns out, I thought the s-word was shut up! My mom stills laughs at me for that.

And another one on me...I was probably 9 and was getting done with Thanksgiving dinner. I proceeded to get up and go outside to run around the house a few times so I could eat more. Hey, that's what my aunt said to do. My aunt also told me when I was around 5 that if I ate the crust on my bread hair would grow on my toes. I proceeded to tell her I didn't want hair on my toes.

Although I think the best story is on my cousin. When he was young, he had nose bleeds all the time. Well, his family was driving down to grandmas when he got another nose bleed so they pulled over. While they were trying to get it stop, a cop pulled over to see if everything was okay. One look at the bloody tissues on the dashboard and his bloody nose, the cop asked my cousin if he was ok. He promptly, said, no, my dad hit me! They finally got it straightened out but oh, what trouble he was in.

So my little niece LOVES me, she was about 1 yr. old at the time...I was in the bathroom...she always pounded on the door while I was in there and yelled "RARAGH!!! RARAGH!!!" ( She couldnt pronounce Sarah...) Anyway, the bathroom door didnt latch well, so I was really nervous...my sister's MIL and her teenage son were visiting. Well, lets say she finally banged the door hard enough, at the worst timing, and there with the door wide open, were four BIG eyes!! Oh.....

Another thing about my niece, she's almost 4 yrs now...She was drawing me a picture the other day, and wanted to write my name on it. she asked "What's your name?" I responded "Sarah"...she looks at me with this look like- I know you're teasing me!! She says, "What is your REAL name" I said, "Sarah!" She gives me a look and says, "NUH UH!!! YOUR NAME IS RARAGH!!!" I said" Oh yeah, I forgot!!" LOL... too funny!

So, my older sister, when we were really young...grew up in a small town ( a hick town) in wisconsin...she had never seen someone with any skin color other than white. So my parents and us kids went on a road trip...we stopped at a toll booth. The attendent had dark skin. My sister's eyes got huge, and she said really loud, "DADDY!!! HOW DID THAT LADY GET SO BURNT???" My dad was SOOOO embarassed!! Thankfully the lady thought it was funny and started cracking up!!

And I got a good chance to embarass my dad as well.. we were walking into the grocery store together, and there was a lady walking infront of us... I said real loud "DAD!! That lady has a BIG butt!!" Hey- it probably looked big when you're looking up at it!! LOL...the lady turned glared at me, and gave my dad a look like she wanted to kill him. I'm sure my dad gave the same look to me!!

oh I don't have kids yet, but I am a nanny and my child is asleep and I am having to bite my tounge from laughing so hard!!! This is fantastic!!!! As much as we all love cakes this is good to talk about something else!!! OH and FYI you are all great mothers, including the scary ones, that sounds like something I would do!! HEHEHEHEHE

Had to get in on this! When my ds was about 15 months, we went to the baptism of a friend's child. I'm a little apprehensive because my son has never been in a church before (we're Jewish). So during the service, ds lets out a rather loud toot. I lean over and ask him "what do you say after that?" And very loudly he says "STINKY!!!" Even the priest laughed!

frostingfairy, when we baptised my eldest daughter, my (first) husband's family had never been in a Catholic church. His sister's son was about 7 and a very very smart kid ... watched a lot of CNN .... and when our elderly white haired priest came out in his white robes, he proclaimed, "Look! It's Pope JOhn Paul!"

These really brightened up my day.

My ds, who is now 24, has always been a smart-mouth. When he was in 5th grade, he made his teacher cry he was teasing her so bad. Now my granddaughter just entered kindergarten and you guessed it, this woman is her teacher & my son had to take her to school one day. Teacher to my son "hello stranger" and my son to my granddaughter, "be good, don't make your teacher cry!"

Now this is my style.... Our family is anally fixated. Love our farts.

We are forever doing fart noises and at red lights we (my DD and I ) make fart noises with our hands and arms to see who can make the best one.

Anyway, funny story. My DD was in pre-school and the children were asked if their mums had a nice mothers day and tell us all what nice things mum got.

What did you get your mum, Amelia?

Well my dad got my mum some "Golden Nipples"

I went to pick her up in the afternoon and was quizzed about my golden nipples.

before you say something - I had rec'd a NIGHTIE with GOLD EMBROIDERY on the bodice!!

