.... I am just trying to help you remember how we all have been in our younger and less mature years. It takes a while to grow up sometimes .....
You make some very good points. However, I would like to suggest that this IS how a person learns to grow up.....by learning the life lessons that teach us there are repercussions to our actions.
I'm going to sound officially like an old fart when I say "kids today" just are not being taught that. They are taught that everything they do is great and wonderful and nothing is ever their fault and they are never accountable. Little Leagues no longer have winners and losers because we dont' want to damage their little self esteem, instead of teaching them how to work hard for success.
What a shame she had to wait until she "thought" she was old enough and mature enough to get married before she encountered what appears to be her first exposure to this radical idea of "accountability for your actions".
I agree that there need to be consequences for our actions - and I hope this makes you smile - but I am already teaching that to my 2 year old. I think the bride deserves the wedding cake to be taken away but not the shower cake due so soon - as that was not the cake in question when the whole problem started. I do think we can learn to have a good balance of compassion and doling out consequences though and as long as Melysa is happy with the decision she made and can live with it, that's fine - just wanted to offer an opposing view and try to hope I would be compassionate in that situation. It is easy to look outside a situation and say what we would or wouldn't do - I am also looking through the glasses of my running a business - I am not strictly a hobbyist - the money matters to me - so it might be easier to bite my tongue - and believe me sometimes I don't want to!
Hope you all understand where I am coming from with this.
Melysa, looking at your other cake pics, it is clear you would of done an AWESOME job on that cake! I only wish that I could order that cake from you and show her how great her wedding cake could of been!
as long as Melysa is happy with the decision she made and can live with it, that's fine ..... I am also looking through the glasses of my running a business - I am not strictly a hobbyist - the money matters to me -
Hope you all understand where I am coming from with this.
again, not offended!
here is how i see it. either way, i am not happy (darned if i do, darned if i dont) but at least i will be not happy without a headache. lol.
though i am just a hobby decorator, the money would have been EXTREMELY helpful to me right about now. my husband has been out of work for a whole month. he is back at work now, but will not get paid until the end of august. so yes, biting the bullet on this one hurts because we have bills to pay too...but at least i wont have to spend any money on tylenol
seriously, i do feel bad for not providing the cake for the shower, but her bahavior is completely unreasonable and this is a pool party, not a wedding. cake is a luxery, not a neccesity. yes, she was willing to pay for it, but apparently she was fresh out of respect. i mentioned this before, that the most intellegent thing that i've learned here on cc is to stand my ground. i'd be a fool to turn around now and hand her the ball.
Melysa ... I am just now getting my CC fix for the day, and I just got done reading this thread. I have to tell you how PROUD of you I am!!!! This girl sounds like she has some serious issues, and I am quite certain that you would have been dealing with headaches from her from now until her wedding (and probably after her wedding, too!!!!!). I love the way you handled the whole thing. KUDOS!!!!!
thanks jessica. earlier in the day, i had to laugh because my five year old son was playing on the floor, just talking to himself, making sound effects and stuff...i hear him say "i am MUCHO proud of you! " with some funny spanish accent (he's not spanish). i found it so humerous that i just had to think he was saying it TO ME, even though he hasnt a clue of what i've gone through today.
well, it is LATE! i'm going to bed. nighty night!
thank you everyone for helping me to determine the outcome. i am very appreciative (even to those who disagreed with me, i still appreciate the input because we can always learn from another perspective!)
divaricks, I just want to say officially and for the record, I totally see where you are coming from and have nothing but respect for your "other side of the coin" opinion! You make nothing but GOOD sense, you really do.
Your angle is definitely the most compassionate one, but I don't think melysa is acting without compassion by canceling the shower order--I think if the hostess had said "Oh no, please don't cancel the shower cake, it means so much to us" then it might be a different story. But the gal will surely still get a cake for her shower, and it will probably be pretty. In fact I hope it is, (really, I'm not so mean as my above post ). I just don't think she should be entitled to melysa's talent anymore.
I don't know why on earth anyone should care about my 2 extra cents here! Really I just wanted to say,your "kinder gentler" perspective on the whole thing is really nice to read.
I haven't read any of the replies yet, so I might be repeating when I say this.
It sounds to me like this bride is immature. Cake flavors are "copied" all of the time. Does she think that there are a billion chocolate cake flavors out there? I don't think the issue is you. Sounds like she needs a reality check.
Well Her reality check is being mailed back to her as we all speak!.....
Melysa - Congratulations on standing your ground; maybe now this young bride will learn a lesson on how to treat folks. I am especially admirable of you in turning down these cakes when at this point you could use the money - it takes true integrity to walk away when you could have used the money. You are a great example to your child!
