Last year I made a cake for a cousin's daughter. She asked how much I charged and I told her to only pay for my supplies and I quoted her $15.00. Well, I never got that money. And no, my cousin does not have financial problems. She makes almost double per year what I make and she has no house payment or car payment.

Every Christmas, three of us make assorted goodies for Christmas Eve. Last Christmas, this same cousin asked me to make a red velvet cake along with my other goodies, which I did. When I got to her house, she had gone to the bakery and ordered a red velvet cake and red velvet cupcakes so I left mine in the car. The cake from the bakery was not done and the layers were gooey. Nobody could eat it but I figured she didn't want mine since she ordered from a bakery.

Now, the daughter's birthday is approaching again in about two weeks. Today my cousin called MY MOTHER and asked her if I would make the daughter's cake. I told my mom that she should have called ME and asked me to make the cake herself. My mom is very defensive of this cousin and she says that the cousin didn't have time to call me. Hmmmm does it take longer to call me than to call my mom?

Also, my cousin has invited everyone else in the family to the party but I have not even been invited. I told my mom today that I could not do the cake because (1) she never paid for my supplies last year (2) I am not even aware of when or where the party will be (3) she did not call me and ask me to make the cake (4) At Christmas, she asked me to make something, then she went to the bakery and got it and (5) I have not received a call from her since Christmas. My mom thinks it is horrible that I won't make the cake. I think that my cousin should have called me and asked instead of calling my mom. Am I wrong?

NOPE! I'd say it's the perfect time to stand up to her and say, Sorry, I'm busy! How inconsiderate on every occasion, but especially to ask you to take the time to bake something and then insult you by having something store-bought there as well! I would respecfully decline, she'll get over it. She just asking you to get something for free again. Moms can be tricky sometimes, but she'll eventually see what's going on and back off. I think you'll be madder at yourself if you do this one than your Mom will be mad at you if you don't! Just my two cents!
-Lori

Seems to me like your Mum might be one of those people who is happy to get walked over - or at least happy for you to get walked over. You are abosultely not your families personal cake decorator slave. If you do this cake you'll only be angry about it, she's proved she's quite capable of buying a store cake - let her buy another one.

I don't think you are wrong. She is trying to take advantage of you and she knows it. That is why she called your mom in hopes that she could guilt you into doing this for her. So hold your ground, your cousin is in the wrong. My DH has a cousin that is the same way and she makes me crazy. Everytime we don't do what she wants she runs to my mother-in-law. Then my MIL turns around and calls us and says how we need to do this because it is family. Blah-blah-blah. So the last time she asked I told her I don't feel like family I feel more like a doormat. After that my MIL has left me alone.

Sounds like the cousin is hip to the fact that your mom defends her. You are not wrong at all!

I think it's horrible that your mom thinks it's horrible!

If I want something from someone, I go directly to that person. Not their mother.

I totally agree with everything you said.

And I'm sure your cousin knows she's been less than decent to you - that's why she called your Mom.....

You're right to be unavailable (ever again) for this ungrateful and inconsiderate individual.

Here's another sad thread about unthinking family:

http://forum.cakecentral.com/cake-decorating-ftopict-348163-.html

HTH

Ahhh, don't you love family? No, you're not wrong. I'm sure she paid a good chunk of change for the Christmas red-velvet cake and cupcakes.

Stand your ground and don't let them brow-beat you into doing it.

It's not personal ..... it's business.

And how come it's ok for OTHER PEOPLE to be rude and arrogant snots, but WE are suppose to be (pulling from the previous post) a "doormat" and just shuffle off to the side with a "yes, ma'am, whatever you want, ma'am, anytime you say ma'am."? How come when WE stand up for ourselves, then someone (mom!) wants to berates US for being rude instead of calling the other person to account for THEIR actions!?

(Can you tell this is a hot button with me?)

Mom sounds like one of those doormats who grew up being taught that "women are always NICE! women always HELP! women never complain! women should do anything to be LIKED!"

Bite me.

Sugar -
You definitely have every right to be upset - I would be too, and frankly, reading this post, I am for you! Are you sure we're not related? Because your mom sounds a bit like mine. Like others said, your cousin is looking for a hand out, knows she's done you wrong and been rude, why else would she call your MOM? Some people need to grow up! I say, stand your ground, just because she's FAMILY doesn't mean she can walk all over you! Family can sometimes be worse than your worst customer. Hang in there!

Your mother is just trying to make you feel guilty, I know all about these mothers because mine is like that. She's wonderfully sweet and stuff but has some strange ideas about family.
If your mom is like my mom she's really good at making you feel bad for being mad, upset or hurt by someone's behavior no matter how terrible their behavior was.
How your cousin treats you is wrong and if you don't stand up for yourself she'll walk all over you forever. Your mom might complain about you not doing stuff for your cousin forever too but you can learn to tune it out.

You all make my mom sound wonderful!!! My mom usually agrees with my opinions on making things for family and waiting till the last minute to order... things like that. She has seen how hard I work at this and how much time and money it takes. Shes usually the one telling me to tell someone to kiss my butt if they don't like what I say, and that I don't charge enough.

I think you should stand your ground on this one. If you give in now that will just give them an open invitation to do things like this everytime they want something from you!

AnythingSugar: you are well in your right to feel the way you feel.

it sure tells you a lot that she didn't call you directly but went through your mom to get to you. So, she already knows that she owes you and that she has not done right to you in the past.

Geez!

You should call her and let her know how you feel (nicely). She has treated you badly and there is no excuse for that. I dont think that these types of people realize (fully) what they are doing or how it impacts others, or maybe they just take advantage. You should call her on it, lay it all out on the table (the 5 instances you mentioned), let her know how it made you feel. I doubt she will treat you like that anymore. Worst case is she doesnt change, but even then you will have gotten it off your chest and that can be a very good feeling! Best of luck!

