Is It Bad Etiquite? I'm Confused!

Decorating By melysa Updated 19 Oct 2007 , 7:47pm by melysa

havingfun Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
havingfun Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 12:57am
post #91 of 273

WOW!! I bow to the masters icon_biggrin.gif

What great reading and what a great lesson from all CC's cakers with what is now known as cake balls of steel icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif Could mine be dark chocolate instead?? Strong, firm, and make you pucker when you bite??

marthajo1 Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
marthajo1 Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 1:01am
post #92 of 273

How will the no show on the cake for this weekend affect your business? Do you really have grounds to no show that one? Legally i mean, if you had a contract....


I was just thinking that usually people who are getting married usually have friends who will be getting married sooner than later.

melysa Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
melysa Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 1:11am
post #93 of 273

i dont give a hoot...i dont run a business. this is a hobby and she came to me! so yes, therefore, i have grounds for a no-show...(technically, its not a no show, as i have given her notice today) because i choose not to work for people who have no clue what i sacrifice to give them what they want.

marthajo1 Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
marthajo1 Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 1:14am
post #94 of 273

Oh Melysa--- I hope I didn't offend you with my question! I didn't mean too!

southerncake Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
southerncake Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 1:14am
post #95 of 273
Quote:
Originally Posted by marthajo1

How will the no show on the cake for this weekend affect your business? Do you really have grounds to no show that one? Legally i mean, if you had a contract....


I was just thinking that usually people who are getting married usually have friends who will be getting married sooner than later.




It sounds like everyone knows that this chick has a problem and hopefully will not even think twice about someone not wanting to work with her -- it seems that her family can't even work with her planning the wedding! She has not yet mentioned if there was a written contract, but I would think by changing the order the original contract would be void, but I could be wrong.

A local florist told me once about turning a bride away that he had been working with for a while. He said that they had met over and over and over again. Every time she changed her mind, every time there was some new drama, and he just couldn't take it any more. He said that he refunded her deposit and told her that he just didn't feel he was the right floral designer for her and that he wanted her to have the best day possible and he just would not be able to do that for her. He says this was about 10 years ago (he has probably been in business 25+ years) and that several snotty remarks she had made worked their way back to him, but overall, he felt it did not hurt his business. He said he would rather have her talking junk about the fact he cancelled rather than have her talking junk about how he didn't do a good job!

The same would probably be the case with this bride. She probably would not be happy with a Collette Peters original made with the finest ingredients with butter made from milk from cows bread especially for her wedding and flour grown in virgin fields selected just for her!

melysa Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
melysa Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 1:15am
post #96 of 273
Quote:
Originally Posted by marthajo1


I was just thinking that usually people who are getting married usually have friends who will be getting married sooner than later.




if this is how she conducts herself, why would i want her friends business? should i expect anything different? no thank you. as much as i would like to say it wouldnt phase me, this is something that i will get over. i refuse to put up with this..the earlier, the better.

melysa Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
melysa Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 1:16am
post #97 of 273
Quote:
Originally Posted by marthajo1

Oh Melysa--- I hope I didn't offend you with my question! I didn't mean too!




NOPE! not at all icon_wink.gif

marthajo1 Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
marthajo1 Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 1:17am
post #98 of 273

I actually didn't mean the wedding cake just the shower cake.... I totally agree that you should say no to the wedding. I guess I am just picturing the planner of the shower scrambling to find cake replacement through no fault of her own! icon_lol.gif Sorry been there, planned those!

indydebi Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
indydebi Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 1:19am
post #99 of 273
Quote:
Originally Posted by marthajo1


I was just thinking that usually people who are getting married usually have friends who will be getting married sooner than later.




