Etiquette? Giving Cake As Wedding Present When Not Asked To

Decorating By emmascakes Updated 11 May 2007 , 1:37pm by emmascakes

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emmascakes Posted 11 May 2007 , 11:40am
post #1 of 14

I have a very close friend getting married at the end of May, he and I have known each other as part of a group of friends for over 20 years - we went to primary school together.

His wedding is very non-traditional, he's just nipping off to a registry office with his fiancee, getting married and then holding a party in a pub in London for everyone to come to. As far as I know there will be sandwiches but no sit down meal or anything close to formal. People have been asked not to wear suits etc.

They haven't asked me to do a wedding cake, which is unsuprising as I imagine they're not having one and the groom doesn't really eat so food wouldn't be something on his mind. I don't know the bride very well despite they're having been together a good few years. I would like to make a cake as a gift - not a 'wedding cake' , in fact I was thinking of a bed cake with the two of them in bed surrounded by their pets etc. Nothing rude or saucy, just non-traditional. I KNOW the cake would be what they would like so that's not the issue - my concern is - is it ok to make a cake as a present? Maybe they have ordered a wedding cake from someone else? Maybe they hate my cakes? It's just it's the one thing I can put a lot of love into and give to them as they start their life together.

My other half thinks it's a good idea, particularly as it wouldn't look like a wedding cake as such. It's slightly complicated by the fact that about ten years ago he and I slept together, it was a one night thing and we've not mentioned it in about eight years and even at the time laughed about it. I don't know if bride knows or even if it would matter anyway as she isn't exactly a virgin. They met when she was going out with his best friend.

Anyway, what do you all think?

13 replies
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wgoat5 Posted 11 May 2007 , 11:50am
post #2 of 14

I think that would be a gracious gift ! And they would love it! What a great friend you are!

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babynewyear Posted 11 May 2007 , 11:57am
post #3 of 14

Sounds like a great idea.
I had a similar situation and the wedding couple was thrilled to get a cake.

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woodyfam Posted 11 May 2007 , 11:59am
post #4 of 14

That sounds nice. I don't think that I would worry about her knowing or not. Clearly, you are still good friends and they want you included. I might just mention to him that you would like to do this and does he have any suggestions on what his bride would like. That would let you know whether there is something already planned.

Another thought would be to include a box so they can save it for a later date if there is another cake.

Great idea and sounds like a cute cake!

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grama_j Posted 11 May 2007 , 12:02pm
post #5 of 14

I've given cakes as my "gift" to the bride and groom....... they LOVED the idea..... it saved them a TON........ I'm up in the air about the "bed" cake though....... I think it would be awkward since you have slept with the groom.......

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Housemouse Posted 11 May 2007 , 12:07pm
post #6 of 14

I would do it!! I think it's a lovely idea, and your fling was a long time ago.

But the devil in me has just made me laugh thinking about what would happen if you subconsciously modelled his new bride and she looked more like you than her!! Sorry going off at a tangent... but stranger things have happened.

hope this wasn't a totally inappropriate comment

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mgdqueen Posted 11 May 2007 , 12:08pm
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Just do NOT make the girl in the bed look ANYTHING like yourself!! icon_biggrin.gifthumbs_up.giftapedshut.gif

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CarolAnn Posted 11 May 2007 , 12:10pm
post #8 of 14

I think the cake gift is a great idea. The bed part not so great, considering the circumstances. Perhaps you could do them and their pets in another setting and put just as much love into it. If she does know I'd sure hate to hand her a reminder that might mar her happy day. You do great work, you'll think of something fun.

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CakesbyMonica Posted 11 May 2007 , 12:28pm
post #9 of 14

Yea, I was a bit concious of the bed part myself, given the circumstances, but I don't think they'd mind at all. It's a pretty safe bet, that even if they DO have a cake, its not going to be a sculpted one, and it'll be like a groom's cake.

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jeking Posted 11 May 2007 , 12:33pm
post #10 of 14

Given the slightly awkward circumstances...how about having them sitting on a sofa watching TV with their pets all around them?

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acookieobsession Posted 11 May 2007 , 12:35pm
post #11 of 14

Hope about them on the couch with the pets, a bottle of wine, and them all lovey dovey. That give sthe same intimate feeling without the pasue of "oops..I've been there, done that" icon_lol.gif

And I like the idea of asking the groom what they had planned and offering it as a gift. i woul be hesitant to walk in with it though...what if they had somehting else on the agenda?

Good luck and they would be lucky to have one of your lovely cakes.

Julia

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sweetideas Posted 11 May 2007 , 12:45pm
post #12 of 14

Personally, if I had someone as talented as you are willing to make me a cake for a present, I would have loved it! As far as your past with him, well, I went out with my hubbys 2 friends before he finally asked me out so I think what's in the past is in the past. icon_lol.gif I would, however, maybe say to him that is what you would like to do for him and see if his bride has other plans. (In case she hates cake or has other ideas.) I don't know if that would be considered 'ungrateful' or not, though. (For them NOT to want it?) Good luck!

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Dustbunny Posted 11 May 2007 , 12:59pm
post #13 of 14

I think a cake would be a great gift from you, your cakes are always so awesome. But I have to agree that with the circumstances maybe the bed idea wouldn't be so appropriate.

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emmascakes Posted 11 May 2007 , 1:37pm
post #14 of 14

I'm blonde and odd looking and the bride is brunette and stunning so no danger of getting us mixed up, besides which it was SOOOOO long ago and we were both so drunk I honestly couldn't even remember it the morning afterwards. I am 31 now and was 20 at the time. Life has moved on soooo far. Like I said, I am completely happy with the choice of cake design.

Thanks for all yoursupport on the gift idea, I will give it in a box and it will be a fruit cake which keeps forever so it won't interfere if they already have a cake, they can just hang on to it.

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