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Help me stand Up to my mother...... - Page 5

post #61 of 126
Debi, cool, all good! icon_biggrin.gif (I love my CC family too much and would never be my intention to offend or hurt anybody)

And again, agree with you, now as grown-ups, I guess the best thing to do is learn from what our parents did wrong and do the right thing with our kids and if the relationship with our parents now is not the best then we are better off keeping our distance, very wise! thumbs_up.gif
Gaby
www.SweetArtShop.com

For some reason I no longer get CC notifications. If you need to get a hold of me please e-mail me through my website. Thanks!
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Gaby
www.SweetArtShop.com

For some reason I no longer get CC notifications. If you need to get a hold of me please e-mail me through my website. Thanks!
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post #62 of 126
Quote:
Originally Posted by cakesbycathy

The only thing I can think of is to ask Indydebi to call and talk to your mother icon_biggrin.gif



OMG...I stumbled into this thread without the slightest concern of wetting myself and you snuck THIS in! Thanks for the extra load of laundry I have to do now!! icon_lol.gif
Melvira: Mistress of the dark... chocolate!

Well that's just great. Peanut butter in my crack.
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Melvira: Mistress of the dark... chocolate!

Well that's just great. Peanut butter in my crack.
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post #63 of 126
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melvira

Quote:
Originally Posted by cakesbycathy

The only thing I can think of is to ask Indydebi to call and talk to your mother icon_biggrin.gif



OMG...I stumbled into this thread without the slightest concern of wetting myself and you snuck THIS in! Thanks for the extra load of laundry I have to do now!! icon_lol.gif

now mel icon_smile.gif you outta know by now to expect the unexpected here icon_wink.gif lol

i'm a member by only a few months and i've Really learned that icon_wink.gif hehe.
i've gone crazy~ but it keeps me from going insane! heheheh
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i've gone crazy~ but it keeps me from going insane! heheheh
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post #64 of 126
I haven't read all the responses yet, but when I read the original post something JUMPED out at me

*you can't disrespect the woman who brought you into this world*


And why the hell not, may I ask????

It is quite obvious that she disrespects YOU on a regular basis.

Time to get some balls of steel and STAND UP to her.
post #65 of 126
I love my mom. All these stories I am hearing make me feel even more grateful than I usually feel. I was adopted "fresh", and I have always been very glad. We have an excellent relationship, and we are constantly doing things for each other, no strings, all love. As a matter of fact, my kids and I spend about 5 weeks every summer with them in their summer home, and 1 week wintering with them.

So I have no idea about the awful situation that you are in with you mom.

But I know for a fact that my mom, if she asked, would pay me for a cake. She'd pay for the supplies (and any other groceries that I happened to need), and then also pay for the cake. She'd probably also pay for the gas to get it to the party, knowing her. Then she'd tell me to write a check on my dad's account for the cost of it too!!!! icon_biggrin.gif

That being said... If you mother asks you for a cake, she has solicited your business. As a business woman you owe it to yourself to respect your business enough not to short-change yourself. And as others, including yourself, have said, "it will cost this amount to do the job that you would hire me to do" and then depending on how you are feeling at the time, you can offer to do it for cost, or charge her extra for all the years of torment.

All the best on this one!
Take care.
Eat Smart... Eat Cake!!!
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Eat Smart... Eat Cake!!!
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post #66 of 126
Quote:
Originally Posted by bitofsnshn

ok ok i have the answer. A sheetcake and a container of cookies from costco. i think what she offered should cover the cost. Show up with them in hand and tell her you just ran out of time, but dont worry you were able to get her something in her budget.



Examples like these will not solve the problem.

This goes way beyond the cake.
Tina
Whitewright, TX
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Tina
Whitewright, TX
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post #67 of 126
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by nefgaby

You know, to honor your father and mother is the first commandment WITH a promise (Dt 5:16)



Respectfully responding......

I was actually waiting for this one to surface. I find it amazing that this is the ONE line from the Bible that non-christian evil parents know. (Oops! I am NOT calling you non-christian or evil!). They know nothing about God's Law but while they are beating their children with coat hangers and belts, they are quoting this line.

I doubt very much that God said, "Children, you must honor thy father and mother no matter what they do or pay the consequences, but mom and dad, YOU get to do whatever you want to my most blessed Gift, the little children, and that's ok."

Nope.....don't believe that's how it went down.




So glad you said this cause I couldn't have said it better myself. After reading the scripture nefgaby wrote, I've been sitting here looking through my bible looking for a passage we went over in Sunday School a few weeks back that basically said, "hurt a child and you will have a big rock tied around your waist and thrown into the deepest ocean." I can't find it right now. I thought I had it bookmarked. My point is that I don't thing God would blame her for defending herself against a mom who has disowned her at 10 years of age.

OK. Gotta go. Roper's tearing the doors off the cabinet in the utility room again. (another post)
Tina
Whitewright, TX
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Tina
Whitewright, TX
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post #68 of 126
Thread Starter 
WOW! Thanks everyone for your input and help. I went to bed last night in the middle of page 3 and wake up this morning to 2 1/2 pages of comments icon_smile.gif Thank you all!

