I read a post earlier of indecisive people. I have a bride that has emailed me with her version of "details" for her cake. 4 Tier, white fondant, black ribbon, black flowers, black dots - from the picture she brought.
"I would like black and white, but if black is too hard, you can do whatever. I would like the flowers like in the picture, but you do what is easiest. Just make this easy on yourself." 
I have asked repeatedly for final details....UUGGHH! This is a 2nd wedding for her, so she has become somewhat wishy-washy and ho-hum it seems.
Haha oh man I can't stop laughing at some of these stories!
When I lived in Seattle I worked as a Barista, and one time someone came in and ordered a frappacino that normally does not come with coffee (she wanted it blackberry flavored). Then she adds she'd like two shots and whip with that. I think it's a little weird, but whatever, I mark down the order and it's made. About five minutes later she's back with this disgusted look on her face and angrily tells me, "This drink tastes a LOT like coffee." Well no crap Einstein, you put two shots of espresso in your fruit drink?! What did you think it would taste like?!
I work part-time at Yankee Candle for a little extra money.. THE IDIOTS WE GET, it is so crazy. People walk in and ask, "What kind of candles do you have?" without even looking around at the neatly lined up shelves upon shelves of candle fragrances. The other thing we get that cracks me up is people saying, "I really hate this flavor of candle." I usually respond, "I wouldn't enjoy the flavor of any candle." Sometimes they get it and laugh, other times they look at me like I'm some sort of weirdo ("Who doesn't like ANY candle?!")
One time someone came in while we were burning a candle on the front counter and they grabbed the metal lid on it and asked at the same time, "Hey is this hot?" People will also look at the candle while it's burning and ask, "What kind of candle is this?" when the label with the scent clearly marked is facing outwards.
Finally, the one thing that annoys me the most is people will come in and ask, "What do you guys scent your store with?" To me it is pretty freaking obvious that it's just every scent from the candles mixed together.
I just started reading this thread and am on page 10, when I saw this post I HAD to respond! My sister called me after visiting the newly opened Yankee Candle store in our mall. She was telling me about the votive selection and how they have every scent you could imagine! She even said they had a "plastic bag" scent but they were all out so she didn't get to smell that one. I just said ok, kind of dismissed it... until I visited the store myself, with my mother. I burst into laughter when I saw this display -and those "plastic bag" scented -plastic bags! Ha! It took a while before I could hold my laughter in and explain this to my mom, we shared a good laugh at the expense of my sis!
He walked away not knowing what to say. She then turns to me and said "how stupid was he. Doesn't he know when you get married, you BECOME what your spouse is?
By the way, she home schools her 3 kids.
That's scary. 
These are hilarious, I've only gotten to 19, but soo tired, I'll have to finish catching up tommorrow!
I'm a manager at Mickey D's, and I love working in the drive thru, and customers tell us to make sure it's to go.
For 1 week straight we answered drive thru "thanks for choosing KFC" thanks for stopping at taco bell. thanks for choosing ? No one had a clue what we were saying. I finally got fed up, and there were 2 other people on the headsets with me, and I asked 1 lady. "I said this is Taco Bell", wouldnt you like a burrito? I wound up confusing her so bad by the time she left, I felt a little bad.
Back pre GPS, we were going somewhere, and I told my mom to go left. She starts getting all the way over to the right lane, and I'm yelling at her to go left, and she's yelling at me that she's trying. So I finally scream NO YOUR OTHER LEFT! She got totally confused, but did make the left. Now, whenever we go somewhere, and the GPS says go left, my 12 yr old brother speaks up going "Remember mom, that's your other left"
ok, i'm totally new on the boards, just been lurking for awhile, so i know that y'all don't know me enough to know of my good intentions, but i promise to you the story that i'm about to tell you was not done with any malice!!!
my dh and i are on our way to his parents in southern georgia, so we decide to break up the trip halfway by staying the night at his friends house right outside of atlanta. we're waiting for him to get off work and just killing time, so we stop at a local mall. now keep in mind that i had given birth only a year or so before, so ya know how the mommy club works...every mommy feels a connection to other mommies.
anyway, we climb on the elevator to go up to the next floor. a pretty, young black woman, VERY PREGNANT, gets on with us also. i ask her how far along she is, she tells me, and then i ask her if she knows the sex yet of the baby. when she says "boy", my husband states that that the good thing about boys are the fact that she will have someone, in a few years, that can be a help to her, heavylifting, etc....i decide to add to the conversation by piping in "yeah, it'll be like having your very own slave!"
