I need your opinion...well really I just want your opinions, LOL!

I have a question....if you're a SAHM and your dh works full time and whether or not you have children still at home or in school.........what "load" do you think each parent should do?

Like, Mom will cook dinner right? But, do any dh's cook dinner while you're a sahm?

Who mows the lawn?

Who gives the children a bath?

Who goes grocery shopping? Is it done together?

Who fixes things around the house OR who calls the plummer or the a/c guy?

Who takes the trash out?

Who dusts & vacuums?

Get my drift of where I'm going with this?????????


I would love to hear anyone's opinions on this!!!!!!!


TIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good morning. I am a SAHM with three boys ages 15,11, and 8 that I homeschool. The "load" as you call it is divided up pretty equally. My dh works full time. He does cook, work around the house in the yard and repairing things. If it is something I know he will put off for a while I just do it myself. I have learned that I can do more than I actually thought that I was capable of years ago. I can do simple repairs around here. The boys are responsible for the trash and bathing themselves. The boys also help with the housework as part of their school day. I hope this helps you some with the answer to your question.

I'm a stay at home mom of three. Two oldest are out of the house, youngest just turned 17. DH works 12 hour days.

ME:
All housecleaning, though he helps with windows
Cooking, but we cook together sometimes
Trash, I get it out of the house
Laundry
Grocery shopping, but he sometimes likes to go with me
CAKE BAKING!!!!!


DH:
Car care and cleaning, but I help sometimes with vacuuming
Garage cleaning
House repairs
Maintenance of HIS toys, motorcycle, boat, Corvette
Lawn care
Trash to the curb
CAKE EATING!!!!!!

The lone daughter at home is pretty self-sufficient. She's only responsible with keeping her own room clean and any other chore I may throw her way. She does alot of extra curriculars with school, band and church so I don't put too much on her.

I'm not quite a SAHM, but I will be soon and I only work 10 hrs a week and have 3 children who are 12,9, & 4.

I always cook dinner, cuz DH doesn't know how. He can only do frozen food in the micro or canned goods on the stovetop.

He always does the dishes....

He mows the lawn...

He gives baths to my 2 sons who are too old for "mommy" and I give my daughter baths

I do most of the grocery shopping, but if I need something he'll pick it up on the way home from work...

He fixes stuff around the house....If we need a professional, I usually call since I'm home more and can set up a time...

Dh takes care of the trash and we both dust & vacuum.

He does the laundry on the weekends....

He helps the kids with their homework...

I think we pretty much share the "load"....If I'm making a cake, then he'll keep everyone busy, so no one bothers me.....

I am a SAHM, and dh works about 60 hours a week, but he is so good about helping out with stuff, he always has been.

I cook dinner, unless we're doing spaghetti & meatballs, which is his specialty , and he cooks breakfast on weekends when he's not working.

He cuts the grass and stuff. I like to rake leaves and pull weeds , but dh loves yardwork and wants me to leave it for him to do.

Every night he bathes our boys, and gets them ready for bed, and I put our daughter to bed and bathe her.

He takes care of fix it jobs.

Sometimes he'll put on a load of laundry, but never folds, lol.

I do all the housecleaning , except if we're having people over or something and i'm busy making dinner he'll help vacuum and pick up or whatever. Normally it's just me though.

I'm a STAH Mom with a home cake business & 2 kids in school. My husband has a full time job, his own home computer business, and is going to school. I'm pretty much in charge of children, cooking, yard, pets, trash, shopping, laundry & cleaning. My husband does bookkeeping/bill paying (including my business stuff) 'cause I hate it. The house doesn't stay spotless, but it's clean. He helps out with the things I need him to do and he keeps his own stuff picked up and organized. He cooks some and cleans occasionally. I'm so glad not to have a 9-5 job that I don't mind carry the bulk of home chores. It's MY job!

My opinion is, my job is to take care of the house. I dust, vacuum, cook dinner, bathe the children, mow, garden, take out trash, etc. He will call someone if they need to fix a household something (he works in construction, so he has specific people that should be called for specific things; wouldn't want to mess with that ) but I meet them here. I do the grocery shopping. Hubby helps out with bathing, especially if I'm caking. He will even get them into bed, if I'm super into something like a cake. He does the bills mostly, I help out if I'm not dealing with the kids. He runs the weedeater (I despise it!).

You have to understand that my husband has a job where he works on average 60 hours a week, with at least a 1/2 hour commute each way. When he's home, the kids and I want to be with him. Everyone's situation is different, so you can't go on mine. And besides that, I know what it's like to work outside the home plus do all of this. It's very difficult. I feel EXTREMELY fortunate that we are able to have me be a SAHM.

