I'm So Mad And The In-Laws Aren't Even Here Yet!! (Long)
Decorating By mconrey Updated 22 Nov 2006 , 3:20am by LukeRubyJoy
Okay - I am preparing Thanksgiving dinner for 22 people. My sister-in-law and her entire family (hubby and 5 kids) are flying in tomorrow. They are staying in a hotel an hour away from us. Now, I love my SIL and we get along really well. However, she recently attended pastry school and is working as a pastry manager at a restaurant where they live. She really wants to "help" with the pies because as she says she "can whip them out in 15 minutes." Well, I'm not professionally trained, but for all the pies I've made, you have to chill the dough, etc..and there is no way a pie is getting prepared in 15 minutes.
So, they arrive tomorrow evening and are coming to our place for dinner. She wants me to wait to even start the pies until she's here. No, okay, but there is no way in He** that we can "whip" out 3 pies starting at 7:00pm tomorrow night. So, I've decided to make the dough tonight, and do 2 of the pies tomorrow. Then when she's here we can finish the last one together, using one of her recipes. Now my hubby is pissed at me because I'm not letting his sister be "involved" in making the pies. Well, okay, but I'M the one cooking for his dang family and everybody else. And I can't do any of it on Wednesday because we're supposed to play "tour guide" while they're here. Am I in the wrong here?? I don't don't want to be without pies on Thanksgiving (or heaven forbid get them at the grocery store) because we never finished them. Sorry about the venting...I'm just stressed and ticked off!
I totally understand your frustration. You want the dinner to be complete and not be in a panic. If you are like me you try to get as much done before Thanksgiving Day so you can also enjoy everyone's company.
Your concern is that if you wait for your SIL, the pies can't be completed late on Tues., and Weds. is out because you're being the tour guide.
Your husband is upset because he wants you to let his sister help.
Well, you could whip up a cheesecake or some other dessert that everyone likes to hold in reserve for Thursday. This would allow you to wait for your SIL, and if the pies aren't getting done in 15 minutues - you're off the hook!
Then pie making takes however long it takes...
It's up to your SIL and husband as to what gives. Stay up late and finish pies, then start site-seeing later the next day..... How to adjust the plans?
I say, let them take some of the load (and the responsibility) for the preparations. You can't be faulted for agreeing to their wishes!
Well if it were me I would be happy to have someone help out. If she says it takes 15 mins to whip up a pie I have a feeling she is really trying to say they are easy and won't take her as long to make it as somone who is not trained like she was.
Hey if they don't get done then you blame her and have a great excuse to not play tour guide on Wed.
I'll probably catch heat for this but:
Well, what I would say is that you are the hostess. You should do what you feel comfortable with. It is your meal to prepare, and theirs to enjoy. If you want to get it done now, you should. Maybe next year they can host the meal and do it however they want.
When someone is a guest in another's house, they typically don't call the shots. They are gracious.
Now I know they aren't staying with you...but a WHOLE HOUR away? What gives with that? Not too convenient IMHO.
If she is upset about that....she should host something where she can show off her pastry magic. This is for you to do. And, it is just a pie. It isn't a wedding cake. What would she do, magic crust? Whatever! And then, why bother waiting for her?
I think you should do it yourself. (Unless I'm missing some family dynamics here). If she doesn't like it...too bad. She should be THANKFUL on THANKSGIVING to have a sister-in-law willing to host 22 people in her home!!
You go girl! I'm sending you strength!!!!!
EDITED to say: She'll probably end up complaining about your sub-standard equipment too (if that is indeed the case) because no person's kitchen is like your own kitchen.
I agree with JanH, but she's right about having the cheesecake in the freezer. (Good idea!) Because i too am almost done with Pastry Chef program, and I have yet to learn what pies she is making in 15 mins. She might be "efficient" at doing them but they aren't going to be made that fast, and you are right, it would put a crimp in your plans.
BUT, by doing it this way, you are the "wonderful" SIL who can put up her feet while the SIL who wants to show off her new skills busts her butt in the kitchen till the wee hours....I just hope she cleans up too!
Good luck, and Happy Thanksgiving!
Bless your heart. You are so stressed. Preparing such a large dinner, cleaning house, playing tour guide....Wow!
Maybe SIL wants to show off, or worse...show you up.
Maybe SIL is trying to offer what she feels is the best she has to offer, which is her new found talent.
Whatever happens, think carefully, which will last longer...family memories or pie?
You have a chance to be the bigger person here.
If there is no pie, then egg will NOT be on your face.
Don't let your husband get so wrapped up in being pissed that he misses what a wonderful job you've done in everything else.
I hope I haven't stepped on toes.
I'm reflecting on my own mistakes in the past.
Anger can cloud clear thinking.
If only I could turn back the clock.....
You know what you should do... make the pies and stick them in the freezer. (Or at least make the crusts, put them in the pan and freeze them, ready to fill.) Then when she gets there, let her make her 15 minute pies. If for any reason she is unable to do it, you say, "Oh, you know, I have some in the freezer... we just have to thaw and bake them!!" As far as she knows, you always keep stuff like that in the freezer.