she looks kind of oddly at me, i didn't think anything about it cause i know what i meant. we get off the elevator, we walk a few feet away and my husband says through clenched teeth "do you realize what you just said? i'm very offended by this, so i defensively say "what, i was just making conversation"...he then says "you just told a black person she could have her very own slave"................................
i swear to god i sooooooo badly wanted to track her down and swear to god that's not how i meant it!!!!!!!!!! i still disolve in a puddle of embarassment, even now, when i think about that!
i usually have at least one doozy every year like that!
Oh my gosh! I did something like this too!!!! My hubby has worked for Lowes Home Improvement for many years. He started as a kitchen designer and worked with this very lovely older black lady. My husband is 20 years younger than her -at least. She is just a sweety, and has always had my hubby's back. Well, Jon went on to become a manager, she stayed in her position designing kitchens. We've known her for 10 years or so, I always bring the boys in to see her. Well, it wasn't long after Jon took the management position and I asked her(infront of other employees and customers 
) if Jon was behaving himself. She said he was doing a great job. I said "I bet he's a slave driver!" I didn't realize it until I got home, and I have felt bad ever since. I don't think she even realized what I said, but still, I felt terrible!
Ok, one more....
My son, age 4 at the time, was playing with finger paints over at my in-law's house. It was time for us to go, so my MIL got a wet wash cloth to clean him up. She washed off his face and hands, then said "Let me wash your forearms" He shot back at her and said "NeNe, I don't have FOUR arms, I only have two!" Two years later and we are still laughing at that one!
Here's one from this morning. Anne Curry, reporter from the TODAY SHOW was interviewing Governor Jindal, regarding hurricane Gustav. Here's what the smart governor said (yes, you will probably have to re-read this a few times to catch how every other sentance contradicts the previous one. I had to keep rewinding our DVR to write it down cause I couldn't believe I heard it right) "...there was not a mandatory evacuation for Layfayette. If you haven't left, there's nowhere to go now. If you are in a mobile home you should definitely leave. You definitely have time to get to a shelter, problem is they didn't open any shelters. You don't want to get into a car. You made a big mistake if you are in a house that's like a mobile home. If you are not in a house that's a mobile home, go to the safest room in your house." Gee this sounds a lot like Miss _?__, of the ____ pageant a little while ago, who TRIED to answer a question but only managed to give everyone a TOTALLY severe headache as a result of trying to make sense of what she had just babbled. LOL
This just happened 2 weeks ago. I went to Office Depot. Minding my own business, I took my file folders up front and handed to the cashier. She looked at me and said "I know that this is not a compelling thing to say, but you look just like the lady I caught digging in the dumpster out back a few minutes ago." (mind you there are people in line behind me that are hearing this). I was so dumbfounded. She saw the look on my face and said "I was thinking that you sure cleaned up fast". (as if she needed to say anything else!!!!!). Finally, I managed to say, well it wasn't me to which she said "oh, I know....she wasn't looking for food, just probably some broken furniture". Does this lady not know when to shut up!!!!!!! Well, nerves and the stupidness of it all made me get hysterical laughing. I laughed all the way to my car.
Oh, by the way, I was dressed nicely...makeup...the works.
When I got back to the office, I told my husband and son. My son said I should have said. "oh yes, that was me and I was looking for your next job!"
Can you believe this??????
Oh, I'm trying very hard not to laugh hysterically out loud so I don't wake DH!!
one instructor, college level American History instructor (Sac State), who marked the ENTIRE CLASS DOWN on the final because they all got the answer to the question wrong. She believed that Pearl Harbor was bombed by war ships (you know, boats) and not air planes. Students went to the dean, she was tenured (sp?) so they really couldn't do anything.
Another instructor at Sac State stated that you can't live with out a thyroid. My boyfriend who doesn't have a thyroid raised his hand, "I'm Alive and breathing" teacher says he has a thyroid, granted this was like a month after his surgery so the scar was nice and still very noticable. Boyfriend points to the large still obviouly healing wound on his neck. "Really" so the instructor says that the doctor left some in there. It's like the whole thing as cancerous, caner cells all over the whole thing, they removed all of it. Instructor says no, you don't know what your talking about you can't live with out a thyroid.