I'm thinking of the exact wording right now but I think I've got it!! lol

"Mom I can't do the cake and cookies for $20.00. The cake you want will cost $45.00 for a sheet cake, or $60.00 for a round, to feed 30 people. The cookies will be $3.00 a dozen. I can not do it for the $20.00 offered because it does not even cover my costs and time."

I have a habit of saying I'm sorry when I really shouldn't have to. And I think if I chicken out I'll just have hubby back me up lol. He's fed up with mom and all her demanding and stuff. Her current thing with him is (he's a full time carpenter, ex-plumber, ex-pool man, ex-electrian) she redoing so much of the house right now, redoing the basement and wants ceramic tiles put down on the concrete floor, since he doesn't know how to do that at all, she's contracted a work friends son whom she's paying to do it. Hubby has to find two friends that don't want/expect to get paid, to help him remove the old sliding glass door, rebuild the frame and put in a new sill, which means he has to jack the house up to support the entire house when he removes the main sill/support to replace it. This is something that would normally take his entire work crew of 4 people, at least 2-4 days. She wants it done in ONE day. Fed up with her BS he finally told her as nicely but sternly as possible, "Mom I'm sorry but it can not be done in 1 day it'll take at least the entire weekend and unless you want to contract someone who will send a crew of 5+ men out here to do it you won't get it done in 1 day."

I guess I should also include here, my husband is more of a son their either of her sons ever were. My half brother is the one whom she allowed to hurt us when we were younger, my other brother, whom is her son, but dad adopted him to give him the same last name as all of them when they got married, is a recovering drug addict and alcoholic, mainly because of his childhood and what our half brother did to him too. Since he's so messed up with depression and suicidal thoughts because of my sister's situation (they were VERY close and like best friends) he lost his job, stayed in the house, never left for anything, she paid over $300.00 for his meds just so he could try to get better, then he ended up getting put in jail AGAIN for Child Support, she bailed him out, $500.00. Now he's doing better, he was actually out and about thursday and I got to see him for the first time since Christmas. He missed my oldest nephew's birthday party in March, missed my daughter's in May, missed my other nephew's in June, missed dad's birthday in July, and is now doing better. She gives in to him no matter what it is, he fried her computer and she just let it go and had dad spend $3000.00 on another one for her because she CAN NOT live without iWon at home!!!!

Ok that went further then I expected sorry lol. But my point is her own son won't lift a finger to help her out so my husband does it all. When we lived there off and on in the last 10 years it was because of various reasons. The first time was when I was pregnant, we were living in a little run down house because that's all we could afford at the time, when I went into labor as I was giving birth she proceeds to tell me "You are not taking my grand child back to that house when you leave this hospital you are to move home." So we did. 6 weeks later she throws us out because my drug addict brother moved back in and I was rude to him and didn't trust him to hold my daughter because he was either always high or drunk. I went into the hospital when Suz was 2 weeks old and had emergency gal bladder surgery and was in there for a month with back to back problems after the surgery, one of which almost resulted in my death. I've had nothing but health problems since the blood transfusion I received against my will. She would help my husband by taking Suz in her bedroom every other night so he could get a half way decent nights sleep for work. I had a very good friend who babysat for me for free considering the situation. Mom has NEVER babysat for me. She always took my sister's boys places and babysat for her when me and hubby couldn't, but she has NEVER babysat my daughter which is why my daughter has seperation anxiety so flippin bad she won't even sleep in her own bedroom 3 feet from my room without a huge fight or someone being in there with her until she falls out lol. The one time we did ask them to watch her for us so we could go out, we've only been on 3 dates in our 10 1/2 years together, my dad ended up watching her the entire night and when we came in at 2 am (went to a concert mom gave us tickets for) she was sitting up crying because "they went to bed and mom-mom shut and locked her door" and she was scared to be down in the living room by herself.

The main reason I don't want her doing this crap to us anymore is because I don't want my daughter growing up thinking it's ok to be like that to her husband and family. I grew up thinking it was normal for the man to wait on the woman hand and foot and do everything while she did nothing. My husband was very understanding when he saw first hand how I grew up by staying there one night when we first met. He excepted my apology and explained that it's a 2 way street and there is give and take not just take. I've been trained just like Debi in how NOT to be a mother. I refuse to use those tactics on my daughter and I agree, there is no "repaying" owed. She is my angel and my miracle child as I was told when I was a teenager I would never be able to have children. And seeing as I've only had one pregnancy in her 8 years of life that ended in a miscarriage 2 weeks later, I've come to see that God only intended me to have on miracle and 3 step miracles lol.

