The only thing I can say is never ever send a photo beforehand....of anything. haha. Unless its a photo of a sketch to be approved! I just did a cake recently and the guy was talking about delivery/pickup and he asked if I got some photos and I said "Yes but it looks so much better in person...." so thus hinted that I wasn't sending any. haha.
Melysa, you did nothing wrong, some people are way too sensitive in stressed situations.
Some people can handle it others cannot.
What are you to do!
I say ask her if she wants the cakes at all.
There is no way that you would be the ONE and ONLY reason that she want to cancel the WHOLE wedding, maybe the MOB of MOG have been mixing it up or maybe the GROOM did something and you were the first target she found or that she was willing to shoot at!
Dont feel bad, I would call her and say that you are sad she has reacted in such a negative way to the confirmation that the cake combination she chose was a winner. Too bad (suggest the spinach cake... LOL)
Do not apologize as you did nothing wrong.
Confirm that she wants the cakes and explain to her that you have invested quite a bit and if she cancels she has to pay for the investment you cannot recoop. From there it's up to her but if she chooses to keep you on.
I would continue to say that you are sad she is having such a hard time, and that you did some research on cake combo's and that many of your cake decorator "collegues" have said they made the same combo's so it's not unique and therefore she should not be upset with you trying it out for yourself before hand - making sure your recipe was a winner. (you did not want to try out the cake on her wedding day - she might appreciate not beign a ginny pig).
People might not remember the b-day cake. And If they do, they will be happy to be having it again since it was so good.
Good Luck all the best with Bridezilla!
I think you should write to her and let her know that if she IS planning on cancelling the wedding you need to know so you can have the date open for other prospective brides... I bet that will get her to change her tune...
well folks, if its one thing i've learned from cc is to be firm! i refuse to play games. i emailed her with my last response. so i loose out on $900...big whoop. its not worth the headache.
this was the converstation (via emails) from beginning to end today:
me: i forgot to tell you that i did amaretto cake with espresso imbc and man ! was it GOOD! your wedding cake is going to taste AWESOME !!! woo hoo!
her: what did you do that for?
me: teresa's 50th (photos included)
her: oh. ok. i didn't realize you'd be using that cake.
me: hi ------ i hope that didnt offend you, i just thought you'd be happy to hear that it turned out great. i dont want you to feel that i did it that way to take away from your wedding day and all the little details that make it special for you and your guests. i bake all the time, and when i find a great recipe, i use it. i wanted to try the combination out together since we had done the tasting cake differently, but never considered that it would be a problem. if i did hurt your feelings, i apologize. truce?
her: to be perfectly honest, i've been crying pretty bad since you told me. i'll admit that i can be incredibly spoiled at times. i strive very very hard to be different and special. i broke down and told **fiance** that i'm considering calling off the wedding all together because one by one i keep losing the little special things that i wanted and it just seems so pointless now. it's hard enough that most of my family wants nothing to do with it. so i try to come up with things to make it special just for me. it's not your fault, but i should have expressed my reasons before hand. i'm am crushed, but again it's not your fault. i'll just have to figure something else out.
me: just to clarify, you dont think i made THE cake do you? it was just the flavors, not the design.
her: right. but the flavors, at least the amaretto have been a dream for years. long before i ever dreamed up the cake.
(OK, at this point, i'm not going to let her control it anymore...no more nice guy)
me: ------ , i dont say this in rude taste, but this is silly. many people eat amaretto cake. you didnt dream up the cake either, they are both original designs by ron ben isreal and edith meyers which you desired to have recreated. i bake. i use recipes multiple times. i have served the banana cake to many others on different occasions as well. it is silly to say that your wedding will not be special because the flavor has been used before. how many people that ate teresas cake will actually be at your wedding? how many people, honestly, even will know the name of the flavors they ate??? its not anything to get upset about. now, honestly, i believe i have been more than accomodating over the last several months. i have spend dozens of hours of my time researching things for you. i spent an entire day in my kitchen baking your 3 cakes, hours shopping, emailing et. if you dont want the cake, that is fine, i wont play games with you. i dont like that you used the emotional aspect of this and the idea of cancelling the wedding over little details to manipulate me into saying how horrible i am for baking a cake for someone else...you are marrying a man you love. the rest, is minor! i have absolutely no qualms with returning your money minus my expenses. in fact, its headache enough, and i prefer not to do the shower cake either. my time is precious, i take pride in my work and i will not let this frustrate me any more. i will put your money in the mail tomorrow. i hope that you can move past this without having bitter feelings towards me, but in the end, i wont let it bother me. its your choice.