Been almost four years, he's still alive. Yes you have to take medication, but the instructor says that you can not live period. This goes to show our education system....or at least Sac State's. 
A few years ago, my grandmother and grandfather were driving across town to a new home improvement store. Meaning not to take a left at the upcoming light, he told her ''Now, don't stop at this light up here, just keep going...''
She proceeds to barrel through the red light at top speed because ''he told her not to stop''. 
My husband is a crew chief in the AF. I can't remember if they pulled this on him and he didn't bite, or he got lucky and someone forgot. A common joke to play on new crew chiefs is to ask them to go get the keys for the jet. One guy spent almost an hour looking for said keys before someone filled him in. This was after 6 months of training in which they take numerous tests on how to trouble shoot and fix these planes and there is no mention of a key.
I got one!
A few months ago my hubby and I went to see my sister at her job. ( she was a secretary for a tax agency) We start talking about my parents and how they like antique furniture. Well they had some couches reupholstered (sp?) and she's like " they covered the couches with new fabric" and I say "yeah they got them upholstered", she says no that's not what it's called it's called " tapizando" ( the spanish word) and I say " what do you think upholstery is?" She says when you hang something up. My poor husband tried not to laugh and walked out of the store laughing so hard.
another one:
I made a cake for my sister. It was yellow and orange for the springtime. She had asked for a pineapple filling and I did exactly what she asked for. She comes in to pick up the cake and starts fussing that she didn't ask for a lemon cake. My husband looks at her and says "how do you know it's lemon. She says " it's yellow" He says aren't pineapples yellow on the inside. She gave him this confused look and says "oh yeah"
and another one:
This was years ago. My brother was driving his car and it stalled and he couldn't start it. He looks at me and says " damn, now I have to take it to the dealership to find out what wrong with it". I tell hiim he needs gas. He looks at me (seriously) and asks " why do I need to fart, that won't help me right now. I look at him and tell him that maybe he forgot to put gas in the car, while I point at the red light. We both bust out laughing and he says I had "Yaire" moment. (my sister) I love her but she isn't the brightest.
These are hilarious I actually have one to add. I work for a television shopping channel placing orders and I get a LOT of doozies and fogive me I can't remember them lol my brain is not functioning well right now but I do have one that jumps out.
I had a guy call in wanting to order what is on television. in order to set him up an account and have his order shipped out I needed his telephone number and address. the conversation went a little like this.
me "can i get your address please"
customer "I don't give that information out"
me "sir we need to ship your item to you can I please get your address"
customer "I told you I don't give that information out"
me "sir, we cannot ship your item to you without an address"
customer "well I will give you my dad's address " (LOL becausse you would rather ppl know where he lives and not you)
me "sir that will be fine for shipping but I will need your mailing address for credit card verification"
customer "just use my dad's address"
I am pretty sure his card did not go through because the into on his credit card did not match his address he provided, BUT it was a valid card number so this guy was being serious lol I can usually tell prank calls when I hear them but this guy was for real.
oh I have one on myself! Back in highschool in 11th grade my best friend had this girl that was giving her he!! for years (I didn't really knwo the girl or care about her) so my friend had the idea that for valentines day we would bake brownies and put x-lax in them and have them delivered to her by a secret admirer. I send my friend to the store to get LIQUID x-lax ... she could not find it so she picked up the pills (you know the ones covered in that green coating!) so we decided to make due by crushing these up and mixing it in with the brownies! After they were baked you could still see little green specks in them! We thought that it would be no big deal and they looked like "fancy" brownies, so we cut them up and put them in a heart shaped box and had my brother deliver them! The next day we were pulled into the principals office. They found out ... go figure!
Heres our sign!
redpanda ~ that reminds me of a couple occasions with my DH. . .
2) fast forward a couple years - i'm now driving a Honda Element (which BTW is much larger than it looks) and we're at WalMart to buy our son a bicycle. Well, we all three buy a bicycle. I told my husband to run home and get the truck while I got in line and paid (de ja vu). He again "knew" he could get all three bikes in the Honda. Well of course (you know where this is headed!)they won't all fit. Rather than admit defeat I drive and buckle my son in the back seat. We re-arrange the seat configuration and manage to get two of the bikes between the back seat and the very back and my husband holds the third bike mostly on his lap with the front wheet sticking out of the window!
