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Help me stand Up to my mother......

post #1 of 126
Thread Starter 
Ok gang I need your help! I called my mother tonight to find out the exact plans for us babysitting tomorrow night and she pops in "Oh I need a cake for next saturday" So here's how the convo goes....

Her: "I need a cake for next saturday so and so is back for a visit and we're having a picnic for her thru work"
Me: "Ok"
Her: "I'll need it for about 30 people and nothing real elaborate because I'll have to pay for it, and I'll make a batch of brownies and I was thinking you could make a batch of cookies - chocolate chip!"
Me: "ok what do you want? Round sheet? what? and what do you want it to say? 'Welcome back' 'Welcome Home' what?
Her: "Well she's not moving back she's visiting oh you know she's here for a golf tournament so you could do a golf theme"
Me: "Ok so you want me to give you a price on this in a few days right?"
Her: "Well I have to pay for it and I don't want you to charge me more then $20.00 for the cake and the cookies!"

WTF!!!!!!! That's .66 cents a serving on the cake and throwing in the cookies for free! I charge $1.50 per serving for basic butter cream and basic decoration, and I charge $3.00 a dozen for cookies. I don't even know how many dozen is in a batch of chocolate chip it's been so long since I've made them from scratch. Normally we just get the quickie ones so our daughter can help me make cookies when ever she wants... like they have this tub of cookie dough now so I bought it and it's half gone but I don't know how much a whole batch would produce....

My husband says plainly "you can't do it tell her no call her back right now and tell her no!!!! how the hell does she expect you to make this business work out and worth your time and money spent if she is going to do stuff (nope not the word he used lol) like this?"

So I'm just at a loss. She can go get a sheet cake at the grocery store for $22.00 for a 1/4 sheet. She can also buy cookies in the store bakery... I don't know how much they charge but...

How do I tell her I need her to either pay me more or go else where? The problem is my mother is very very VERY manipulative and she just has this way about her. She can change the tone in her voice or bring up something where she's helped us or something and make you cave and give in to whatever she wants. She's also used to my dad waiting on her hand and foot because she's so manipulative and demanding he does it or she won't speak to him.... yeah I know major issues there but they've been together 30 some years can't change now lol. Anyway I know what she'll do tomorrow she'll do what she did with the wrestling ring cake for my nephew. We had fallen on a tight spot in between pay checks and needed a few things from the store so I asked her if I could borrow $50.00. She was already told that cake would cost $56.00. She blew that info off like it was just a FYI type thing not a verbal bill. So later on we're talking about the cake business and all and she asked me if I was making any money at this hobby.... I wanted so bad to smack her or cuss her or something but ya know... can't disrespect the woman that brought ya into this world. So I said yeah I am because you seem to be the only one who won't pay for the cakes you order everyone else pays me what I ask or what they feel it's worth which is normally more then what I charge for it. She said "I did pay you for his cake if you remember I gave you $50.00 for groceries a week later!!!!" real bitchy like. Then in the same sentence she says "which you still haven't paid back yet" wtf is that?! I'm being paid for the cake one second the next I have to pay it back!?

So yeah she's a handfull! BIG time. I don't know what to do. I want to do it because I want to show her I can and I want to hopefully get customers from her work people, but I can't do it for so cheap it won't be worth it especially not with what cookies involve. I'd have to stand over the hot oven in the hot kitchen baking cookies all afternoon just for nothing... for a thank you. And remember she's making brownies....

She said it doesn't have to feed 30 because they will be having other stuff there it doesn't have to be real big and nothing real elaborate but a golf theme..... HOW THE HELL DO I DO THAT FOR $20.00?!?!?!?!!? Please someone help me!!!!!!

Thank you in advance!
Becky
Happy Cakin! ~*~Becky~*~
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Happy Cakin! ~*~Becky~*~
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post #2 of 126
The only thing I can think of is to ask Indydebi to call and talk to your mother icon_biggrin.gif
Tact is telling someone where to go so nicely they can't wait to take the trip!
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Tact is telling someone where to go so nicely they can't wait to take the trip!
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post #3 of 126
Thread Starter 
I asked Debi if she'd be my mommy.... I like her better lmao
Happy Cakin! ~*~Becky~*~
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Happy Cakin! ~*~Becky~*~
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post #4 of 126
yikes! for $20, get 2 discount box cake mixes and bake a 9x13, ice it with plain green buttercream (buy it from the store and tint it for a few bucks.) then i'd take my finger and poke a nice big hole in the middle and pipe me a little white golf ball beside it icon_smile.gif and buy cheap tube cookie mix. that should all come in well under $20. and if there's a problem, just explain that that is what you get for the $$$.
post #5 of 126
Well i dont do anything for free for anyone unless I am going to be giving it as a gift. I have a very over powering mother and One day a couple of years ago I just told her how I felt. But in this cake I would make sure that I am atleats getting what I am putting in to it like ingredents and if she doesn't like that then I would very nicely state Try getting that price somewhere else.