Oh heck, if she treats everyone like this (and it sounds like she does) then all of her friends are probably cheering you and thinking it's about time SOMEONE told this chick how it's gonna be! icon_biggrin.gif

melysa Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
melysa Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 1:20am
post #100 of 273

marthajo...got it covered icon_smile.gif the host of the party is my friend. she knows this girl very well. i vaguely told her the situation and asked her advice. later i told her that i had cancelled the cake with the bride for the shower. she said no problem- and wished me a nice relaxing weekend since i am now free! icon_smile.gif

spongemomsweatpants Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
spongemomsweatpants Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 1:23am
post #101 of 273

ok I am just so darned proud of you...you are my idol! Way to go!! thumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gif
This little girl clearly had this coming for a looooonnnnggggg time.

melysa Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
melysa Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 1:24am
post #102 of 273
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by marthajo1


I was just thinking that usually people who are getting married usually have friends who will be getting married sooner than later.



Oh heck, if she treats everyone like this (and it sounds like she does) then all of her friends are probably cheering you and thinking it's about time SOMEONE told this chick how it's gonna be! icon_biggrin.gif




EXACTLY! let her complain about me. its water off my back...

melysa Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
melysa Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 1:26am
post #103 of 273
Quote:
Originally Posted by spongemomsweatpants

ok I am just so darned proud of you...you are my idol! Way to go!! thumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gif
This little girl clearly had this coming for a looooonnnnggggg time.




thank you. i think i'm proud of myself too. $900 less in my bank account, but , still hanging on to my dignity!

michellenj Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
michellenj Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 1:33am
post #104 of 273

Best. Thread. Ever.

tobycat Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
tobycat Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 1:36am
post #105 of 273

I couldn't not read this entire thread! You're amazing! Bravo!

I must say that I feel a little sorry for her, but then, I'm super proud of you! I don't know that I would have had your gumption to stand up to her. Maybe if that ever happens to me, I will.

I loved your e-mail back to her.

I can't believe she flipped out about the cake flavors! That is sooooo stupid I can't even begin to conceive that someone would feel that way.

With 20 lb of fondant, you can always start to push those kinds of cakes --as in "Hey, haven't you ever wanted to try this new kind of look on your cake?"

But, seriously, bully for you!

S.

melysa Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
melysa Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 2:09am
post #106 of 273
Quote:
Originally Posted by michellenj

Best. Thread. Ever.




i just wrote the checked and stamped the envelope. every time i start to feel sorry for her and wonder if i am doing the right thing...i see a post like this.

an absolute thank you!

gateaux Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
gateaux Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 2:31am
post #107 of 273

Melysa, you did the right thing and like in Seinfeld it's time to remind yourself that sometimes you have to be the cake nazy and say " NO CAKE FOR YOU!!" just like it was mentioned a few pages ago.

We are all with you and holding you up!

keep it up --- now walk that envelope to the mail box!

Good Luck!

Irish245 Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
Irish245 Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 2:59am
post #108 of 273

Good for you!!! I commend you for doing that!!!!

YOU ROCK!!!!!

michellenj Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
michellenj Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 3:10am
post #109 of 273

Sometimes you HAVE to turn down business, because it's just the right thing to do for yourself. You aren't someone for her to lean on-you're a flippin' VENDOR. She is very immature and spoiled and hopefully you will straighten her out. Or at least clear her head and make her realize that her freak-outs and obsessing about ridiculous things will push everyone away.

My husband's grandfather was killed in a car accident at the airport on the way to our wedding. So what if someone else has tasted her flavor combo? At least everyone is alive!

melysa Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
melysa Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 3:20am
post #110 of 273
Quote:
Originally Posted by michellenj



My husband's grandfather was killed in a car accident at the airport on the way to our wedding. So what if someone else has tasted her flavor combo? At least everyone is alive!




now there's some perspective for ya!

divaricks Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
divaricks Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 3:27am
post #111 of 273

I think you might have been a little hasty and a little bit mean in this situation. Don't get me wrong, you need to stand up for yourself but we all have bad days and maybe she was having a REALLY bad day and didn't mean to treat you that way. Sounds like she tried to apologize and now you aren't making her wedidng cake - FINE - but not making the cake that is due in 2 days? That is just mean in my opinion. We can't always know what is going on in our minds and should try to give the benefit of the doubt when we can. I know if I were having a hrad time I wouldn't want to be treated that way...OK everyone - fire away at me - I know you all think I am wrong about this!

etigg82 Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
etigg82 Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 3:29am
post #112 of 273

OMG! I had a similar thing happen to me. What is with people?!?!??

