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NEVER make this mistake

Poll Results: was i wrong here???

 
  • 30% (37)
    yeah. u should have known that saying u would make the cake meant u were paying for it too
  • 69% (83)
    no way. she's just greedy and a horrible "friend"
120 Total Votes  
post #1 of 40
9/15/07 at 8:41pm
Thread Starter 
ok i need to vent. i had a "friend" lets call her "jay" who was getting married and she was having another "friend" of mine (call her patty) making her buttercream wedding cake (as her wedding gift). "jay" and "patty" were talking about details about the wedding cake and i joined in the convo. i said i would HELP decorate the wedding cake when jay asked me if i would. then she changed her mind and said "hey why dont u make my grooms cake!" i said sure. (wouldnt u automatically think she was going to pay for it?) well exactly a month before the wedding date i couldnt get a hold of jay to discuss the cake. all i knew is she wanted a fondant covered cake, in the shape of a heart, decorated to look like a tux to feed about 200 ppl. sooo not a small project for someone who has only been decorating for 2 months. well i was getting frustrated with the whole situation because i needed money for supplies to make this cake. i went to michaels to estimate how much it would cost and i decided about $90. i figured i would just ask for $90 and give her my time as her wedding gift. (by the way, i was supposed to be in the wedding too). well patty told jay that i needed money for supplies. jay called me and gave me attitude while saying "so... i have to give u money... for what?" i told her some of the supplies i needed and she kept asking "what else? that doesnt cost that much..." (she doesnt know squat about cake). the next day she changed her mind to get a two tiered buttercream that looked like it was wearing a tux. i estimated it to cost $35. i said i would just do that for free. well, she went ahead and posted on myspace that i thought she was my friend but "after all the sh*t (i) pulled, (she) was going to have to resign (me) as a friend". what??? she was just using me for a free cake!?! well at the end of all this, she kept posting stuff about me on myspace and ultimately i dropped out of her wedding. now she wont return the $135 bridesmaid gown i paid for. i will NEVER make that mistake again. from now on, money will be discussed right away. what a b*tch!
Let ME eat cake!
~*Melissa*~
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Let ME eat cake!
~*Melissa*~
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post #2 of 40
9/15/07 at 8:51pm
She's definitely a greedy bridezilla. That's awful she's not giving the money back for the dress. She should be ashamed of herself.
Stop prescription drug abuse-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYygjK9A5CM
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Stop prescription drug abuse-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYygjK9A5CM
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post #3 of 40
9/15/07 at 8:54pm
My thought is she expected you to do it as a "gift" also because her wedding cake was a gift. I do think that she was using everyone she could to get off cheap though. I wouldn't consider her much of a friend if a misunderstanding is all it takes for her to turn on you. Your probably better off.
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post #4 of 40
9/15/07 at 8:59pm
You are not alone. Another thread on CC about people who become your best friend, and even invite you to a party just so you'll bring the cake, when they want a free cake. Read this: http://forum.cakecentral.com/cake-decorating-ftopict-508623.html

Do you really want a "friend" (I'm using the term friend very loosely here) who would treat you like this?

You deserve better.

And yes, next time, talk price up front.
Anna (105 lbs lost since June 1, 2009)
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Anna (105 lbs lost since June 1, 2009)
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post #5 of 40
9/15/07 at 9:04pm
Since when you were talking about the other cake friend was giving her the cake then the assumption would be, unless you specified up front that you would be expect the cost of supplies. With that being said is she a greedy, horrible friend...YES!!!! Who wouldn't offer to pay for supplies if they were a true friend?!?!?!?
Koalabear
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Koalabear
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post #6 of 40
9/15/07 at 9:04pm
Okay, you paid for the dress and the BRIDE is keeping it???? No way!

First of all, I've not ever had a Bride tell me she wanted me to do a groom's cake and not be willing to pay for it. Second, we don't do a lot of groom's cakes in Michigan (not like in the South), but I've never been asked to do one for 200 people! Usually the groom's cakes I do are for the groom to enjoy, possibly with his friends and family. Most times, they take the cake home and have it the next day when they are opening gifts.

This "Bride" has no class. Has she applied to We TV's "Bridezillas" show??? Be thankful that you're only out a little $$ for a dress. If she doesn't give it back, then chalk it up as a lesson learned. She's not much of a friend to do this to you.

JMO,
Odessa
The Client doesn't generally understand the creative process we go through to make them a gorgeous confection ... it really IS more than "just" butter, eggs, and flour!
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The Client doesn't generally understand the creative process we go through to make them a gorgeous confection ... it really IS more than "just" butter, eggs, and flour!
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post #7 of 40
9/15/07 at 10:06pm
She's a total bridezilla, and even if there was miscommunication she doesn't have to be so rude about it. I'd be jumping for joy if I only had to pay 90 bucks for a cake and ONLY cover supply costs-- good luck getting a baker to cover that for her, pft.

And, I'd bug her about the dress. It's YOUR dress, you paid for it, and I'd continue to demand it from her until she gave in. Don't let her cheat you out of your own hard earned money.
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post #8 of 40
9/15/07 at 11:35pm
Boy she sure did show her true self, didn't she.

