I have really loved learning about cake decorating and hope to get a job one day in the industry. I have been a SAHM for 9 years, with my youngest starting preschool in the Fall.

Here is my problem...I am getting no support in my new cake venture. My husband would prefer I just spend all of my time cleaning the house and doesn't understand why I am not fulfilled by that. In fact, he gets quite annoyed when I mention getting a job in the future.

So, without any support, I am thinking I might have to give up cake decorating. Whenever I talk about taking another Wilton class he just brushes past it, and when I am in the midst of doing a cake he just stands in the kitchen looking around and lets out a big sigh due to the mess (which does get thoroughly cleaned up).

Do any of you have a spouse who is not so supportive of what you are doing? How did you handle it?

Feeling very frustrated.

It sounds like your husband has the man disease. It's called ASSHOLE. My loving husband catches it sometimes too. I tell him to shut up and go back to his recliner.

I don't mean to sound rude but are you nuts? You found something you love to do and you are going to give it up just because your husband doesn't like it?

No way! Don't do that. Don't be one of those wimpy women who are controlled by their husbands! You will only regret it.

You need to have a life you enjoy and no one wants to stay home all day and clean. No outside life?

Do you want to teach your children that someone can take away their happiness? I doubt it. So don't.

Talk to your husband and tell him (don't ask him) that you are going to continue on with your decorating because you enjoy it so he can either continue to pick on you and try to make you feel bad and start fights or he can get over acting like a baby and keep his trap shut!

I hate hearing about women letting their husband control them like that.

Please, please, please don't be one of them. Stand up for yourself.

I'm sorry he feels that way.
Does he not like to eat cake either, maybe he does not know how much $$ you could make at it.
Hope you get more ideas.
Just know you have people thinking of you.
Good Luck.

I am real sorry to hear of your situation. I don't mean to sound mean about your husband, but I think this is very unreasonable. I have been a SAHM for several years (mine are teenagers now) and I took my first class when my youngest was about a year old. Your husband needs to understand that there is only so much cleaning that can be done and you need other interests that are your own. If he has hobbies or things he enjoys you should remind him that he gets to do something he wants. I got very lonely when my children started school and it really helped to have something besides cleaning and watching TV to keep me occupied. I hope you can work this out and keep doing what you enjoy.

I'm sorry you're not feeling fulfilled. Please don't give up something you enjoy. My recommendation: keep doing it for enjoyment and for practice. When he sees the money you can bring in, he'll change his tune.

My husband has enjoyed my cake decorating because I enjoyed it (it didn't hurt that he ate cake all the time either I worked full time as a cake decorator for the University where he went to school. I put him through college decorating cakes. Then I started teaching Wilton classes and started doing wedding cakes on my own, he saw the potential and realized that I needed better equipment ( a kitchenaid mixer, a camera to take better pictures, etc) to make my mark in the world. When he graduated and started working, my "cake" money was our "fun" money.

So back to the main idea, keep up the good work. Right now he probably sees it as something that takes up your time, but someday he'll see the benefits. Good Luck!

I am sorry to hear that you feel like you are not supported...does your hubby want you to ALWAYS be a stay at home mom? What happens when they grow up and move out?
My children are both teenagers, and I find that although we spend alot of time together, they are becoming more and more independent, and need me less and less. I chose to give up school and work when I had my children, but now, as they get older I relaize if I don't begin a hobby or start school or work again, when they move out I will be lost.
With your children all being in school in the fall, sounds like to me the perfect time to pursue your cake interests.
If doing cakes is your dream, go with that, try to explain it to him and hopefully he will understand...
I am a firm believer of God given gifts, if this is your dream and your gift use it......that is how you will be the happiest and most fulfilled.

My dear husband at first always complains about any new venture I take up - whether it be stitching, making jewelry, or cake baking. He too complains about the mess and how much time my baking takes away from time that could be spent with him. But, I found a way to involve him. I told him about some of the wonderful gizmos and gadgets that some of the people use on this website. For instance I told him about the roller for the Melvira method. I was going on and on about it so much that he actuall went to Home Depot and got one for me. I thanked him profusely and then showed him the awesome result it produced. I simply mentioned that I wished it wasn't a roller that was rounded at the bottom and he went off (unknown to me) and found a roller that was flat at the bottom so I could roll along the bottom edge of the cake. Then I mentioned to him that I needed a dowel of some sort suspended so that I could hang my fondant loops to dry - and on his own he has rigged something up for me. My point in all of this is that if you can even remotely get him involved, then lavish him with thanks, that seems to be the ticket!!!!!! Worked for me!!!

What will quitting fix? You HUSBAND has the problem, not you.

