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NEVER make this mistake - Page 2

Poll Results: was i wrong here???

 
  • 30% (37)
    yeah. u should have known that saying u would make the cake meant u were paying for it too
  • 69% (83)
    no way. she's just greedy and a horrible "friend"
120 Total Votes  
post #16 of 40
Okay, I stand corrected....I asked around and the grooms I know did not take the cake home themselves. They gave out pieces to their wedding party and parents and then sent the rest home with their family. They said none of them though, served more than a 1/4 sheet would have served.

One bride said the groom's cake was her husband's present. The entire wedding day was all the things she wanted and the grooms cake was her way of letting the groom's personality come through---giving him something that was only about him.
Man cannot live by chocolate alone,
But Woman Can!
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Man cannot live by chocolate alone,
But Woman Can!
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post #17 of 40
I too am from the south and have always been offered grooms cake at receptions, maybe it depends on the bride and groom or maybe it depends on the location. I agree though that if the bride couldnt "loosen her purse strings" and pay for her cake she wasnt much of a friend. 90 bucks for a cake that feeds so many, I wouldve been jumping for joy!
post #18 of 40
I am from the south and in all the weddings I have been to, I have never even seen a grooms cake! icon_smile.gif Maybe I have cheap friends. icon_smile.gif
Mom to three busy boys!
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Mom to three busy boys!
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post #19 of 40
She HAS to give you the dress or the money you spent on it..... tell her, ( even if you don't do it), that you will take her to small claims court... she will lose !! She has STOLEN YOUR property !! Glad you found out now, before you wasted any more time on this "friendship, what kind of person she really is.....
post #20 of 40
I have never been to a wedding where a groom's cake was served, nor has anyone ordered one from me... but I thought the tradition was that the groom's cake was cut up and put into little boxes for all the single women to take home, put under their pillow and dream about their future husband. Or something like that.

Ah, what do I know. LOL!

Back on topic:

The way you described the situation, it does sound like you were agreeing to do the cake for free. When you then asked for money for it, she probably thought you were going back on your word or "indian giving". I would try to clear the air with her.

If you can't resolve things, you need to send her a demand letter regarding the dress and keep a copy for yourself. You can't take her to court unless you show that you tried to resolve it yourself first.
Plank.
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Plank.
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post #21 of 40
Personally, I would never expect someone to give me a cake for free. And even if a cake was offered, I'd at least offer to pay for supplies. Additionally, I would NEVER keep a dress that was paid for by someone else. And if a bridesmaid in my wedding dropped out, no matter the reason, I'd reimburse her for the dress.

In regards to Groom's cake:
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Quote:
Quote:

A groom's cake is a wedding tradition typically associated with the American South. While a wedding cake may often be decorated in white and light in texture and/or color, the groom's cake can take a variety of forms, many incorporating chocolate or fruit. Cheesecake sometimes serves as a groom's cake. The decoration of the cake may reflect the favorite hobby or interest of a groom, or be used for humorous effect, as depicted in the film adaptation of Steel Magnolias, in which a red velvet cake was fashioned in the shape of an armadillo. The groom's cake is often served at a separate table from the wedding cake at a wedding reception, though it may be served as a dessert for a rehearsal dinner.

Somewhat mirroring legend associated with wedding cakes, a young lady who sleeps with a slice of groom's cake under her pillow will supposedly dream of the man she will marry.



It appears that everyone is right. Those different ways of presenting a groom's cake are likely regional, in any case.
Anna (105 lbs lost since June 1, 2009)
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Anna (105 lbs lost since June 1, 2009)
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post #22 of 40
I think we (as decorators who often get used for free cakes) are too close to the situation to see it how the bride does...

If the friend was making the bride's dress because she was an awesome seamstress (and doing it as a gift) and you offered to help (obviously you are offering your help for free as well) with the dress... but they asked you if you could make the veil instead, and you said 'yes'... where would she get the idea that you wanted to be paid for it?

As you said, you have only been doing cakes for a very short time, so in her mind you are not a professional. If you suddenly hand her a bill as though you were a vendor (when she asked a favor, and not contracted for services), she has every right to feel slighted. Her reaction was uncalled for and very immature, but her feelings are understandable.

I think a lot of us may be hyper-sensitive to this situation because of all the cakes we either give away or undercharge for because we don't speak up when we should. When those things happen, it is OUR fault. (I have been guilty as well)
Plank.
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Plank.
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post #23 of 40
Thread Starter 
ok i have been watching this topic very closely, being as i want to know what u think. i seemed to have assumed that yall actually know me and what my life is life is like. i forgot to say (and i think this is what is very important here) that i recently (about a month before this all happened) decided to divorce my violent husband. he is not sending cild support and i have 2 children under the age of 2. most ppl would expect their best friend to be there for them in such a hard time. i had already spent over $150 for the wedding and was goign to end up spending over $300 in the end (not including the cake). she knew i was totally broke and of course i knew i had to pay for the dress, shoes, and jewlrey and to get my hair done and my nails done where she wanted to get it done. plus a present... i was already in the hole. she knew this the whole time. and then got mad at me saying "its not MY fault that u cant afford this!" so i think that is a big reason all of this is soooo messed up. oh well, its over now. shes getting married this weekend. hope it rains! lol.just thought yall should know more of the details that make me more right here.
Let ME eat cake!
~*Melissa*~
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Let ME eat cake!
~*Melissa*~
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post #24 of 40
Your friend sounds very young...is she?