On another note, I get a very strong feeling that even with your returning the money, this is not the last that you will hear from this bride.
Again, you have become everyone's hero!
Wow Melysa! I've just read this thread, and this woma nis a case! I'm so proud of you for giving that money back! I wouldn't have been able to pass it up, and would have been cursing myself the entire time I was making it! Good for you! Have a nice weekend!
good job for standing your ground!! You are doing the right thing and when her date rolls around you will be soo glad you did!
I also wanted to bring up a point that no one has yet. Are you licensed? In FL (where I live) they do not license home bakers. So if she gets pissed off and wants to be really nasty she could file a complaint with the authorities and you could be fined, penalized and 'shut down'. Just watch your back, would hate to see you get in trouble over this crazy lady.
I have to agree with divaricks that the decision not to make the shower cake is a little rash. I would most definitely cancel the wedding cake but I would make shower cake the best tasting most amazing show piece that I could. It would be show people that you can honor your commitments (even under difficult circumstances) and it would say to the bride na-na you could have had the most spectacular wedding cake in history if you were such a WITCH.
Hmmm Melysa...
I understand where you're coming from. She was acting very bratty. She even mentioned that "nobody doesn't care about the wedding"...red flag there: she's probably having family issues. Granted, it's not your problem.
What I would do: Make the engagement cake- but make it sooooo good that she'll be jonesing(sp?) for you to do her wedding cake. Play a little hard ball with her and maybe she might up the price of the wedding cake
$900 is pretty good money...maybe with having the engagement cake REALLY good, she'll pay you more to do her wedding. Just a thought...
But honestly, I think you put her in her place so bad that she'll just twiddle her thumbs and give you the say on the cake.
But I commend you on your e-mail!!
I think you should post the recipe for the cake ... Sort of like "cake revenge"... then everyone else can make it and think of her while they are doing it
Oh My Goodness!!! m I have read every post on every page of this thread!! melysa, I too am MUCHO proud of you! I bet you feel so much better now that the check has been mailed off!
I respect and understand the opinions of those who feel you should have at least done the shower cake, but we have not been dealing with her like you have and you needed to make the best decision for you and your family!
Please keep us posted if you hear back from her-- this is better than any primetime TV (sorry-- not to laugh at you-- this bride is just too much!!)
Good Luck to you! I admire you CBS!!!
Kudos to you melysa!! All of us at CC are proud of you and your CBS.
I just love these posts about all the troubled Bridezillas. We need to have a forum for just stories so when we need a fix on cake soap operas we can have them.
Stick to your guns melysa and have a great weekend!
Wow, I couldn't believe all of this was from one day. What an entertaining read! I was laughing and shaking my head throughout and literally snorted when KansasLaura psoted that image of the Church Lady! LMAO
Melysa - GOOD FOR YOU! Everything that needed to be said has been said. This was a score for us.
Bridezillas, 0 Cakers, 1.
I'm also positive this isn't the end of her. She is going to flip the f**k out when it sinks in that she's not getting her dream cakes. I'm picturing something like Veruca Salt or the "wire hanger" scene from Mommy Dearest.
Now if only someone can give some serious reality checks to those brats on My Sweet Sixteen.
Keep us posted!
My husband was even fascinated by this thread!
I can't WAIT to hear what happens with this. Ohhh!! I hope she gets her check soon- I'm sure she'll have something to say about that!! Has she fired off any more emails? I think she's got at least one more in her. I'm such a sadist..
Great job on dishing out some truly JUST DESSERTS (hahahah!).
Wow! I think that must be a trend lately with the ladies wanting an original! Geez! I finally said no to a lady who wanted a wedding cake. I created 3 different taste test fillings for her and it never had enough liquor in it! I think she just wanted to drink the bottle with a cupcake on the side! LOL! Anyways, I told her to go down the street because they had all the "big" equipment and could make it "BETTER"! Geez....since then, I have only had one more of those....uggg...you would not even believe the fillings these people dream up!
oh my goodness, you all make me laugh SO hard!
well, here is comes...this is what happened this morning.