When we got married, we both agreed that I would stay home to take care of the children. I have three...ages 9, 7 and 3. My plan right now is to take as many courses as I can, practice here at home and then either get a little home biz going on or find a part time job at a bakery. I still intend on being here for my kids while they are in school.

My husband cannot stand any mess of any kind in the house (yeah, try that with 3 kids and a puppy!). So, he feels I should be working around here at all times to keep the place immaculate. After 9 years, no offense, I am sick of cleaning this house and doing the laundry!! I need a new challenge in my life. My brain has turned to mush.

My husband works out of the home full time and has no hobbies to speak of.. he used to go skydiving but stopped after our second child...in fact, he just lost two friends this past weekend that had a skydiving accident in Georgia. So, he basically does nothing but work and nag me.

I really don't want to give this up and most likely I probably won't. I just get so aggravated and hurt when I get no support in things that I want to try.

I am pretty much an independant person and I have always had trouble not working and making my own money. He knows this and it drives him nuts! I want some of my independance back.

Thanks for letting me vent!

Oh so he thinks you should work 24 hour shifts while he works 8?

Maybe you should start going out every night with some friends. This would drive him nuts! Then maybe he would be thankful that your desired hobby involves you being at home with him and the kids still.

Here is another thought while I am rambling.... Maybe he is a little jealous of your hobby. He went from having a very exciting hobby of SKYDIVING to doing nothing? I can't even imagine such a thing. He seems like maybe he was once a free spirit, but is being stifled himself.

You know, I can say a lot of bad things about my hubby... but one thing that I can't complain about is my cake support. He's never said a word about the money I spend on supplies, he encouraged me to take on a big order and buy the supplies I'd need to take it on ... etc

Men are like kids, first time you spend 2 seconds not paying attention to them, they "NEED" you for something. Sounds like your hubby needs to find himself something to do. If your cleaning the mess, why should he care what your doing to make it messy?? I feel for ya, I have an unsupportive hubby myself, but when it comes to making money at something, he's all for it. Good luck, and don't quit.

Tara

PS, sorry to hear of your hubbies friends.

[quote="denette"]I'm sorry you're not feeling fulfilled. Please don't give up something you enjoy. My recommendation: keep doing it for enjoyment and for practice. When he sees the money you can bring in, he'll change his tune.

This is totally true! My mum started breeding "pet" cows and everytime Dad wanted something, he'd be complaining because she'd be outside with her cows, but when her first cheque arrived, he started telling people, "We raised .... calves this season and raised $......"!!!

He's your husband and you love him and want to please him! My husband is quite supportive of my hobby, but there are things about him that are also very difficult to cope with, and I think you'll find most people would probably say the same thing! We are all far from perfect!!!

Could it work to do a couple of hours of cake decorating in the morning after he's gone to work, then spend the rest of the day cleaning, so it's always clean when he gets home?? And as for the Wilton course, you could learn just as much or even more from this site!

It would be a shame to have to give up something you enjoy so much! I hope you can work something out!!

I'm going to get flamed for this response, so please understand, I mean the very best by it. With that being said...There are many reasons why your husband feels the way he does about your hobby and I guarantee that not one of them has anything to do w/ your cake decorating. You say he works from home and no longer has any hobbies to speak of...well maybe he's jealous. Perhaps it is hard for him to witness you doing something you so thoroughly enjoy while he is not doing something fulfilling for himself. Or he could be very unhappy w/ his work situation and feels the need to control yours. He could be unsatisfied w/ his work and it frustrates him to see you satisfied w/ decorating. The old saying goes, "misery loves company." In his mind if he makes you miserable then you can wallow together.

Giving ultimatums will do no good, nor will snide comments to him. But, perhaps an early morning chat, over breakfast at a restaurant w/o kids can start a nice dialog to start hammering out the real issues here. My money is on the fact that if you gave up decorating, hubby will find something else to be critical about until you work out what is truly bothering him. Just my two cents (well, actually, $2). Please don't take offense as this was not meant to be offensive in anyway. Good luck and pm me if you like. This SAHM has your back, sister.

My husband also was like this...and it didn't matter what I did....when I worked outside the home and HE actually had to pick up the kids, feed them etc he would complain so bad that eventually I had to quit to keep my sanity. I am a SAHM also with 3 kids and 3 birds, I could spend ALL my time cleaning this catastrophe house and waste my life (which I used to be a neat FREAK) or I could LIVE..and thats what I do now. My husband can't take away my cake decorating..he might be able to take other things away but NOT that. He is good now, the only thing he complains about is when there isn't any cake scraps....so honey I know what you are talking about, just ask him exactly why he thinks you should have no life, and would he rather you be out and him not know where you are or at home baking and him know exactly what you are doing.
Oh by the way....men can't understand that we have NO days off and don't clock out after 9 or 10 hours a day. 24/7..thats us. Why don't we get a break....geesh

Big hugs
Christi

Good luck

Just one more thought .....