DH is usually very good about helping.
I don't let him cook dinner because I don't like hamburger helper(we don't even have any in the house, just his style of cooking).

We share the lawn, I usually do the front because I want that to look really nice.

I would rather give the kids a bath because then I know that they are clean. I have this thing about stinky kids.

I do ALL the grocery shopping.
As far as the trash, whoever notices it.

He does help clean because I have told him if it bothers you that much than do it yourself. It is not like I am sitting on the couch eating bonbons all day. Although I do spend way too much time on this site. LOL

He pretty good most of the time but yesterday he was sitting in one roon watching tv and moved to another to watch the same show. I asked why and he said because that room was messy. I wanted to kill him. I did 3 cakes for fri and sat. Sun morning I woke up sick and spent Easter in bed, and yesterday still did not feel great. And he has the nerve wo whine about the condition of the house. I told him to clean it himself. I know he felt bad cause shortly after that he got up and started helping.

I love him to death but sometimes he is such a pig.

I've been a SAHM since I became pregnant with my first child. My kids are now 12, 13, and 14 years old and I am still a SAHM. I believe that the tasks of caring for the children and taking care of the house are the full-time job of the SAH parent, whether that's Mom or Dad. Outside activities like yardwork and other maintenance should be done by whomever agrees to do it.

Most people don't realize that the job of a SAH parent is 24/7, and is back-breaking and never-ending. When Dad comes home at the end of his workday, oftentimes he is just as stressed out and exhausted as Mom is, and once he's had time to decompress, he can pitch in and do bonding things with the children, like bathing them, reading to them, feeding them (if they're still in high chairs), getting them ready for bed, etc.

The household cleaning is part and parcel of being a SAHM. Raising a family takes both parents sharing tasks and caring for the children, but I think the SAH parent bears the responsibility for the household tasks, such as dusting, vacuuming, taking out the trash, & calling the plumber. Unless you can afford a cleaning service, that's part of the deal.

I fully believe that women should fulfill their roles as mothers and caregivers. This does not mean being submissive or second-class, but rather doing their job...which is a million times harder than any office job I know of! My opinion is probably not popular, but I have zero regrets about leaving college and raising my children and caring for my home. ZERO regrets. And that's what it's all about.

I'm blessed with a husband who pitches in to help with whatever needs doing without complaining..cooking, cleaning, kids, whatever needs to be done, but not all women are as lucky as I am. I know for many, dads expect to work their 40 hours at the office and come home to do nothing but play and relax. That's just not reality, nor is an equal partnership.

Well sometimes I wish I was a SAHM, but I'm not. I have a 17 & 14 year old daughters. My husband and I both work, as well as my 17 yr old works part-time(nights and weekends); so we pay the 14 year old to straighten up and do the dishes. I will help her on the weekends. I do light house work too(kinda hepling outhe 14 year old), laundry and cook, grocery shop. Pretty much everything except for what the 14 year old does. My husband pays to have the grass cut, if there is any light house repairs he does thoes.

I was laid off almost 2 years ago(for 6 months) and loved it. I painted the living room, kitchen, dining room(walls, ceiling and trim) plus tended to the girls. LOVED every minute of it.

Oh yeah, if I don't take the trash to the curb it would never get out. Even though the trash days haven't changed in our neighborhood in at least 10 years. That's something they can't remember...trash day!

I am a SAHM since the birth of my youngest almost three years ago. I do the bulk of all the housework but DH will help (vacuum) when asked. He works as much as he can to make up for the loss of my income. He is currently re-roofing our house so he is the person who fixes anything that needs fixin'. I do some small things but figure that repair work is his domain.

My 17 year old son has to keep his room clean and his laundry up. But if he leaves it in the dryer (always) I fold and hang it up.

DH and I almost always do all the shopping together.

I do all the cooking and cleaning up after. It is rare that DH or DS will pitch in there.

DH gives our little one her bath when he is home in the evenings.

The way I look at it, since I am at home it is my "job" to keep the house up. But that is not always easy when you have a preschooler and certainly not easy at my age with a preschooler. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

And actually, I love staying at home and taking care of not only the little one but my whole family and I think of it as a blessing that I am doing this. Most days anyway.