Count yourself lucky that you got out of this *friendship* now rather than later.
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post #9 of 40
9/16/07 at 8:41am
Thread Starter 
can u believe she even had the nerve to say she didnt trust "patty" to make her cake the way she didnt want it!?! i mean, goodness, what does she want for FREE!?! plus she told patty that she wanted the cake to serve either 300 or 400 ppl (i cant remember which amount) cuz she's not serving food at her reception so ppl are going to want seconds. the nerve of ppl.
Let ME eat cake!
~*Melissa*~
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Let ME eat cake!
~*Melissa*~
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post #10 of 40
9/16/07 at 9:01am
Since you were all talking about the cake "patty" was doing as a gift I can see where "Jay" assumed that you would want to do a cake as a gift too; however (and a very BIG however) you all know what they say about people who assume things. I think you were completly fair to want payment and for her to behave in that manner is horrible. Even my 6 year old can behave better then that. She should be ashamed of herself.

As for her not paying you back for the dress I do have some experience in that area. She absolutly must return either the dress or the money to you; if not you can take her to court. I was to be married 5 years ago and when we split I never returned the dresses (didn't have his sisters numbers and we only spoke to exchange our daughter.) All 5 of them sent me letters demanding the money. I sought legal advice to for my own benefit and found that I did have to do one or the other; it is up to them to take the cash or the dress....thankfully at the time the all choose the dresses. I wasn't trying to be mean to them by keeping the dresses it was just a really bad time and I was starting over and it wasn't a priority. It is completely up to you on how you handle the situation, but I was you luck in future friends and cakes!
Christine

When my wires are frayed I think of shiny happy people holding hands!
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Christine

When my wires are frayed I think of shiny happy people holding hands!
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post #11 of 40
9/16/07 at 9:02am
Quote:
Originally Posted by princessdepastel

she was having another "friend" of mine (call her patty) making her buttercream wedding cake (as her wedding gift). "jay" and "patty" were talking about details about the wedding cake and i joined in the convo. i said i would HELP decorate the wedding cake when jay asked me if i would. then she changed her mind and said "hey why dont u make my grooms cake!" i said sure. (wouldnt u automatically think she was going to pay for it?)



I would not assume she was going to pay for it. The conversation as you describe it was around a wedding cake that was being given as a gift. You stepped in and offered your services free at that point to help with that cake. When she asked if you would make the grooms cake, it was during the same conversation as the free wedding cake and your offer to help, free...correct??

I would have assumed that you were going to gift the grooms cake just based on that conversation.

Never ever EVER jump in and agree to do something of that magnitude without ironing out key details first.

You pretty much nailed the problem with this statement:

Quote:
Originally Posted by princessdepastel

well patty told jay that i needed money for supplies. jay called me and gave me attitude while saying "so... i have to give u money... for what?" i told her some of the supplies i needed and she kept asking "what else? that doesnt cost that much..." (she doesnt know squat about cake).



and that is exactly why she never thought twice about you charging her for it. You didn't educate her ahead of time about the cost. She considered it signed, sealed and ready to be delivered after that conversation eariler.

Too bad a friendship had to be destroyed over lack of communication. One more thing...never talk to another friend about an issue with a mutual friend. So many hard feelings can be avoided by going directly to the individual you have issues with.
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me". Erma Bombeck
~~~
If God is for us, who can be against us?
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me". Erma Bombeck
~~~
If God is for us, who can be against us?
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post #12 of 40
9/16/07 at 9:07am
A groom's cake is not suppose to serve the entire wedding! The groom's cake is a present from the bride to her new hubby. It's suppose to be his favorite flavor and possibly reflect something about him.

I'm from the south and I've seen lots of grooms cakes.
My brother's groom's cake was a sheet cake with a fbct of his Chevy II car, his hobby was restoring it. My best friend's grooms cake was a soccer ball because he loved soccer. Both were chocolate.

The groom's cake is for the groom----not all the guests there. If he would like to share with his groomsmen and family, that's his choice. But normally he takes a slice and takes the rest home.

She should reimburse you for the cost of the dress if she no longer is having you in her wedding. She was totally using you for the free cake and if she was a true friend she would've understand why you needed money for the supplies. The time spent decorating was your gift. She should have been thrilled with paying for only supplies for the cake.

You're better off not having her as a friend.
Man cannot live by chocolate alone,
But Woman Can!
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Man cannot live by chocolate alone,
But Woman Can!
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post #13 of 40
9/16/07 at 11:40am
Thread Starter 
i forgot to say that when we first had the convo about me making the grooms cake "patty" didnt know that she was giving the cake for free or not (i had no clue it was going to be a gift until about 5 days later. and i at least thought she was going to pay for supplies). they hadnt discussed money either. and jay was so hard to get a hold of so patty didnt know it was going to be a "gift" until about 5 weeks before the wedding date. now what do yall think?
Let ME eat cake!
~*Melissa*~
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Let ME eat cake!
~*Melissa*~
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post #14 of 40
9/16/07 at 11:43am
I'm from the south (Arkansas) too, and the groom's cake, while never as large as the wedding cake, is always served at the wedding. It is usually half or less of the number of servings of the wedding cake, and yes, it is usually chocolate, but not always. I have never heard of a groom's cake being only for the groom.
Anna (105 lbs lost since June 1, 2009)
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Anna (105 lbs lost since June 1, 2009)
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post #15 of 40
9/16/07 at 1:17pm
I am from the south, too and grooms cakes are served at the wedding reception. Usually they are a different flavor than the bride's cake. My son's is chocolate in the shape of slabs of wood. (He love trees and woodworking)
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