I have no idea where she came up with the notion of golden nipples - we certainly didn't say anything like that

oh, my maria.
Not exactly what one expects to hear to the question "how way your day at school?"



Yep, dh made be f@rt funny. It only took about a year.
He'd toot, laugh cause it tickled and I'd give him THAT LOOK!

I'm over it.
Now a toot is followed by one of the following:
"did you see that duck?"
"That's my boy."
"Dad has skills."
"Showoff."
"oh, nice"
"Now that I have your attention...."
"you gonna be alright or do you need a minute?"
"And what is your last name?"

A recent one came from my son who was studying chemistry at the time.
He was naming the seven types of mixtures...solid mixed with solid, solid mixed with liquid, etc.

Dh was standing on a cabinet replacing a light bulb in the library. Dh allows a trouser spider to escape....loudly.

Ds yells out, "hey, was that gas with liquid or gas with solid!"

Dh had to climb down, he was laughing so hard.



mommachris

Aww that's evil

I actually have a couple of books called "who farted" and they are just B & W pictures from Old Old movies where there is scene from the movie and you ask yourself " who Farted" - very funny.

My fav is the picture of the inside of a church and there is one guy only sitting in the pews. That is PEWS, like church chairs.

You guys are so funny!!!
My friend's son is three years old and a total disaster! He looks really innocent and is very honest about everything he does.
One night he proudly tells his mother that he had put chewinggum around a DVD and put it into the DVD player and pushed play. You can all imagine her response to that and tells her son to talk to his dad about the punishment. Dad is really cool and explains very pedagogical that the son of course cannot put chewinggum in the DVD player. DS responses (also very proudly) I have put some cheese in there too!
Should you laugh or cry!?

These are hilarious! I just thought of one. We were visiting my parents and my son and daugther were goofing around playing and tickling. (age 6 and 4) My daugther accidentally gets a kick to the groin (not very hard) and she grabs herself and says "oh! My balls!"

I thought my mother was going to die laughing. Then we had to explain that she didn't have those particular parts, LOL.

My son (who turns five on Tuesday!) has always had a problem with the letter s. Sometimes we really can't understand what he is saying. But he is so darn cute. It's worse now because he lost a tooth in a trampoline accident recently.

Even when he was little he would see a no smoking sign and would know what it meant. But he would always say it "Look Mamma, no mokin! No mokin!"

(we don't moke at our house btw)

When my oldest was 3, he was out to breakfast with my mother and I. The hostess seated a couple of older women in the same area as us. One of the older women had her hair teased, bright makeup, you know the blush streaks, eyebrows arched and penciled dark, bright lipstick....
all of a sudden my 3 yr old is standing on the booth Yelling (and pointing) " look at the clown, look at the clown" If only I could have crawled under the booth

when oldest DS was about 4 MIL and I were out shopping. Well we all got hungry and decided to go eat at our local Shoney's. They seat the 3 of us in the center of the room, of course. We had just ordered when DS sees this lady walking toward us. He stands up and hollers..."Look mama she's so FAAATT."

Needless to say canceled order and never took DS again.

My dad has always been a jokester. For example, when I was little he would take me and my friends to carowinds or six flags, and just when the roller coaster was about to leave, he would point to my friend and say to the guy working there "she likes you" and then the ride will take off. (He never did it to me because I would go along with it.) He's not as bad as he used to be.

So last night he took me, my sister, and my boyfriend to applebees. Me and my sister always argue and play jokes with each other. Everytime she would say something, I would say something random that almost had something to do with the sentence. For example, she said "my mouth is on fire" and I said "you know what else is on fire ... a candle." Not to be funny, just to get on her nerves. Later she said "I want to say..." I can't remember what she wanted to say, but I said "You know what I want to say?" and then I said "hii-yah" and kicked her under the table. She had drink in her mouth and she spit it all over me and the table. It was in slow motion. Neither of us could stop laughing. My dad and boyfriend didn't think it was that funny, but I guess you just had to be us to see it.

I have taught this to every child in my family, and extended family. It is expected - like my reading The Night Before Christmas.

First I teach them to say,

"Make me a hot dog!"

Then I say,

"Poof - you're a hot dog!"