Never in my wildest dreams would I expect or even ask a friend to do grooms cake to feed 200 people for free. If a friend CAME to me and offered to do it as a gift that would be one thing, but to assume that you would is rediculous.
post #25 of 40
As another southener lets remember that even in the south there are differences within the region. In Eastern NC where we lived for 25 years before we moved to Ga. last summer the grooms cake; if they had one, was served at the rehersal dinner the evening before the wedding. That doesn't mean its wrong to have it at the wedding, or for the groom to take it home. Its just a custom thing in the area.
In ENC when there is a death in the family a spray of white flowers are placed on the front porch to let everyone know that there has been a death in the family, shortly after we moved to G a family down the street put a beautiful spray of whte flowers out on the porch, (they happen to go to our church) so I called our pastor and asked about the flowers and what I knew it had meant where we came from. Glad I did, Here it just means that they put white flowers on the porch icon_lol.gif So be careful before you hasteily say someone is wrong. Lets hear all CCers and appreciate our differences, even in customs.
jibbies
post #26 of 40
By saying, "I'd be glad to do the groom's cake if you'll pay for the supplies" would have avoided the whole problem. But then, you know what they say about hindsight. Whether you are going through a rough time or not, I would have assumed you were doing it for free. I think this is a total lack of communication and I think she was not really your friend or she would not have reacted this way. Demand your money back on your dress and chalk this up to experience.

Diane
Lord, If you can't make me thin, please make my friends fat.
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Lord, If you can't make me thin, please make my friends fat.
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post #27 of 40
I too would have thought you were going to do the cake free in light of the conversation you joined.
I also wouldn't have expected the bride b...h to react so nastily when asked for the supply money.
Truthfully, you're better off without a ''friend'' like that. You know the old adage, ''With friends like that, who needs enemies''. SO TRUE
She also needs to give you back your money for the dress. You should save all those remarks she has made at ''My Space''.
I don't use those sites but isn't there a way to block people you don't want posting there???
Just keep smiling, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel.
Be nice to everyone, because everybody is wrestling with their own personal "giants".
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Be nice to everyone, because everybody is wrestling with their own personal "giants".
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post #28 of 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by kansaslaura


You stepped in and offered your services free at that point to help with that cake. When she asked if you would make the grooms cake, it was during the same conversation as the free wedding cake and your offer to help, free...correct??




actually, Kansaslaura, she didn't offer her services, she was asked to "help". It's different.

Quote:
Originally Posted by princessdepastel

i said i would HELP decorate the wedding cake when jay asked me if i would. then she changed her mind and said "hey why dont u make my grooms cake!" i said sure. (wouldnt u automatically think she was going to pay for it?)



I admit it could have gone either way, and could have been nipped in the bud perhaps by inserting the following sentence:

"..... then she changed her mind and said "hey why dont u make my grooms cake!" i said sure. "What do you have in mind for a budget for this cake?"

of course hindsight is 20/20, and it's tragic that a bridezilla with an entitlement complex could ruin what was presumably a perfectly good friendship. Weddings can do that to some people. icon_mad.gif

incidentally, this is also one of the reasons I avoid myspace.... icon_lol.gif
Exercise hard, eat fiber, die anyway.

"the views expressed in this post are not intended to cause any offense to any member of CakeCentral unless expressly stated."
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Exercise hard, eat fiber, die anyway.

"the views expressed in this post are not intended to cause any offense to any member of CakeCentral unless expressly stated."
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post #29 of 40
sorry lionladydi - didn't mean to step on your train icon_redface.gificon_lol.gif
Exercise hard, eat fiber, die anyway.

"the views expressed in this post are not intended to cause any offense to any member of CakeCentral unless expressly stated."
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Exercise hard, eat fiber, die anyway.

"the views expressed in this post are not intended to cause any offense to any member of CakeCentral unless expressly stated."
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post #30 of 40
Wow- that's an unbelieveable story. You are much better off without her as your friend. How immature to post things about you on myspace...as if you all are in 9th grade!

I see how the misunderstanding happened...and the fact that she didn't try to work things out shows that she wasn't much of a friend to begin with.

If it were me, I wouldn't mess with suing for the $... unless you want to prolong the battle. I would chalk it up to a lesson learned and erase her from my life completely. And by the way, with a temper like that, I'm guessing this marriage will be short lived!
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