I'm not religious because we were forced to go to church as children and to indure endless crap that was basically telling us how to live and who to be friends with and such... needless to say we quit (me and my sister) and we both ended up with people we "weren't" supposed to be with lol. She has 3 children by "those" people and I'm married to one lol... my parent's accepted it just fine but mom's church did not and refused to marry us because of that. So I've drilled it into my daughter's head I don't care who you end up loving or marrying because I know you can't control that but make sure he's good to you and doesn't hurt you. Skin color and all that does not matter! You can not tell your heart who to care for, and your heart knows no color but one. (I think yall kinda get it but incase ya don't.. my husband is black I am white... the catholic church didn't agree with mixing the two.)

Ok I think that's it.... man I ramble I'm sorry gang lmao.
Happy Cakin! ~*~Becky~*~
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Happy Cakin! ~*~Becky~*~
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post #69 of 126
SuHwa,

That's exactly why my hubby and I can't text message with one another anymore. LOL.
post #70 of 126
Wow. Your "speech" sounds great and I think it's good for you hubby to back you. You need all the support you can get.

Waiting for the outcome......

Good Luck!
Tina
Whitewright, TX
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Tina
Whitewright, TX
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post #71 of 126
*applauds* sounds great! i have a sister like that. the one i say has her own diamond mine, both my parents obviously favor her for reasons i still cannot fathom lol.

i too was forced to go to church etc through my youth till my parents split for the 2nd/3rd time.

hubby and i both share the opinion we're not against religion- just how some churches dictate how your to live your life and you Must do this etc.

i talk to god every day - in my heart. i dont need a building to do that. but please dont take what i say wrong; i honestly dont mean to offend anyone by this.

i just mean i empathize with you.
i've gone crazy~ but it keeps me from going insane! heheheh
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i've gone crazy~ but it keeps me from going insane! heheheh
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post #72 of 126
OhMy,
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It sounds to me like you tolerate her for the sake of your Dad. Is there anyway you could have a relationship with him and not her? My first instinct is to tell you to run as fast as you can away from her but then I got a sense that you really love your Dad and it could hurt your relationship with him. If it were me, I would first speak to your Dad about it and get his opinion. If he is no help perhaps you could tell your mother you will get a list of ingredients together and she can go purchase them and you will do the cake for supplies and donate your labor. Or even tell her in exchange for your labor she can watch your daughter. That way she can see how much ingredients cost and what a time consuming job it is!

I hope you can work this out and establish rules for the future. Life is too short to have toxic people in it! If you cannot fix the problem, perhaps it is time to walk away. I don't think this is about a cheap cake, I think it is about a life decision.
post #73 of 126
Who needs Dr. Phil when we have Dr. Debi.
So often I find myself saying "My simple, boring life!" Trust me, I like it that way. No drama. My parents are wonderful. I can't imagine growing up in the households that so many you have.
Over the years, there have been some "friends" that would just take, take, take. It took my DH to open my eyes and teach me to cut those leeches out of my life.
post #74 of 126
OhMyGoodies I am soooo sorry that your mom has to be "Not so much a mom" (that's what a friend calls her mom) . I can't say I know how you feel or I know anything...all I can say is that I am sorry you had to endure this mental ABUSE because that is what it is. I don't know what your heart tells you but I know what I would do if I were in this situation...I would tell her I can't do it. And "mom" if you don't understand I need to make a little money then maybe you need to go krogering for your goodies to take for your FRIEND whom I feel you care more about then you do myself.
When my dad was alive it seemed like we (dh and I) fell on hard times A LOT....never once did he ever expect a penny back...I knew this cause he said..."You can pay us when you can or not I don't expect it because I am your dad and I will do whatever for my kids until I die"
That is what WE parents are supposed to do for our kids...We ARE supposed to help when we can (and if we can), we ARE supposed to love unconditionally. And WE DONT expect anything back for raising our kids.

May I extend my biggest Kentucky hugs to you, because I think everybody deserves a hug EVERYDAY of their life, you are important and don't ever forget it...if it means cyber hugs from your CC buddies then so be it..

JMHO from Kentucky

Christi
Christi
(NO I am not a goat farmer LOL)


I get enough excercise just pushing my luck
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Christi
(NO I am not a goat farmer LOL)


I get enough excercise just pushing my luck
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post #75 of 126
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by nefgaby

You know, to honor your father and mother is the first commandment WITH a promise (Dt 5:16)



Respectfully responding......

I was actually waiting for this one to surface. I find it amazing that this is the ONE line from the Bible that non-christian evil parents know. (Oops! I am NOT calling you non-christian or evil!). They know nothing about God's Law but while they are beating their children with coat hangers and belts, they are quoting this line.

I doubt very much that God said, "Children, you must honor thy father and mother no matter what they do or pay the consequences, but mom and dad, YOU get to do whatever you want to my most blessed Gift, the little children, and that's ok."

Nope.....don't believe that's how it went down.




indydebi - totally agree!

Ohmy - tell your mom no and go on, you are an adult now and no matter how much help she has given, do not let her walk over you.
Remember - wherever you go, whatever you do, you are loved.
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Remember - wherever you go, whatever you do, you are loved.
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