Then -

I keep teaching them until they want to do it to me. And the best part about that is, because they think they are doing something magical -

They run up to everyone they meet for weeks, saying "Poof, you're a hot dog!" It makes for great fun when they tell me how their kids are doing this to people in the supermarket, at church, etc. Well, at least it's funny to me.

Theresa

My dd came fome from school the other day. I looked at her homework folder and found her science test in it. She is in 2nd grade. The test was named: my growing body.

Her answers in the whole test were hilariously wrong, and the one that got me rolling on the floor laughing follows:

Write the word that best answers the riddle:

I am made up of many small bones.
I help you sit, stand and move.
I am also called a backbone.

I am your______________________NERVE!!!!

She has been TAG-ed since kindergarten and this was something that I did not see coming. Just hilarious.

I did the poof your a.........? but I've done that since I was in Highschool. Or when some one was bugging me it was poof begone.

My son is very interested in how things work. Anywhere we go we have to go looking for him because he is checking something out that caught his eye. One day my phone rings as I answer it as I am telling my son"No Andrew you can't take apart the TV." all I hear on the other line is uncontrolable laughing.
He is the type that brings me screws, out of no where. "UM Andy where did you get these?" "weeelllll, These are from the back of the TV (we had an old one we were throwing away). These are from that toy. And I can't remember where I got these from."

No Andy you can't fly. Andy you can't cut through the vaccume cord just to see if you can, especially if it's plugged in. No Andy that is not ours you don't have to figure it out. ANDREW put the screw driver down.

My DH and I both were like this so we are just screwed. No pun intended.

My oldest daughter on the other hand. I swear she has split personalities. One minute she'll be all Drama Drama Drama. The next minute she is standing on the top of my step ladder in her underwear (less than 5 minutes before the bus) acting like a Monkey......With the arms swinging over her head, and the ohohohahahahohohohahah!

Couple more from me: Going shopping with my dd when she was about 2, very verbal and still nursing. While we're shopping, she keeps playing with my shirt and I keep telling her to stop until it becomes a game. So there we are at the checkout line, young 16 year old pimply faced boy cashier, he's ignoring dd, who won't stand for that. She starts off with a loud "HI", then "what's your name" then "Mommy has nipples!" I almost died and I've never seen a kid turn that red before!

Overheard by my step-mom, a fourth grade teacher:

Boy to girl: You're a jerk-off!

Girl to Boy: I CAN"T be!!!

ok this is really gross, but my 3 yr old and i love being incredibly stupid. she has a speech delay, so i'm usually pretty safe because she won't go telling on us out in public, but then there was this one time....

one day, for some insane reason on my part, i poked at my little one when she was bending over picking something off the floor. i poked her in the middle of her booty, and said "checkin oil"....i know i know, i'm strange. she laughed and thought it was the funniest thing, like i was tickling her or something. well, a few days later, we're out in the store, i bend over, and you guessed it..."checkin oil" plain as day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh I just rememered a great one!

Once when my daugther was 3 1/2 and my son was 1 we were eating lunch at a nice mexican restuarant. The owner came over and started talking to us. He asked my dd if she liked having a baby brother. She says yes....then pauses and says ...he has a peanut.

The owner looks confuses. He says what? She thinks about it for a minute and say's "he has a penis!"

I about died but it gets worse. The owner has kids of is own and very seriously manages to say "yes he does".


Then she says "and so does Daddy!"
LOL. That's when we both lost it, LOL. I laughed so hard I couldnt help it.

When my son was about 2 he very loudly pointed out a lady in a store that had a dog on her head. This kids voice can be heard everywhere he goes. He said it about three or four times before I could get him where he couldn't see her anymore. This lady was about 80 lots of make up fancy clothes with a fur hat. She unfortunately didn't seem to be amused by the look she gave me.

I have three sisters that are more than 12 years younger than me. Once, as I was driving them to rent a movie, the then 6-year old looked out the back window of the car while we were at a stoplight. Looking at the car behind us, she shouted, "Eeeewww! That man has a potty-chair air freshener!" I had no idea what she was talking about until I turned around and saw that the man behind us had a handicapped placard hanging from his rearview mirror. It really does *kinda* look like someone sitting on the toilet after you think about it, and I'm sure most of the places she had seen the symbol were on bathroom doors! I almost died trying not to laugh at her an embarrass her, explaining what it really was!