THE END...or i suppose, i MAY hear back from her.
First,
Doug is hilarious and I'm pretty sure can make anybody feel better in any situation 
Second,
The bride is off her meds. In our own little cake decorating fantasy-world, we could just laugh in her face and direct her to the nearest psych clinic and get away with it. Drat! We have to be nice 
Third,
WHO CANCELS THEIR WEDDING BECAUSE THE CAKE FLAVOR HAS BEEN TASTED BY ANOTHER HUMAN BEING BEFORE THE WEDDING??? I will quote somebody here from Cake Central (*can't remember whom but) SHE'S A WACK-A-DOODLE!!!
and finally....tell the bride that her wedding will be different from any other person on this planet past and present if she gets married in her hometown....OUTERSPACE!
See ya Bridezilla !!! The poor, poor groom
I think you should write to her and let her know that if she IS planning on cancelling the wedding you need to know so you can have the date open for other prospective brides... I bet that will get her to change her tune...
well, i decided not to ask, but to cancel myself. i dont want her to think she is in control simply because she has whined. no way. I CHOOSE NOT TO!
Whoa! Well, you spelled it out for her! Good thing--that girl is VERY spoiled!
She said, in reference to all the little special details being spoiled, "What's the point?"
Um, the POINT is you are marrying the man you love.
I had a wedding with a budget of probably $1000 total (dress, invitations, food, flowers). It was not fancy in the least. However, I have a great marriage. 11 years and counting. The marriage is SO much more important than the wedding, not to mention a little triviality like the cake flavor!
I think you are better off, this type of client gets only worst, run while yo can
I think you should write to her and let her know that if she IS planning on cancelling the wedding you need to know so you can have the date open for other prospective brides... I bet that will get her to change her tune...
well, i decided not to ask, but to cancel myself. i dont want her to think she is in control simply because she has whined. no way. I CHOOSE NOT TO!
I've just read this entire thread and am laughing my A$$ off....not at you, but at how freak'n ridiculuous and downright silly this bride sounds! OMG! Sounds like somebody needs a WAAAHHH BURGER and some FRENCH CRIES!
WOW! I cant believe how people can be! I would Just tell her that you were wanting to make the cake for her but she was not in town. If she keeps throwing a fit I just wouldnt make it for her! I dont have the time for Bridezilla's! So what if you hame this specific type of cake for her your not aloud to EVER make it AGAIN!
WOW... if she wasn't crying before she will be now! I think that was very well said, and will surely get her to stop playing games.
Whoa! Well, you spelled it out for her! Good thing--that girl is VERY spoiled!
She said, in reference to all the little special details being spoiled, "What's the point?"
Um, the POINT is you are marrying the man you love.
I had a wedding with a budget of probably $1000 total (dress, invitations, food, flowers). It was not fancy in the least. However, I have a great marriage. 11 years and counting. The marriage is SO much more important than the wedding, not to mention a little triviality like the cake flavor!
Amen to this! Uh Liza Minelli's wedding to David Guest cost them almost 4 million dollars. I take that back....THEY SPENT A SMALL TOWN'S COMBINED ANNUAL INCOME ON ....A DAY!!!!! Yeah they were divorced the next year.
I'm glad you canceled too!! You may have lost the money but sounds like she is so super picky she would have found something else to complain about. Who needs that BS? Way to go, you are my new hero! I love people who stand up for the principle of the matter!!!!!
Wow Melysa...remind me to never get on your bad side! LOL
But I completely understand and agree with you!
She even wrote it in her e-mail" that most of her family wants nothing to do with it" ----> family issues and you're the easy target. I don't mean to sound like a witch, but it's NOT YOUR PROBLEM!
WOW... if she wasn't crying before she will be now! I think that was very well said, and will surely get her to stop playing games.
um..yup. she just called, i let the answering machine take it. she said she thinks we ran into a misunderstanding and to call her.
um...nope. not worth my time. i'm done.
her latest email:
i'm not at all saying that i'm not grateful. i've more than gushed about how wonderful you are. i was just really surprised. it's just been an incredibly stressful and emotional time. i in no way wanted to manipulate you and i'm sorry that you took it that way. i'm just seriously over loaded and thought that i could express some of what i'm bearing right now to a friend. i don't have many people that i'm close to that i can talk to about certain things. i have no idea how this got out of hand but i'm sorry. i'm just at a breaking point and wish i had someone to talk to. i did not mean to hurt you in my confusion. i'm sorry and hope that we can work this out.
can we say...a grown up put her in place???
i think i'll sleep on it before i even think of calling her back.