I am a SAHM but I run a childcare business out of our home... I do just about everything around the house with the exception of yard work and bill paying. I do all the cleaning, cooking, shopping, laundry etc. Hubby does surprise me on occasion and I'll come home from errands etc to a SPARKING house, but mostly its me. Which is fine because even when he tries, its not ever quite right and I have to redo stuff anyway (watching the man make a bed nearly puts me in an asylum)

My hubby works six and seven days a week so that I can stay home, so I have no desire to make him to housework on top of it. But a couple years ago I fell and shattered my radial head in my elbow an dhe took two weeks off and ran the household, including my daycare, so he is capable of it

I also do all the car purchasing and home repair calling etc, when we built an addition I chose the contractor etc, I am better at remebering all the details and for asking a ton of questions that men are usually too embarrassed to ask cuz they don't want to look dumb!

I'm a SAHM and we only have one vehicle, so some of the chores that would typically be done by me, are done by my husband on his way home from work.

My husband does most of the grocery shopping, all lawn work, keeps up the garage and basement. I keep up the rest of the house. Do all the laundry, vacuuming, dusting, meal preparation and clean up.

I take care of all insurance matters like following up on doctor bills and such, he pays all the bills and manages all the money, but I prepare the taxes.

As for the kids, I'm primarily their caregiver in every way. I bathe them 95% of the time, feed them, dress them, watch them. I'm home with my kids probably more than is healthy for me. I get out for a couple hours a week and that's it. I highly recommend if you're planning to be a SAHM that you have a plan for getting out a couple times a week to meet with friends or shop. It will keep you sane!

Anything that needs repaired or restored is either handled by husband or my father-in-law. They're both very handy and never pay anyone to fix anything. Some things take awhile to get fixed, with their schedules being demanding as they are, but eventually everything gets done.

Dust? Vacuum? What's that? No, just kidding....I'm a SAHM with a 19 month old girl and 3 and 4 year old boys. We also homeschool and are finishing up our kindergarten year with the 4 year old (he'll be 5 next month). All internal house cleaning is my domain....I don't think I'd want it any other way but my way anyway! DH does occassionally clean up after dinner (which is either prepared by me or picked up by DH). When daddy comes home, he is the primary caregiver (this includes weekends) and will do the bulk of diaper changes and potty help. I take care of bathing the baby while he usually handles the boys (except when he works late which is about once a week). I do the grocery shopping and all other shopping with my three helpers! Yard is daddy's domain and he is now getting some extra help from the boys. Trash usually falls to DH unless he's not around and it needs to go out. I handle all bill paying.

NOW....when it's cake time.....daddy takes over completely if he is home.

It's interesting to see how so many people handle things so differently.

Boy howdy, you've opened up a Pandora's box with this one! You can find as many different scenarios on this as you want, and I'm kind of figuring you've already made up your mind about what you want to hear...

With that disclaimer, and the perspective of someone who's been a SAHM for nearly 20 years (with a few small spurts of rebellion here and there on my part), let me tell you... who does what is really not the issue. It's power. Conventional wisdom says money = power; he (or she) who controls the money controls everything. I don't completely agree with that, but certainly it's a HUGE part of the equation.

My husband's duties on a daily basis were: get up, get ready for work, leave. Come home, eat dinner (sometimes with me and children, often not -- I refused to hold dinner past 6:45 pm), manhandle the TV remote control, go to bed. Repeat. He never (EVER) helped clear the table, or assist with the kids.

His household duties: pay the bills (he refused to relinquish control of the checkbook), and yard upkeep (he refused to pay for lawn service and I will NOT mow grass). He is a smart man, though, and can fix almost anything, so if something around the house quits functioning, he can usually fix it. He enjoys "tinkering" with things.

My duties were... everything else. Seriously. I might as well have been a single parent for all the "help" I got with the kids, except (and this is a big deal, actually) I didn't have the financial worries of most single parents. Of course, I had no autonomy, either. Everything's a compromise, dear. I made the decision that my children were my top priority, and were worth the sacrifices necessary to stay home and raise them. What I gave up in exchange was financial independence. We are financially well-off, but I have no retirement benefits of my own (everything's tied to HIS earnings/pension). He has the final say in EVERY financial matter. It's hard not to let it fester into resentment; I feel I worked a LOT harder than him most days, but a SAHM isn't valued much in today's society.

We have a seven-figure savings account, but he acts like we don't know where we'll get money for food next month. Now I'm just determined to outlive him!

Ask me in another 20 years if it was worth it; it may take me that long to decide.

I have two girls, 6 and 8 and have been a sahm since my oldest was born. I do most of the housework(he does the laundry) and all the cooking. He does the household repairs, yard work(although I do the gardening and cut the grass occasionally),and most importantly, spends lots of time with the girls.