Now - this is the kind of thing we laugh at when we see people driving down the road with lumber sticking out of the window, etc. AND - we have a truck at home! Whenever he has a comment about someone else now - I remind him of our escapades!
Does anyone else think the obvious solution would've been to make the DH ride the third bike home?? One less bike AND one less person to fit in the car!
Okay, so when my twins were newborns, I had what seemed like a 1,001 people come up to me and ask me some of the strangest things. I've been known to be a very sarcastic person, so I always have fun at people's expense. If you've asked a mother of fraternal twins these questions, don't be mad at me, just take it as a learning lesson! LOL!
Okay the first was from a doctor with 3 PHD's, after looking at the twins he said, " Oh, twins, are they boy and girl?" to which I replied, "Yes, sir, they are". He said, "Are they identical?" I said, "Well, sir, in order for them to be identical, they'd have to be exactly the same, now wouldn't they?" (by the way, that's the most popular question"
The other is when people come and stand over the babies who are virtually the same size, packed up nicely in their DOUBLE stroller and say, "Twins?" I just look at them and say, "Uh, I think so".
The last one was when a man looked at them (just like in the situation above) and said, "wow, you're brave having kids that close together. How did you do it?" I told him, "You usually have twins close together, there's no option really."
I read a post earlier of indecisive people. I have a bride that has emailed me with her version of "details" for her cake. 4 Tier, white fondant, black ribbon, black flowers, black dots - from the picture she brought.
"I would like black and white, but if black is too hard, you can do whatever. I would like the flowers like in the picture, but you do what is easiest. Just make this easy on yourself."
I have asked repeatedly for final details....UUGGHH! This is a 2nd wedding for her, so she has become somewhat wishy-washy and ho-hum it seems.
sounds like my last cake order. the bride and mom had decided on one design...stayed that way for almost four weeks.s. one week before i get told they added another color.. then they wanted the same design for a reception they had in one town (half the family lived too far away so they had one reception there and one this week) i said ifyou wanted the same cake- get the same decorator. i'm not doing it (for one it looked like crap imo) she also kept saying i just want to make it easier for you etc..
finaly i said 'your lucky i'm not a professional decorator- they don't allow complete changes one week before delivery" the mob blinked and couldn't figure out what constituted as a "complete change " i was speechles and said "the only thing thats the same about this now is the cake ingredients! You've changed the stacking to a tier, from fondant accents to buttercream only, change in border, color addition , added another cake tier And kitchen cake and changed the design! what would You constitute it as being the same"
so later i sent her some designs of a border i had had in mind originally before the first change and i got an email saying they wanted to stay with the same cake they had before. she knew i didn't have the teir legs to do it with so it was going to be stacked. i didn't have time to go buy a teir set is why lol..and she didn't want to pay for it. so in between all that i get one more email asking me to stepoutside and talk to her (she lives across the street btw,forgot to mention this) and she said the daugther wanted this one design cake (by pistol- email already sent lol) and that she didn't want to hear anymore from mom about the cake- anything else needed changing- surprise her!
i said Done! (i'm notchanging anything else)
more to come in another post lol
When I first got my drivers license my bf at the time told me that the stop signs with a white border around them were optional. So I was running stop signs all over town. I got pulled over about a week later and when I explained that the ones with white borders were optional he just looked at me and when he saw that I was serious he couldn't stop laughing. I didn't get a ticket, but did end up getting in a fight with my EX bf.
Another one about my DD. When I was pregnant with my oldest son she, who was 4 at the time, asked why my belly was soooooo big. I told her there was a baby in there. Her grandma, who is about 5 feet tall and 300 lbs, came to pick her up. When she got to the door she was so excited because she wanted to know how many babies grandma was having. I tried to hold in my laughter, but I would have pee'd my pants =)
That little comment made her grandma go on a diet and she lost 170 lbs.
I have to laugh at all these antidotes. I work for an airline, and believe me I've seen it all. We often say people leave their brains at the door once they enter the airport. I had a situation where the airport was closed to to a raging snowstorm outside. A passenger approached me and said "since your not flying out can you put me on another airline? Duh I explained that I pretty much expected that if we were having a raging snowstorm at our gate, I was pretty sure that it was the same at all the other airlines leaving from our airport. I also had a man demand to know when the lightening was going to stop. I politely explained to him that I was not mother nature and could not give him a precise time. Milwaukee is our hub so at any given time we have many many flights going out at the same time, and I just love when people run up to the ticket counter saying "is my plane on time?" I don't know, where are you going? We are constantly amazed, and it scares me a little that I know a lot of these people are professionals, doctors, lawyers, etc, yet they can't seem to function once they walk thru the doors.