An aquaintance of mine requested I make a wedding shower cake for her sister. I am new to flavor pairings so i practiced/prepared two FREE tastings to make sure this girl would be happy. She was really smart moiuthed about it what would be good enought and I was wishing i had turned down the cake. So to be sure she'd be happy, i made the same cake for a birthday. When I told her she got all whiny about how I let someone else have her cake. OMG.. what is wrong with people..?

Naturally I turned down her second request when she said, "oh hey, my sister wants you to make my baby shower cake, so go look for pictures asap. i can't wait for free tastings!" yeah right.. NO CAKE FOR YOU!

melysa Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
melysa Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 3:33am
post #113 of 273
Quote:
Originally Posted by divaricks

I think you might have been a little hasty and a little bit mean in this situation. Don't get me wrong, you need to stand up for yourself but we all have bad days and maybe she was having a REALLY bad day and didn't mean to treat you that way. Sounds like she tried to apologize and now you aren't making her wedidng cake - FINE - but not making the cake that is due in 2 days? That is just mean in my opinion. We can't always know what is going on in our minds and should try to give the benefit of the doubt when we can. I know if I were having a hrad time I wouldn't want to be treated that way...OK everyone - fire away at me - I know you all think I am wrong about this!




no-no,no-no,no-no, no.... while i respect your opinion, i have wrestled with this all day. i have bent over backwards for this person more than once and she is just plain selfish. why should i continue sacrificing? she has changed her mind on more than one occasion, and i have always been accomodating, but this is the last straw. her apology was more of a way to get what she wants, AGAIN.

dl5crew Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
dl5crew Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 3:44am
post #114 of 273

I haven't read any of the replies yet, so I might be repeating when I say this.
It sounds to me like this bride is immature. Cake flavors are "copied" all of the time. Does she think that there are a billion chocolate cake flavors out there? I don't think the issue is you. Sounds like she needs a reality check.

southerncake Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
southerncake Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 3:49am
post #115 of 273
Quote:
Originally Posted by melysa

Quote:
Originally Posted by divaricks

I think you might have been a little hasty and a little bit mean in this situation. Don't get me wrong, you need to stand up for yourself but we all have bad days and maybe she was having a REALLY bad day and didn't mean to treat you that way. Sounds like she tried to apologize and now you aren't making her wedidng cake - FINE - but not making the cake that is due in 2 days? That is just mean in my opinion. We can't always know what is going on in our minds and should try to give the benefit of the doubt when we can. I know if I were having a hrad time I wouldn't want to be treated that way...OK everyone - fire away at me - I know you all think I am wrong about this!



no-no,no-no,no-no, no.... while i respect your opinion, i have wrestled with this all day. i have bent over backwards for this person more than once and she is just plain selfish. why should i continue sacrificing? she has changed her mind on more than one occasion, and i have always been accomodating, but this is the last straw. her apology was more of a way to get what she wants, AGAIN.




If this had been a really pleasant, great-to-work-with bride whom had never been a bit of trouble and then suddenly was rude and crazy in one email or phone call, I would probably agree that cancelling was hasty, but it doesn't sound like that was the case. I usually try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but eventually you learn that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. With this bride consistently acting spoiled, it seems she was never going to be pleased.

Carson Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
Carson Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 4:16am
post #116 of 273

You would hate doing those cakes the whole time anyways! When I get upset about how someone is acting towards me (like taking advantage) or my cakes - I don't have any fun! If your doing this as a hobby then you don't have to take this bull.

ceshell Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
ceshell Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 4:23am
post #117 of 273

OMG I know this woman! NOT LITERALLY! Let's just say there is someone in my life who could be her carbon copy. I know the pattern, if they don't get outright offended, they at the very least act astounded or befuddled if you stand up for yourself. The "apology to get what she wants," the martyr syndrome, all of it: been there. Sheesh I even almost bought a book about it, "How to handle the master manipulator" or something like that LOL.