Sandra

Let's flip this question a little:

If both husband and wife works, who takes care of "stuff"? This is a major peeve of mine right now. I have everything on my shoulders because as dh puts it "it was my choice to return to work, he didn't want me to." I was a SAHM for 10 years until my younges was in Kindergarten. I work from 5:30 in the morning till 9:00-10:00 at night when I finally plop into bed. I have a full time job 2 miles from home which means that I go home at lunch and even do laundry and etc. then. We have a large family (4 kids, my dh and me). He leaves the house at 6:15 in the morning after spending 45 minutes just getting himself ready for work and gets home at about 5:30 in the evening. He then plops himself down in the recliner and that is pretty much where he stays until it is time to get a shower and go to bed. Most nights he even falls asleep in the recliner. Don't even bother to ask him to do anything - ain't happening. I end up doing it myself. I have an older son (1 that I have pretty much relied on until recently to do everything that he (dh) won't do. Josh is graduating and has a part time job after school and on weekends which means that he doesn't have time to do things and I don't like expecting him to. Example 1: the light was out in my closet for over 2 months. My son, Josh, finally got to it this past weekend. I have been unable to hang up my clothes or even get clothes out of the closet in all this time. Example 2: the pole in my daughter's closet fell about 1 year ago. Still not fixed. My son was able to buy the supplies to repair it this past weekend but couldn't find the time to fix it. I don't like relying on Josh - in fact, I told my husband that I didn't marry my son - I married him. My van hasn't been washed in over 2 months. These are just a few examples. The yard is a mess. I am at my breaking point - literally!!! Even as I'm typing this, I'm getting upset and starting to cry. I have been married for 20 years (this July) and I'm not sure how much more I can take. My husband has a friend coming over tonight so that they can start a Bible study together. My house is a mess. I haven't had time to clean in weeks! Laundry is all over the dining room table, both bathrooms need to be scrubbed and the whole house needs vacuuming. My kids help all that they can but there is a limit on what they can do with going to school & etc. Don't even ask about cooking!!! I'm supposed to cook every night, too.

Okay, that's enough!!! Sorry this is such a long rant. I'm feeling a little better getting that off my chest.

I am a SAHstepM.

My husband has twin 17 year old sons and they are juniors in high school. They keep their room and their bathroom clean and pick up after themselves. They bring all their clothes downstairs to the laundry room and bring the folded/hanging clean clothes back up to their room plus their towels.

The lion's share of the housework falls on me but my DH will step in w/o saying a word and help when I need it or I am falling behind because of cakes.

I take the trash out because I cannot imagine letting it sit in the house until DH or kids get home but if it is after dinner DH or one of the boys take it out.

We both love to do yard work so we do that together on the weekend. I try to keep him away from the laundry because I like my whites very white and my clothes to fit and not 3 sizes to small from drying them to long. But he would help and not think a thing of it. lol:

DH always helps pick up after dinner but I do the cooking unless we BBQ then he cooks.......... Let me see..... I pick up the meat, prepare the meat, bring the meat out to him, fix him a coke to drink while he BBQs, fix the vegetable, the potatoe, set the table, prepare the drinks and serve the food but of course BBQ is my "night off".

I like to have everything done during the week that way we have the weekends free to work in the yard to do something w/family.

bj

I'm not a SAHM. I'm at work 32 hrs a week, My husband works about 50 hours a week. But we still accomplish all those chores that are listed up there as well as take care of my overly rambunctious 2-yr old. Oh yea and I also run a part-time cake business.
Being a SAHM is a 24/7 job, but being a WOHM is just as hard.

How wonderful there are other homeschoolers here too!

I am a SAHW, no kids yet. My husband travels so much and for such long periods at a time, I pretty much do it all. I'm his secratary too! I make minor repairs or call for a professional to do the job, the neighbor boy mows the yard for $20. I have a garge that maintenace's the car and a house keep that comes twice a month to dust or help out. I hate to dust. Man I sound lazy.I should just stop now ans not go on. I am very busy though. I promise..LOL! I volunteer at Child Rainbow, teaching and working with them to bake cookies and decoratre them. And they are really good on their own at eating them.

Cakepro....how long have you been homeschooling?

I think that this question is so interesting and so individual. What works for one household doensn't work in another.

I don't personally believe that a SAHP should be responsible for all of the household upkeep. In my opinion a SAHP is responsible for taking care of and loving the children. Now maybe I feel this way because my chicldren are young 2 yrs old and 1 year old. I can see how once the children are more self efficient it would make since to take over most of the household chores and maintanance.