Men have a God-given inbuilt need to provide for their family. Could the chance that you may actually make some money from this hobby be threatening his ego??

I see this from an older perspective...
First side - If your husband wants to be the sole breadwinner.
What happens if he dies?
A widowed SAHM without marketable skills has alot of trouble getting a job.

Second side- if he lost 2 friends due to an accident, he's probably depressed.
He also needs a hobby. That hobby should NOT be picking on you.

Third side - Working at home, he should be seeing what you do all day.
Is there anyway you can go away (to your parents, perhaps) and leave him ALONE with the kids for a weekend?

Bottom line - You two need to sit down and have a talk.
You told us, you need to be able to tell him. BOTH of you need to listen as well. The reasons WHY you both feel this way need to be worked out and able to be stated. Then a solution needs to be worked out that will be good for both of you...
Blessings

I have a great husband that is very supportive so this is just crazy to me. Although years ago I had Bfs that wasn't so supportive. To me a marriage goes 2 ways. As long as you clean up your mess after decorating a cake and he doesn't have to I don't see what his problem is. I don't think it would be very nice if you planned on decorating a cake if you and your hubby had plans. But I would not give up something you love just to satisfy him and if I did he would never hear the end of it.

Just an idea...
Do you think that if you asked your husband to be a part of your decorating that it would help? Maybe if he'd watch you and help you out a little then it could be somthing that y'all can do together?

My hubby helps me with every cake. Maybe because he is way more patient than I am and he seems to often have a solution when I'm at a loss. I don't know that I could do a cake without him. HA! (I'd never tell him that) LOL!!

But maybe if your husband got interested in it himself then he'd be a little easier to deal with. Hope everything works out for you....but please don't give it up!

I am soo sorry to hear that you are not supported! I cannot say that for myself cause my DH is very artistic and loves what I am doing.

I think your husband needs help! I think maybe you both could use some help. No one likes to hear "marriage counselor" but, after three kids and the issues of the cake decorating and nagging you about being a 24hr housewife is not good for the both of you! You are going to go insane and then you are both going to regret not working it out. Mainly, I do think that he may be depressed. If he has lost two friends recently and is not happy with his job then you being happy with your hobby is getting to him. I can say that I DON'T like going to counselors but sometimes they can get to the issues better than you can and make men see something that us "wives or women" couldn't have nessessarily convinced them of before.
I really hope that you don't give up cake decorting! It breaks my heart to hear that someone is not being supported in something they love! Try to work those kinks out before anything! Please!?

Scrapmom:
I've read through this post and totally agree with the others regarding involving your husband in your decorating.
It's your hobby but with the other factors involved, ask his opinion from time to time about something your working on. I believe that once he sees how you really like what your doing, he'll enjoy that. I hope.

Narie:

Do you have a background in Psychology? I have a B.A. in psychology and sounds like I have a fellow psyc major on here. HA! Good points!

My DH is the same way. I have 4 kids and am a SAHM and a culinary student. He hated me cake decorated and wanted me to quit until I was accepted to culinary school, now he hates that. My DH complains I need to stay home and clean more when I'm the only one cleaning. One thing I've learned is to spend a little more time with the DH and they usually get a little happier. My guess is if your DH had a hobby that he absolutly loved he would not quit if you asked him to so he could stay home and clean more!

DON'T stop doing what you love for someone else! I finally have came to realize that it's my life and no one elses. I've given up other dreams in life and I'm not doing it anymore. It's your life--not his! Keep doing your cake decorating and just try spending more time with him to find out what his real problem is.

Don't be suprised if he's never supportive. I was just accepted into the Phi Theta Kappa's (for high GPA) You have be asked to join not request by the dean of your college and their Kappa chapter president. This is a BIG deal. The cerimony was this Tuesday night and my DH didn't go. He scheduled a work appt. instead at the same time. Said "who cares, the program is stupid and a waste of my $ and time, you should just drop out" Well, I still went and took my supportive mom and MIL with me instead. I'm up for another 2 awards for culinary through the ACF and he doesn't want to go to that event either. I'm taking supportive people instead. However, my DH brags to everyone about my cooking and that I'm learning cakes. Even passes out my business cards. He just never says anything about it to me. I bet you husband is probably the same way. Tells you things that make you feel bad because he hates that your doing good decorating cakes but deep down is proud of you. Men often feel threatend by our success so take it with a grain of salt and keep knowing that you work hard a deserve to do something you love. No matter what he or anyone else says.

ShannonR- I have an M.A. in Counseling.