Sounds like your sister is a little "proud" of her recent accomplishment and wants a chance to show off a little! If you want to get an early start I would do it. You could tell your SIL that you saved a pie to make together (using her fav recipe) but, that you don't want to spend all your time in the kitchen when you could be having a nice visit. That might be the way to explain to your hubby as well. AH! The Holidays are upon us!
I hope your Thanksgiving is a happy one with your family.
Beth from KY.
If your SIL says she can help, then you should let her help and if anything goes wrong it won't be your fault since you were doing what your SIL asked. Like other people told you, you can have a cheesecake so if anyting goes wrong you will save the day!!
Now, nothing against you, but I can see where your sister-in-law is coming from. I did a full Culinary Program...and no one ever let's me cook anything for them. It's frustrating.
That said - if you haven't gotten her a Christmas present yet, try the book "Don't Try This at Home". It's full of hilarious stories from rather well-known people about a major screw up at some point in their professional culinary/pastry careers. I particularly enjoy the one from the chef who broke her sister's food processor at Christmas in front of the whole family after royally insulting her sister's cooking.
Nothing like a bit of "humble pie" to go with those "15 minute" pies your sister-in-law thinks she can whip out - though it might be a good knock to her arrogance to not be able to do it. The only pie I can do like that involves store bought pie crust, and canned filling. Or a frozen Door County one - and even though I did that full Program - I prefer the Door County ones.
To help you get through it though - remember, in the end, it's just a day.
I like the idea of a cheesecake in the freezer, but I'm not into pies--give me a slab of cheesecake any day. Make some crusts up and freeze them, I'm in a culinary program right now---and I know of no 15 minute pie. Let her do her thing and if something happens you have the pie crusts ready and if she can pull it off then she gets to show everyone what she has learned in school. Have to say that the cheesecake is a good idea because it is something different than the tradition thenksgiving dessert and I would make 2 dozen of hummy cake balls too go show them what skills you got girl, you are a good person for letting them all come to your home and do all the work of feeding them too!
I love Melvira's solution, freeze back up pies!
Happy Thanksgiving! The day will fly by so fast, hang in there! Major holidays are so stressful huh?!
Kelly
I'm guessing she probably didn't literally mean 15 minutes.
People often say things like, "Oh, I can whip up such and such in a few seconds." It's just a figure of speech.
Assume the best, and maybe she'll surprise you. If she really is being arrogant and stupid, she will look bad, not you.
Good luck!
Well if you are like me I'm sure wouldn't leave any details to others. if I'm hosting a dinner party or anything at my house I'm the host, and I like to make my guest feel that I make sure everything is taking care of, when someone ask me "what would you like me to bring" I say " yourself" everything is going to be ready, but that's me, I'm a control freak.
i like the idea of doing the crusts ahead of time, then a pie can be whipped together fairly quickly, you might have fun doing the fillings with her, don't let it ruin your thanksgiving day. do you WANT to play tour guide on wednesday, or is this something they wanted? maybe you could adjust that plan a little. how long are they staying? could you do the tour thing the day after?
Ok, I know I'm going on the hot plate with this.
I say make at least one pie. Save the rest of them for her to do. If the pies aren't done; send hubby to play tour guide. When he gives you his look. Smile sweetly & say" Honey I have to finish these 15 minute pies." Smile again.
I'm still working on the not be angry thing. I host most of the time, so I can "choose" or suggest strongly what everyone will bring.
You said that you love your SIL so that tells me that she's not a bad person. I'm sure that she has no other motive than to help you out and to show the family her new skills. As "cake people" I'm sure that we can all relate when it comes to wanting your family to be impressed with your creations. If time permits, I would call her and let her know that you have full confidence in her abilities and that you will leave the pies up to her. After all, you have nothing to prove or fear so just let her have her moment. This will also allow you more time to do the other 10,000 things you have on your plate. By doing this you will show your SIL and your DH that you really are wonderful!
You know what you should do... make the pies and stick them in the freezer. (Or at least make the crusts, put them in the pan and freeze them, ready to fill.) Then when she gets there, let her make her 15 minute pies. If for any reason she is unable to do it, you say, "Oh, you know, I have some in the freezer... we just have to thaw and bake them!!" As far as she knows, you always keep stuff like that in the freezer.
I'm with you on this one, sounds like the easiest way round it to me....
Hope all goes well for you and you get to have a happy and peacful day.
Denise
I don't think your SIL will be as energized as she thinks she will be after the trip. I also find that things take longer than I estimate. I find things go more quickly in a commercial kitchen because you have plenty of counter space, all the ingredients at hand and not a lot of spectators. I'd do the pies and leave one for the two of you to do together and maybe stock ingredients for some others if she finds she has time. You can always share your pies with friends, neighbors, or the local shelter. Tell her you made them in case you ran out of time, but you were thinking of giving them to friends. Let her know you'd love to make pies with her and see how much time you have. That way you have all bases covered and everyone is happy.