However in my situation we have made a huge sacrifice financially in order to allow me to stay home and raise our kids. We are on a very strict budget, which means our grocery budget is limited. We don't buy convenience food. I make our dinners from scratch, I bake our bread, I even just figured out how to make butter out of cream in my stand mixer because we can't buy any more groceries this month. Also I cut my girls hair, my husbands hair and my own hair. I spend hours fiunding good deals on groceries and clipping coupons. I also do the day to day cleaning of the house. But, my husband helps a lot, if he didn't I would not get to sleep at all! He cooks sometimes, usually BBQ, he does the majority of the yardwork, he bathes the kids and gets them ready for bed. He does all maintanance related things. He usually takes out the garbage, he will help clean if we are expecting company, and he helps pick up the toys each night after the kids go down to bed. He also works about 50 hour weeks.

I feel like I work just as hard as he does to make us be able to afford our situation. I also run a side baking buisness out of our home, which I just started and isn't really making money yet. If I tried to do all the household maitenance as well, I would not be able to do it, there are just not enough hours in the day.

I am a SAHM and I love it. I could not imagine it being any other way. I also realize how incredibly lucky I am. I do all the household chores and some of the outside stuff but he does do his share too. I do not expect him to do the inside stuff and a lot of outside things because Lord knows he works extremely hard (mostly outdoors year round) and then on top of that he owns and operates a used car sales by himself and after a long day with all that he tends to our 15 head of horses on our farm. So while I am the primary care provider for my 4 year old son (his birthday is today) I still believe I have it easy compared to him.

Wow!!!!!!! Look at all of these reponses!!!!!!!!!!

I too am a SAHM. I love it. We have 4 children the youngest is the only girl. ages 19,18,14,10. For a long time I DID try to be SUPER MOM!
But after all these years finaly have realized I'm not.
I begain homeschooling when my oldest son was in 5th grade. So I have ALWAYS had kids around.
Because we have 4 children I raised them up to be doers of the word. Including Moms word. Clean your room ment clean your room.
The boys share the chores like garbage and dishes along with their sister. I do the laundry and seperate it into baskets for each room. They fold and do their own. I do towels and Mom and Dad stuff.
I am a bit of a clean freek as the kids call me . But the old saying stands If you always pick up after yourself there is very little to CLEAN. My kids are finally realizing this. So while the kids are in school I do start laundry, whipe down faucets and NON noisy cleaning. During breaks in the day the kids put their things away. At the end of the day the dinner and dishwasher are all thats left.
Car repair??? Well I am a natural auto repair person I was raised around it. So after teaching myDH all I know we finally got tired of doing it ourselves so the oil is changed at the shop.
Lawn mowing. I need the exersize and I am a neet freak so only the big boys or me.
My husband does help if he sees a need but that is how we all are.
Shopping NO HE IS NOT ALLOWED TO COME!!!! I do 98% of it. Our oldest boys do the rest.
Gardening is a family afare untill the weeds show up. Then everyone seems to disapear . Kind of like the Listerine commercial.

Don't get me wrong. I did work and don't see the difference. They are both hard. But Home is where my Heart is.

I have no problem with SAHM or working moms as long as the children are loved, house work is done and everyone is happy. I work full time (spend 2 hours on the road). I leave my house at 6am and get home by 5pm. I make meals about every night, do the lanudry on certain days (put a load in at night after 7pm then at 4:30am I put in the dryer), make sure the dishes are cleaned (my husband helps unload) and handle the finances. My husband helps with cleaning of the house when needed. He drops off and pick up the kids at school and daycare/preschool. If kids are sick we split the day I go to work early and get home by 12pm and then he goes to work and will stay late if needed. He mainly takes the kids to their doctors appts. if needed. I do the grocery shopping 98% of the time and take the trash to the curb. Husband take kitchen trash out and my daughter (7 yrs old) take out the bathroom trash and cleans her room. Everyone cleans off the table. Plates are put at the sink. My little boy (3 1/2) picks ups his toys and tries to help on other things. My daughter must keep her room somewhat clean to go dance class - my husband will take and pick her up one night a week while I get our son from daycare. I most of all the planning for the family parties and cooking. So as you can see we both help. I know some great SAHM that do all the cleaning and taking care of the kids. The husbands help with help out and give them Saturday night off from taking care of the kids and clening. they are very happy with that. Some other SAHM should just go back to work - they hire people to clean and hardly ever cook and their kids are put in so many things (husband and wife have lots of fights about this).

So whether you are a SAHM or working mother if you are happy and your faimly is happy that is all that matters.