Squished my cake, but wanted to squish my husband... - Page 4

Been there,done that....what is it with men who think they are the ones who are in control all the time & can do / say whatever they want to you with no repercussions !!?? Twice in my life I've picked the wrong guy (won't bore you all with details ) marriage is supposed to be about 2 individuals on equal footing with mutual respect,trust & love..isn't it ? (if anyone knows a single man who lives by this - can you let me know please ?! )

And who decided that the guys get to do the outside jobs - which aren't done everyday ??!!

My daughter has a little sign in her family room... " Any woman looking for a husband, hasn't had one" !!.......

sounds to me you enjoy cake decorating because of your artistic abilities, you said you have deep down. you need this outlet for yourself and to have the extra money.

i think he just was feeling bad since you were mowing the lawn and commented on your skills because he knew right where to hit you.
ive been know to get little digs into my husband from time to time. makes me think i should keep my mouth shut reading what happened, and that others have feelings. you opened my eyes.

hope your days are better now, and the nice thing about the cake decorating is you can take the orders or leave them. just dont give it up to think you will be pleasing your husband.

take care.

I wouldn't talk with him about it until after you've spoken with your doctor. He will be the first piece of SOLID advice for you and not the girlfriend-fry-his-tail type advice you might get from someone such as myself. Listen to what your doctor advises. He may not want you to say anything until after you speak with whatever specialist may be necessary.

Beth-good for you for taking the first step to the doctor. It's a start. Best of luck and ((((HUGS)))) to you.

Good for you, you should be proud of yourself for taking this step towards healing, it takes a lot of strength to ask for the help you need. You are stronger than you realize. He does not have authority over you, no one does. No one has control over you. So what if he makes more money? It wouldn't matter if the marriage breaks down to the point of divorce, and then you are eligble for child support and alimony because you were not in the workforce because you were taking care of the children.(I'm not suggesting this, but he seems to be awfully cocky and almighty when this is a possiblity if you are to the point you cannot even look him in the face).

Sometimes as kids we're taught to "not rock the boat", "be good", " do as you're told"....speaking out is usually not encouraged when we're kids. So when we get older the messages can stick and when someone is treating us in a way that we don't like, we don't stop it because we don't want to cause conflict, or we feel maybe they're right, we feel guilty (maybe you don't speak up because on some level you feel he DOES have more power because he works outside the home or makes the main income).

One quote I like to tell myself is by Eleanor Roosevelt , "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent".

Good for you again, and I wish you the best of luck. If you ever need someone to talk to, please feel free to pm me.

This DOES NOT exist. Martha has an entire conglomeration behind her, not to mention a wee bit of jail time. I spent a bit of time in Mississippi ( and nothing against you Mississippi folks), but I felt like a complete failure because all of my friends had picture perfect lives. You could drop in on these people unannounced at 9am and their homes would be perfect. Their kids perfectly dressed and supper already planned and waiting for hubby to come home. In this community, I was Peggy Bundy thrown into Stepford. Then I realized that everyone I knew was medicated. This is not a joke and I'm not making fun of a serious situation. Every single friend I had was on antidepressants. I was trying so very hard to keep up with three kids and make our house as perfect as the neighbors. But the neighbors weren't perfect either. They were just hiding behind $80k in credit card debt, abusive spouses and an impossible image to maintain. You have to figure out what is right for you, not an image that is impossible to obtain.

bethrose - i know exactly what you are going through. I wish i could grow a spine and TELL my hubby to get off my back about the housework. I work full time at night getting home a 1am and usually fall into bed around 3am Mon to Fri. Get up at 7am get 3 kids ready for school and dropped off. Flop back into bed at 9.30am for a couple of house before heading back out at 12.30 to pick up littlest from pre-school. Then the afternoon is a whirlwind of cleaning, cooking picking up the other kids, and getting ready for work.

I am constantly exhausted. The housework is one thing my DH is constantly on my back about. He does help out alot (mainly coz he has to when I'm at work) but I just wish he would stopping nagging, complaining, shouting and arguing over it! I try as best i can to get everything done, but most days I'm luck to get the basics done (washing, vaccumming, bathroom and toilet).

Recently i decided to get a cleaner in once a week for a couple of hours to help me keep on top of it - told hubby what i wanted to do. well the reaction i got was terrible - 'i don't want any strangers coming into my house when you should get off you a**e and do it' needless to say we don't have a cleaner....

I guess like you i really need to get a bit stronger and say that i'm doing my best and if he doesn't like it go.....

Bethroze...good for you!! You are taking the steps you need! Take care of yourself!!! I too am weighing my options at home. And I DID sign up for the Wilton's Fondant and Gumpaste class!!!! I'm going to enjoy it too!!!

Bethrose - I've been where you are,and in some ways, I'm still in that situation..I'm a passive person,try to avoid conflict & confrontation,will just "give in" to keep the peace, when inside my head i'm saying all the things i should be saying out loud ! There's this image of the " supermum " where women can do everything, in double quick time,without neglecting anyone or anything,with a big smile on their face !! It's not real , it's very,very hard to j be a full-time mum whether you work outside home or not,without some crappy,bullying guy thinking your his damn personal slave & your not worth @#@# without him Apologies for getting on my soapbox !!

you need to put yourself & your kids first, get yourself stronger & then work out what's best for you....
julie

Please keep standing up for yourself! I too can defend both sides of the argument usually and it bites me in the butt since I let my DH say the same hurtful things yours does. My DH and I are on the mends but I let it go too long and he's having a hard time realizing I'm serious about standing up for myself!

That sounds like a comment my EX-HUSBAND kept on repeating to me, except he called me down for everything. I didn't even know who I was, anymore, after 10 years of marriage.

Notice the EX part?

I ended up leaving him and going to the nearest abuse shelter for lots of councilling.

Hon, do something now to help yourself/marriage, before you don't know who you are anymore, or whether you even "deserve to live" anymore, because you are "worthless". That's where I ended up, and don't want to imagine you getting to that point.

Go for the councilling, whether it's couple's or individual.

It can only get better for you if you do.

Bethrose, I'm so glad you're taking steps to take of yourself by going to the doctor. I have a friend who has a 3 yr old that just got out of a very abusive relationship. One weekend her ex started griping about her cleaning. She had just cleaned the kitchen but he noticed that she has missed a spot of something on the counter. Of course she got mad, and he got REALLY mad. Her 3 yr old heard the commotion and came in. She grabbed the baby and then he grabbed her by the back of her hair and slammed her into the wall about 12 times. Keep in mind she had a hold of the baby who was between her and the wall. About a foot from where her head was hitting the wall was an old antique hay hook with the point pointing out. Thank the Lord above that neither her nor the baby were hurt. I tell you this story because it was comments like the ones you have mentioned that occurred and led up to the hay hook incident. Please be careful.