NEVER, EVER would I make another cake for this family member. It was bad enough not paying for your supplies as she offered to do for the 1st cake (which was not enough) but the biggest slap in the face to me would have been the red velvet cake incident!!! Yep, the cousin knows her way to the store, let her get another assembly line cake and maybe she will realize just how nice it is to have a custom decorated cake for such a special event as her childs birthday.
Hope you stand your ground on this one!

I think you're are completely in teh right on this one!!

I can't believe she had the nerve to call your mom to have you make the cake. It doesn't even sould like she's planning to invite you. RUDE!

Sounds like everyone at CC has your back, sista!

Stick to your guns!!!

Let's see now..... she doesn't have the money to pay you... Not even for the supplies, not to mention your time, she DOES have time and money to go to the store AFTER she asked you to make the Christmas cake....... she DOESN'T have time to # 1 INVITE you to the party, # 2 to even CALL you and ask you to bake her cake..... hummmm.... what is wrong with this picture ? NO CAKE FOR HER !!! Mom will just have to get over it !

I say you should call her and tell her the points that you made here(nicely) and that your mom is not your secretary and if there is something that she wants from you, you would be happy to speak with her(then tell her NO!). You are an adult and by calling your mom it's insulting and manipulative.

I would politely tell your mom that you would like to discuss the matter with your cousin directly. Just say, "Hey, mom, the next time she calls have her call me." This places the ball back in your cousin's court. Then, when and if she calls, you can politely discuss your misgivings for not wanting to do her daughter's cake. Maybe on the off chance she is repentant, you all can work out your situation leaving peaceful family relations in the wake. But definitely, don't shy away from the opportunity to clear the air if she calls. She's in the wrong and she knows it. If she doesn't call, you'll know where you stand. But then, let it go. Maybe this is the wrong attitude, but I would not be calling her first. It's her responsibility to line up a cake for her daughter. Not going through a third party. Btw-- consider yourself lucky you're not invited to the party. I know I would have better things to do. And if you do end up providing the cake. Your presence will be made know and quite deliciously, too, I am sure!!

I had the mother in law. But after a while they stoped thier nonsence and they help with the cost. It took way too many years but my husband finaly understood what my worth was. And he stoped it instead of adding to it. My mom has always supported me in my sugar art. He finaly became my one of my biggest supportors. I have no problem with it now. Do not give in to her. She is rude and not good enough to have your creations.

I agree that both your mom and cousin are taking advantage of you and neither one recognizes they have done anything wrong-they aren't looking at it from your perspective what-so-ever. I don't defend thier behavior in anyway. However, I would probably use that to my advantage and call thier bluff.

Since you weren't invited to the party but she wants you to do the cake, she has made this into a professional transaction-not a family favor. Call her as (insert your name here) from XYZ Bakery, or as (insert your name here) and tell her your mother has indicated she would like you to do a cake for a birthday party but her busy schedule did not permit her to call you directly, so you need to verify a few details. Assure her your conversation will take very little of her precious time but emphasize how valuable her input is because your reputation has been built on customer satisfaction and you would have it no other way.

Add that you are willing to squeeze her into your tremendously busy schedule as a favor to your mom, and because you yourself saw how unhappy she was with the bakery she hired to make the inedible red velvet cake & you would never allow that to happen to any of your clients. Maybe even throw in a remark about getting some kind of refund, or a free cake from them since it was so bad.

Tell her you need to discuss size, design, type of cake/icing and price. Suggest she do something easy to better fit her budget because if you remember correctly-you did it for cost last time, and oops.. I'm embarrased I mentioned that now, becuase even that wasn't in your budget. Give her a few ideas-ask if she wants final approval, and add that you will throw the delivery & set up in for free, but it would usually cost $XX.XX. (read further, there is some logic to my insanity.)

I would then make the most breathtaking delicious cake I could (within budget/or maybe a tad over)-have an incredible set up just to ensure everyone will RAVE about the cake and setting. When you deliver it, wear a chef's top-or something that looks a little like a server-and put on a big white nametag. Of course everyone will recognize you-and wonder why you weren't invited as a guest, people will gossip and in the end you'll look like a saint and she'll look exactly the like she is....rude, ungracious, tasteless & the list goes on and on.

Heck, I might even agree to do it for free if I could still get my point across, deliver it & show relatives & guests how she treats people.

Good luck whatever you do.

Make sure you keep you posted on the outcome!

People sometimes have no idea how long it takes to bake and decorate a cake. What a nightmare. If you make the cake, you'll just be upset in the end by her rude and inconsiderate behavior (about to come). Go as a guest and enjoy HER cake. : )

Antylucifer, you're a woman after my own heart!

Kill 'em with sarcasm!!

Thank you all so much for your replies and encouragement. A slight update.......no, my cousin still hasn't called me and asked me to make a cake. I did BUMP into her tonight at the nursing home visiting her mom (my aunt). My cousin never mentioned cake to me once during the entire visit until I started to leave. She then said "you are going to make Cindy's cake?"

I kinda got upset at her comment since it was more of a statement than a request. I kept my composure but I told her I would have to check my calendar and see what I had going on. I went on to ask for the date and what type of cake she wanted. She said she needed it on June 30th but never gave me anymore details. I finally said that I wasn't sure I could do it but to call me by Wednesday.

My mom was with me and when we got to the car she said, "Well, I certainly wouldn't ask you to make a cake if you hem-hawed with me like that." I told Mom that my cousin had never ASKED me to make a cake. Anyway, I have decided that my schedule is packed for that weekend. Thank you all for listening to me rant and most of all for understanding.