Think about it real hard Melysa - real hard. Something tells me that if you continue with this girl, this will not be your last drama session with her. And it makes you go "hmmmm" that she does not have anyone else to talk to about her stress - where is her maid of honor?? And are you her friend - or is she again throwing the guilt trip on you.
This is mean but it kinda makes you wonder why there are not many people she can count on huh? Let us know what happens!!!!....and definitely give it 24 hours if you're going to answer her phone calls/emails.....and if you decide after all to do this.....charge her an aggrevation fee!!!! hehehe
She may naot need a cake if no one shows up! Afterall she has no one, who's gonna eat all that cake?!!?
Elle
I think sleeping on it is a great idea.
Her apology seemed pretty sincere.
She could've reacted a lot worse.
If you decide to do the cake, just be very firm with her about all the cake details.
The downside with you canceling is that you wouldn't be able to get the money you've already spent back. Then again, maybe that sacrifice is worth avoiding dealing with her any longer!
Good luck!
first off i applaud your email to her. well saidwell put and sounds to me like she learned her lesson. sometimes all it takes when one's on that emotional roller coaster is for one person to pull out the stops and say "your being an idiot. stop- come to your senses" it may have been just what she needed- in more ways then one. like the others said- sleep on it. have a nice glass of wine. then if you still wish to continue with her- i'd recommend one more sit down and redo the contract you have with her. if you dont have one; make one and tell her this is final. if you break one iota of this contract- any and all funds are non- refundable. after all you have the past emails and recordings to back your case up.
ok you rock!! I am so glad you sent that e-mail, and I am sure I do not need to say this but your are NOT this womans therapist, and the way you made it sound you are not even really friends just minor aquaintances. Her e-mail should have said..."I'm sorry I just needed to take my aggression out on someone and I figured you'd be an easy target, and would allow me to kick you and treat you like a dog."
This "I just needed some one to talk too" BS, Is just that BS! 
She is again trying to maniuplate you into feeling badly for her, and if you cave you are sending a clear and direct signal that you are a push over. This is classic abusive behavior techinques. Not to far from the guy who beats his wife, then says sorry and makes her feel bad when she threatens to leave, only to start right back up again once everything is back to normal. Don't do it to your self. If you talk to her and feel bad and end up doiong the cake her abusive behavior will only esclate as the day draws near. Don't call, don't e-mail, don't answer the phone. This woman is certifiable.
melysa, I think you did a very good job! I understand your frustration.
I do think she is trying to apologize to you. Let her take you to lunch and discuss it, but make sure she pays.
Legally, if you cancel, you do have to give her all money back. Even if you already bought stuff. If she cancels you get to keep all money.
How well do you know her? Cause just to let you know, SHE IS CRAZY! If her family doesn't want to be part of it, there's probably a reason.
Wow. This woman needs a reality check. Or maybe she's getting one, just not paying attention to it.
Hopefully it will all work out - I'm sure there are plenty of decorators on here (like me) that are cheering your strength in the privacy of their own homes.
Good luck with the whole thing.
I would give it 24 hrs as well. Definitely think long and hard. She has been a real pain in the rear....however, how closely connected are you to her? Is it worth hurting any of your personal relationships for? You have set her straight and you can give her stricter guidlines, like mentioned before.
My whole reception revolved around my wedding cakes. It was the one thing I shopped around for for 18 months. I would have been devistated if I had lost them. (48 centerpiece cakes and a 3 tier).
Make her beg, but give it some consideration.
I have a feeling she won't take you for granted...at least I would hope not.
Just my thoughts.
Freakin master manipulator! This woman is a needy histrionic personality type. If you don't believe it...here is the definition:
...a personality disorder characterized by a pattern of excessive emotionality and attention-seeking, including an excessive need for approval... They are emotionally shallow and have difficulty understanding others or themselves in any depth...Women with HPD may show inappropriate and intense anger. They may engage in manipulative suicide threats as one aspect of general manipulative interpersonal behavior...They often fail to see their own situation realistically, instead tending to dramatize and exaggerate...
I work with one...stand stand her!
Run, run, run...forwarned is forearmed!
Just got done reading through this! Whew!
So, am I right in thinking this person was your friend before all this? I mean, not just a client. I got that from where you said you made the same flavor combo for a mutual friend?
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