her: I have no idea what happened yesterday. I don't know why you feel that I would in anyway try to manipulate you. I don't even know what I'd be manipulate you into doing. I'm not angry about the cake, and I told you as much. I've never been anything but pleased with everything you've been doing for this wedding. I know that you may not understand why I was surprised and hurt, and I'll admit that after re-reading our conversation that I did not express my feelings in the best way, which obviously put you on defence. I'm sorry that you felt I was being critical of your work or your time. You should know I would never take you for granted. I'm so proud of your work and recomend you and pass on your portfolio as often as I can. I completely understand you're not wanting to do the shower cake this weekend. Stresses are high for everyone. I understand that Mike is unemployed this month and balancing the boys and the cake can be hard. I would really really appreciate it if you would please still plan on doing the wedding cake. With such short notice most other bakeries are booked and I'd rather have your cake anyway. I didn't come to you to make it just because you're my friend, but because you are amazing at what you do. I could only afford to have one big thing in this wedding, and I chose for that to be this cake. I wanted the best made by the best. Please consider this. I know there must be just as much confusion on your part as there is on mine. I'm still trying to piece together what happened yesterday. If you are willing to do this for me, could you please just apply the cake I gave you for the shower towards the wedding. In all honestly, I couldn't really afford the shower. I hope that we can work through this. We have years of wonderful history and hopefully this hicup and miscommunication won't ruin that. Please do the for me. Thank you.
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me: first off, i will start by saying that I LIKE YOU, but i didnt like your behavior yesterday...and though you did not realize it, you took advantage of my efforts and whined that you didnt get your way. I am a mother of children who do that everyday, and you are an adult, so naturally...I was extrememly insulted that you felt the need to act that way towards me and everything i've done for you.
i am not a bakery with a dozen employees. everything i do, is done with tremendous attention to detail, and at extreme sacrifice to myself and my family. you didnt know this, but just to get the amaretto, i literally drove around one day for more than 60 miles in a rainstorm, WITH my kids, looking for the place. apparently the internet directions were wrong, so i went home eventually. the next day, i drove north of dallas (another 2 and 1/2 hr round trip in the car) , again with my children just to get a bottle of liquor for your sample cake. the gas and time i spent, were never factored into the cost of your cake, neither was the liquor. i made 3 cakes for you, the ingredients were all very expensive and the work complicated to do - i dont just throw a cake mix into the oven and pop it out nice and frosted, ready to eat. when i bake and decorate a cake, i often spend an entire night awake. that means, my family wakes up before i even get a chance to lay my head down on the pillow... i neglect my children, my husband, i put the pets outside and neglect them for days, scrub my kitchen yet forego household chores , run all over town...all to make less than $10 an hour...and then, because someone else had the same flavor of cake, you want me to come up with something else? havent i done enough???
i dont feel the need to justify anything, other than to let you know that by being selfish, things became compicated. a wedding is not about the STUFF, its about the marraige. for you to have gotten upset that i made "your" cake flavor for someone else is unreasonable. would you tell a car dealer to sell you a green car and then the moment you walk on the lot and see another green car, refuse to drive it? no- because it doesnt make any sense. the fact that someone else drives a green car does not make you any less special, unique or different. you dont have to prove yourself ashleigh, you are gods child! you ARE special! you do not, however need to do everything first, best or different to be noticed. you need to know that i intentional told someone i would not do a crooked cake recently because i knew it was important to you that everyone be surprised at your shower. i did not however, realize that you had placed a patent on a flavor. talk about friends ashleigh, i say this because i care...you should stop complaining, and start enjoying. i bake, and i do so often. had you mentioned before to me that this was important then i probably would not have thought it was a big deal, and probably would have glady not done that flavor for anyone else until your wedding. but never in my life have i had someone cry because they werent the first person to have an amaretto cake. obviously there is more to it that that. i know you've had a hard past..and can i tell you, that i can relate? my life was SCREWED UP! not candy coated screwed up, but as screwed up as it can get, but i did not let that form me.
regardless of the fact that i have ordered nearly $100 dollars in supplies specifically for your cake, and regardless of the fact that my husband has been out of work for a whole month, i wrote your check last night. i appreciate the fact that you humbly apologized, i really do. but if i am to continue with this, i need to know that you arent going to play games. i will either do things: 1) return $425 to you today, or 2) continue with BOTH the shower and the wedding cakes without changes. whether you can afford it or not, i am in no position either to simply fork out a loss of $100. i have financial obligations as well.
at this point i am behind on my schedule to start the cake, so if you want to go forward, i need to know immediately.
because i am your friend, i choose to look past this without holding a grudge. i hope that you'll do the same as well. i do care, and want you to enjoy your wedding and everything in between and after. really.