I know its your mother but she cant control you for ever!!
post #6 of 126
i can judo chop her for ya icon_biggrin.gif kidding of course. or am i? detective.gif
post #7 of 126
Hey! Just a thought , maybe you can say you dont have the money right now for the supplies for the cake or cookies ..And can she loan you the money ??? Like maybe 60$ or so ... and you need it upfront That way if she loans it to you you can just keep it alll for the FEE you wont get and if she says arent you going to pay her back?? say you thought it was your payment !!! LOL ! You need to be strong !! stand up to her !! have to start sometime !!!!
post #8 of 126
Quote:
Originally Posted by cakesbycathy

The only thing I can think of is to ask Indydebi to call and talk to your mother icon_biggrin.gif



LOL!!! LOL!!! LOL!!! LOL!!!
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post #9 of 126
ditto to alisoncooks....you can make a 1/4 pretty cheap that way.

one time i was in a rush and got those pre cut toll house cookies from walmart....2.25 a dozen.

your post is heartbreaking, it's too bad you can't get along with your mom.....mines been in heaven now for over 20 years, i miss her every day.
post #10 of 126
Man, oh, man. I agree an IndyDeb moment is definately needed here.

If it was me and I wanted to cause a stink, but not too big of one... I'd tell her to buy her cookies at wal-mart and then make the cake for cost...
Skidoosh...
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Skidoosh...
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post #11 of 126
Thread Starter 
Little cake ty... it's worse then I stated... we have never gotten along until 3 1/2 years ago when my sister had a car accident and we almost lost her. She became very motherly at that point telling me almost everyday she loved me and so on... now she's gotten back into her old habits... She just seems to think that since I made freebie cupcakes for work the other day that this can be a cheapy. Well I made the cupcakes to try to get some orders they were like free samples... not totally freebies here ya go have a cupcake on me and never ever think of me when you need a cake...

But I dunno I'm hoping someone will come in and help me with the wording so I can tell her tomorrow I can't do it for that price or I can only do a XXX size cake for that price which will feed XXX... any help there? My fee for a 1/4 sheet just butter cream 1 layer no filling no torting no intricate details is... $18.00 for 18/20 servings. My price for rounds is more then sheets... so for a round to feed 30... 12" 2 layers 30 servings... $2.00/serving, $60.00.... So either way... if I give her the 30 servings I'm shorting myself BIG time... if I make her a cake to reflect her "budget" which doesn't exist because they are going to dinner and the slots tomorrow night..... anyway if I do a cake to reflect her price it won't be nearly enough for half the people....
Happy Cakin! ~*~Becky~*~
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Happy Cakin! ~*~Becky~*~
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post #12 of 126
I absolutely don't know what to tell you. My mom and I always had a pretty good understanding. She sold Avon and I helped her take orders sometimes and did things for her so she sold me my Avon at cost. I really wasn't into selling cakes when she was still alive but she would never have asked me to do a cake and cookies for $20. More than likely she would have tried bartering about it with Avon. icon_lol.gif If I was going to be really honest about it, I would tell you that I would not have charged my mom to do a cake and cookies but my mom was nothing like this and my mom babysat for me so much when my kids were little. She never charged me a dime.

I have the opposite problem. I babysit for my daughter and feel like I am not appreciated at all sometimes. That's a whole other thread.............. icon_lol.gif

I have to agree. Call Indydebi and have her explain it to your mom. She seems to be the one with the most backbone among us!!!

Diane
Lord, If you can't make me thin, please make my friends fat.
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Lord, If you can't make me thin, please make my friends fat.
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post #13 of 126
Then you need to tell her exactly what you told us...

Mom, the order you want costs more than that. I need to know what YOU want most. A cake to feed 30 costs xx amount in these styles. Cookies cost xx amount per dozen. I'll be happy to make them even on such short notice, but the $20 you offered doesn't even begin to cover my supplies. In order to help you out I'll need to know what you want to do and how much your willing to spend as quickly as possible so that I can begin planning the cake and/or cookies and purchasing supplies.


Say it all at once and don't let her interrupt, or if you are afraid she won't let you finish, email it to her.
Skidoosh...
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Skidoosh...
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post #14 of 126
Thinking about it more:

I would say, "Mom, I don't want to hurt your feelings nor do I want to start a family war, but I just feel like I cannot do this cake and cookies for you. What I could make for $20 is not what you would want. It costs me $**** just to buy the ingredients and that doesn't take into account the time it would take away from my orders I have from paying customers."

With this she will probably throw up to you how she has slaved and bent over backwards all your life to see to it you had a good home, blah, blah, blah. That's when you ask Indydebi for advice. icon_lol.gif (Debi, we are just giving you a pat on the back. We're not making fun of you)

Diane
Lord, If you can't make me thin, please make my friends fat.
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Lord, If you can't make me thin, please make my friends fat.
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post #15 of 126
Thread Starter 
lmfao funny you should suggest emailing... I was thinking about emailing her but was scared she was online right now and would get it right now lol I think I'll just email her tomorrow morning when I check ebay lol and then I'll send hubby in to get the kids and avoid her all together lol... I hate this... this $20.00 doesn't even cover the cost of ingredients for the darn cookies and the cake... granted I have stuff on hand to do the butter cream but we've recently moved into this house and have had NO need for regular flower and have run out of sugar and have no chocolate chips in the house nor brown sugar lol... man this is gonna be hard lol
Happy Cakin! ~*~Becky~*~
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Happy Cakin! ~*~Becky~*~
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