You are my HERO for standing up for yourself. I don't think it's mean or inappropriate to cancel the order. I don't take her apology for granted, but her apology is beside the point; she's proven that she is not a good customer. I mean, it's one thing if she had a legitimate (and sane) complaint - but she was actually trying to guilt-trip you and drag you into her bizarre hysteria. There was no reason to treat you that way. An "overstressed bride" freaks out about something big, like flowers that are the wrong color or a cake gone tilty, not about the fact that you baked the same flavor cake for someone else. icon_confused.gif

divaricks, I surely hope nobody will fire away at you for wanting to be compassionate and understanding! But you may have missed the post where melysa explained that the hostess of the party is a friend of hers (melysa's) and was ok with canceling the shower cake. If the hostess is ok with it, then I don't think it's mean. MEAN is what I would have done: even with the canceled wedding cake, I'd do the shower cake in the special wedding flavors, just so the bride could have her "perfect cake flavors" sort of flaunted in her face. The cake would be beyond perfect so she'd really feel bad about missing out on the wedding version. And of course to top it off, now the SAME guests would have already had that her "dream" cake flavor, at the shower. Bwaa haa haa. icon_evil.gif

All hail melysa, protector of sanity and dignity, hero to cakedom!

divaricks Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
divaricks Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 4:26am
post #118 of 273

I do not want to offend anyone - just want to make sure people are thinking it through. It has been 5 years since I was married. I know there were times I just needed people to be understanding, when you are young and when you are not experienced in this marriage planning thing, you DO think it will be the end of the world sometimes and you DO want to feel special. I did chuckle when I read that she wanted her flavor to be unique - it was a silly and thoughtless thing to say - I do cakes too - remember.
The thing is, I agreed that if you wanted to cancel the wedding cake it is your decision to do. I just think it is a bit hasty and vindictive to cancel the cake due in 2 days, that's all. You do what you want and you will I am sure - I am just trying to help you remember how we all have been in our younger and less mature years. It takes a while to grow up sometimes and it is nothing to you, if this is just a hobby and you are getting paid, to try and be understanding just once more.

Please don't be offended - this is my opinion and I do not judge others or expect them to agree with me - just thought there was noone defending the bride - however selfish she is being - still wants to have a nice day and is willing to pay for it, it sounds like.

melysa Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
melysa Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 4:30am
post #119 of 273
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carson

You would hate doing those cakes the whole time anyways! When I get upset about how someone is acting towards me (like taking advantage) or my cakes - I don't have any fun!




i'm sitting here looking at my sketch for her cake. it would have been seriously SWEET (as in cool icon_cool.gif ) and i really looked forward to doing it. but you know what, i've thought the same thing all day. its ruined for me. even if i were to change my mind and do it,i know i'd be yelling at my kids all day , and on top of that, hating the cake. not so cool.

crooked covered in satin ice fondant. held up by fresh red roses, chocolate dipped strawberries with white chocolate monograms dusted gold. top tier and bottom tier ivory, browns and reds, middle tier ivory, all bows- shiney dusted teal. accent daisies with swavaroski crystals and crystals hanging from the tilted top... oh well. i'm sure someone else will want this design someday. ...hey my birthday is in november! icon_smile.gif
LL

melysa Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
melysa Posted 2 Aug 2007 , 4:35am
post #120 of 273
Quote:
Originally Posted by divaricks

Please don't be offended - this is my opinion and I do not judge others or expect them to agree with me - just thought there was noone defending the bride - however selfish she is being - still wants to have a nice day and is willing to pay for it, it sounds like.




no offense taken icon_wink.gif not at all. believe me, there is a tad bit of compassion lurking somewhere in my heart and feeling bad for her, but i have to do it this time.

Quote by @%username% on %date%

%body%