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her: You are 100% totally and completely right. I completely admit that I was completely acting out in spoiled form. It is true that I am overwhelmed right now, but I shouldn't have gotten so upset over it. I want you to know that I really wasn't upset at you at all. In the end people are going to remember the sight more than the taste and it was completely ridiculous of me to get so upset. I think I just snapped yesterday, which obviously put too much pressure on you when you're at a snapping point too. I am really sorry. It took several hours for me to come to an understanding last night that it was my wording and reactions towards you that caused this whole ordeal. I should not have let one tiny thing prick the ever swelling balloon of stress that I'm bearing right now. I completely understand the sacrifices that you have to make to do these sorts of things, especially the difficulty of mine. And I thank you for that. And know, that the only reason I suggested not doing the shower cake was because I thought you'd be behind schedule and too upset to do it, but I'd be grateful and very pleased to still have it. I wanted this cake and for you to do it, and I found a way to budget for it. I realize that I am a special child of God and in the end that's all that should matter, but it's harder to just accept that as enough. I am ever grateful for his love and the people he blesses me with. Sometimes I just need to be special to people too. I am an adult and I work very hard to be a mature adult, and I let some of my childish insecurities slip out yesterday. I can't tell you how sorry enough. I was mostly sad last night because I'd hurt you and let you down, and that is something I don't like to do. Mixing personal and professional relationships is hard and I thank you for not letting my momentary lack a maturity sway your opinion of me. Regardless of anything I am going through, I should not forsake your kindness. I hope that you can forgive me. You're friendship, trust and love mean more to me than any cake.
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OK! so shall i just say that this girl HAS learned her lesson. because i trust my intuition with confidence, this was my response:
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me: thank you for hearing AND listening to what i had to say. i appreciate your sincere apology and i am not resentful. i understand what you said about knowing you are important to god, but also feeling the need to be important to people. we all feel that! and its ok, it is just something to keep in balance. i also want to let you know that i have recognized many times when you behaved in a very mature way, so yesterday is not the image i hold of you. it was a mistake- but everyone makes mistakes. thank you for taking what i had to say with a trustful accountability rather than with anger. i will make your cakes special...so please dont worry, enjoy this time! see you on saturday.
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SO FELLOW CAKERS...DONT STONE ME ! LOL. it worked out. and i feel much more stability in this situation having stood up for myself. i truly think she isnt going to give me any more grief, because i am pretty sure she got the point that i will drop it like hot coal if it happens again. because i changed my mind, i dont consider myself to be a push over. i think i did an excellent job communicating as well as showing understanding and forgiveness. i will say that she lucked out...but also learned a valuable lesson. alot of other people desert her when she pulls that. but with a little life experience under my belt, i think i have set a good example for her instead. life is short.
.... and literally snorted when KansasLaura psoted that image of the Church Lady!....
.... This was a score for us.
Bridezillas, 0 Cakers, 1.
...
Keep us posted!
SO FUNNY!!!!
oh I hope this really does turn out to be a happy ending for both of you!! I love happy endings!!!!
Wow! I love the unexpected turn at the end...I definately don't need my soaps or Law and Order tonight! I think you made the right choices all the way through this whole situation...
Heather
I'm glad you stood your ground and I'm glad you have decided to do the cake. 1 because I can't see letting over $100.~ in stuff go to waste even if it would be used at a later date... 2 because you WERE looking forward to doing this cake.
I read this entire thing and have just now said anything on this matter as I was hoping she would come off her pedistal and give you a hug and tell you she's sorry and she's going to act her age and not her shoe size . I'm glad SOMEONE set her straight no matter who it was that explained to her she's not the center of the universe and things don't ALWAYS revolve around her And I'm glad things worked out for both of you.
Your husband being out of work, which I'm sorry for I know what it's like, but that shouldn't have been brought up by her that was again manipulating you into it by reminding you you need this money... but I know you aren't taking it on because of that But she shouldn't have brought that up that really is none of her business as just an aquaintance lol.
Anyway Good for you for standing up for yourself and your business and I'm glad it all worked out
Well, Melysa, I think you did the right thing. It sounds like she really got the message & won't give you any more grief. Good for you! I can't wait to see those cake pictures!!!
Your husband being out of work, which I'm sorry for I know what it's like, but that shouldn't have been brought up by her that was again manipulating you into it by reminding you you need this money... but I know you aren't taking it on because of that But she shouldn't have brought that up that really is none of her business as just an aquaintance lol.
actually that didnt offend me, i dont think she used that manipulatively because i clearly told her that i'd give her back all the money without blinking. i think that she was trying to show me that she was putting herself in my shoes and all that i have been juggling.
thanks for your response. i better get off this computer now, i've got a cake to make!
She sounded sincere. She also knew you were very serious about your position. Takes ALOT to walk away from almost $1,000 when your hubby is out of work for a month. She realized that too. The fact that you were willing to do so STILL makes you my cake hero.
Do the cakes - tell her to keep her trap closed and trust you - GET PAID -
and have fun!!!
Her wedding will be special because people are there to see her and her man get married. They are the center and focus of everybody who is there that day. That seems pretty special to me.
ps- you have a cake due Saturday so get to work!
to err is human
to forgive -- divine
::handing you a halo::
can you sprinkle it with luster dust please?
can you sprinkle it with please?
in best emeril imitation:
::BAM::
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