I know it might be more than you would want to do right now but have you asked SIL what ingredients she will need for these 15 minute pies? If the list is for scratch pies - 15 min is definately not enough time - gently ask if you can make the crusts or have the filling ready? Otherwise I would agree with the other posts to have something in the freezer as a back-up. Pie is traditional on Thanksgiving but something is better than nothing.
Happy Thanksgiving to all
Rebecca
SS, Co.
Thank you all for your input on this. I don't want to seem like I'm baking the pies "without" her just to spite her, because that's not it at all. And I know she really does just want to help.
But, I'm a control freak and I have never cooked for 22 people before so I'm stressed out too. I just want to get as much done as early as possible so I'm not a wreck.
So, anyway, I am baking 2 pies right now. I'm leaving the 3rd one for when my SIL arrives. She can make the crust her way and we'll use her recipe. That way we still are able to bake together, but I'm not freaking out about what little time we'll have.
Hubby will just have to get over my control issues! We've been married almost 10 years, you think he'd have figured me out by now!
Thanks again to everyone! And I hope you all have a wonderful holiday!!
mconrey,
I'm glad that I'm not the only control freak. My husband is now realizing this, Give him time. I usually prank my husband when he gets mad at me. (ex. Wesson oil on toilet seat, Saran wrap on toilet seat, blue food coloing in tea, painted toe nails.) These are just some of the things I ahve done.
I'm not telling you to do this. A lot of marriages wouldn't last through this. yes, he did retaliate. My undergarments in freezer, raw eggs in my work boots.
He will understand eventually. Don't forget to breathe. Your dinner will be wonderful.
I'm doing Thanksgiving also. I am a control freak also. I'm coming up on my 25th anninversary also. My husband told the kids the other day while cleaning (for Thanksgiving). She is stressed, all I want to hear out of your mouths and mine. Is yes, MOM how far and how high!!!!! She knows how she wants things and it will be much easier and faster if we just get it done. You know the old saying MY HOUSE, MY RULES, MY KITCHEN!!!! lol I have a list and unfortunately I can't seem to stray from that. I can't have kinks thrown in. I'm proud of you for your solution.
LU
I am so glad that I am not the only control freak. My partners father figured that out a few years ago....He tried to cook in my kitchen I nicely said out. The funnier part was when my mom was going to cook Christmas morning breakfast. I told him you think I want the kitchen haha wait till my mom gets here.....she is going to just give you the look. Sure enough he was trying to help by cleaning up and putting dishes away....haha my little bitty mom 5 foot tall size 4 mom gave him the look....he put his head down and walked out of the kitchen.
I know for me it is hard to share my kitchen with others but you are doing a good thing by letter your SIL bake the third pie. Keep us posted.
Have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING. Remember this is a time to be happy, joyful, and giving thanks for the wonderful things that the Lord has given us.
MC
I love Melvira's solution, freeze back up pies!
Happy Thanksgiving! The day will fly by so fast, hang in there! Major holidays are so stressful huh?!
Kelly
I agree here too!! and nothing is worth a fight with your hubby... plus you are hosting dinner for his family, don't let him forget that over some pies as you cooked everything else... just be smarter than everybody else!
I totally feel what you are going through. I just had a hysterectomy two weeks ago. I am having Thanksgiving dinner at my house. I have a five year old and a three year old, so you could imagine what my house looks like at the end of the day. Well today I go for my post op check up. I leave the kids with my sometimes incompentant hubby. I come home and the living room is trashed. So after I come home he goes to play poker with the guys. So I have a total melt down. I start crying my eyes out. I have to have the house cleaned and my desserts made by tomorrow evening so everything will be ready on Thursday. My husband hunts so he will not be any help.
So I say go ahead and do your pies. It's your house and your doing the dinner. If she gets mad than tell her she can do a pie herself, if she thinks it only takes minutes. Tell your husband if he pisses you off too much he can have Thanksgiving dinner at the local restaurant.
It's a good thing you made those pies. She can still make 3, and everyone gets seconds or a midnight snack.
My fiance (whose ex wife did not cook) wondered why I was going off tonight. "It's TUESDAY, Thanksgiving is THURSDAY, and I am an American mother. It is my RIGHT and RESPONSIBILITY to go off to make sure you three keep the house clean and stay out of my kitchen so we can HAVE a Thanksgiving. DOES EVERYONE UNDERSTAND THE RULES???" Got lots of "yes, ma'am"s off that. Gotta train him right now, so we don't deal with this every year.
And even if I'm not cooking tonight, still need to clean the kitchen and get things ready for tomorrow, right?
I personally prefer to do everything I can ahead of time. Every little thing that you do not have to stress about makes life that much easier.
Explain to your SIL that you wanted to get it done and out of the way to enjoy their time there. You have enough left that she can help with when it comes to dinner!!
And just consider your self lucky, at least your SIL is human! I think mine is from another planet! She recently informed my MIL that she is going to order Christmas dinner from Wegmans so she doesnt have to cook.
Quote by @%username% on %date%
%body%