One day I was telling my DH about my Dr. appointment, I told him I'd had a yearly (female) checkup and that I'd had a pap smear....LOL.....he was dead serious in his response.......he said, "Oh, I've had one of those." LMAO
He will never ever live that one down. He was thinking of a colon test. LOL
Another DH story. We were grilling out one time and the grill caught fire. Now the grill was sitting 4 feet from the water faucet and hose but DH comes running into the house for a pitcher of water to put it out.
OMG I have so many DH stories. When we were planning our wedding I said, "We need to buy gifts for the wedding party." he says, "That's just stupid, we're already having a reception....why do we need to have a wedding party too?" Oh boy he keeps me in stitches.
My dad likes to say stupid things just to get a response so one day my dad, my sister Delaine, and myself were on our way back from a visit to Alabama. My dad is driving her Camaro and says, "Delaine, what are these little dots for on the steering wheel?" she looks and says,"I guess it's braille, for blind people." My dad and I look at each other and burst out laughing and he says, "Delaine, blind people can't drive." 
That was nearly a decade ago and she hasn't lived it down.
I just went to the 99cent store with my 3 yr old boy and our guide dog in training. An older lady came up and pet the dog, "Why is she so little?"
"She's a puppy."
"Is she for him and that's why she's small?" pointing at my son.
"No, ma'am...she's a puppy. . . she's in training."
"What's she training for?"
"She's going to be a guide dog for the blind."
Again, pointing at my son, "So he doesn't see very well?"
"She's not a guide dog yet-just a puppy. We take her with us to train her."
"She rides in the car?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"How do you drive if you can't see?"
.....I should have given up that conversation way earlier!
Speaking of the dollar store, recently upon returning from the dollar store I was showing my DH an item I had purchased at the dollar store, he asked me "and how much did that cost?!" My DD and I laughed ourselves silly and he realized what a dumb question that was.
I have many dumb dh stories, but htis is one that I did to him.
DH had to go for a colonoscopy, and he had a prescription for magnesium citrate that he was supposed to drink the night before. Target didn't have it, so I just grabbed a bottle of Milk of Magnesia, in the same amount of ounces, for him to drink. I figured it was the same thing.
DH poured the Milk of Magnesia into a pint glass and chugged the whole thing. A few hours later, he was pooping his brains out. DH is 6'4 and 250, and by the time morning came-I kid you not-he had six-pack abs. He would just go poop, and fall into bed, drinking out of a gallon of water. It was pitiful.
So when he was getting the colonoscopy, he was chatting w/ the doctor, and mentioned how the milk of magnesia tasted like a milkshake that went warm. The doctor was HORRIFIED and said that they were not the same thing! Oops
After it was all over, while dh was getting dressed, he heard the doctors in the next room talking about him, and the one docter said "Man, that guy was CLEANED OUT!"
The thing about blind people driving reminded me of this one...My best friend is married to a guy who is legally blind, and he uses a white stick when he walks to notify people to get out of his way!!! Anyway, when they were in college at Harvard, she wanted to get an on-campus parking space, but you have to apply in a lottery to get one. So she doubled her chances by putting his name in the lottery too. Well, of course, he's the one whose name was chosen, so she had to take him into the parking office to get the parking pass. Picture the blind guy with a white stick going into the parking office, telling them that he was chosen for a pass, and THEM GIVING IT TO HIM. I guess the geniuses in the parking office didn't graduate from Harvard, they just work there. (Although I do know a bunch of Harvard grads who could probably fit into this post for personal faux pas as well...)
There was a certain fastfood restaurant that refused one of our puppy raising group (all for Guide Dogs for the Blind) member's entrance.
When they explained this was a service dog, they still refused.
So she said, "So if I was blind you would refuse me service?"
The employee answered, "You can see on the door "No pets allowed.""
The dogs wear bright green vests clearly marked in capital letters "Guide Dog Puppy in Training," but it never fails. 
The story about the husband who "had" a pap smear is hilarious.
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